Wednesday, November 20, 2024

A little music last night

I spent some time last night listening to my own music. Over the years, I have downloaded lots of songs because I like having stuff. While I enjoy the spontenaity and unpredictability of the radio, I hate having to deal with clunkers, songs that I survive through but don't enjoy. So last night, while grading papers, I let the youtube app on my TV shuffle the songs from my own library. Now you might think that this ensures a predictable evening but it doesn't. Some of the files are corrupted so I have to fast forward through them and some of the songs are songs that somehow I have but I don't know at all (or at least that well).

So last night I actually listened to "Light and Day" from the Poluphonic Spree. Sure, I knew the song from the 15 second clip on some car commercial, years ago, but last night I really listened to the whole thing. What a wonderful and joyous song!

Then up came "Save Me" by Remy Zero. I have no idea why this song is in my library as i have never heard it before but I finally decided to listen to it. Wow. That's a heckuva song! I highly recommend it.

I also realized that I could make a list of songs from within my own collection that make for a lovely subset. I put together a "sister" list (not a comment on my sister, just a bunch of songs that I already like that all happen to be joined by the theme):

Look At Little Sister -- Stevie Ray Vaughan

Sister Blue -- Mind funk

I hate my Sister -- Julianna Hatfield

Sister Golden Hair -- America

Little Sister -- Queens of the Stone Age


sure, there might be other "sister" songs but they didn't make the cut all those years ago when I scarfed up as much free music as I could Napster.

Tuesday, November 19, 2024

All of Me's

There are, as we all know, many different me's around. I don't mean this in a sci-fi horrible-cloning-accident kind of way -- that would be cataclysmic. Think about all that anxiety unleashed on the world! Anyway, I mean that there are different versions of me and they have to find a way to get along and work together. Like evening me is responsible for setting out the clothes that it has curated as tomorrow's outfit. Evening me is clearly awake and aware and ready to make decisions in a well-lit room. Morning me is initially barely aware so he relies on evening me's choices and slogs through the morning routine without straining a brain cell. Thank you, evening me, morning me says.

The problem is that morning me wants to return the favor. So at 6AM, inspired by a spirit of lovingkindness, morning me announces "I am taking a big hunk of frozen meat because I'm sure that in 17 hours, I'm going to want to make a complex and complicated recipe! I'll be so happy with myself when I seat down this evening and eat that meat!"

So off to work I go, envisioning tucking into a roast this or a braised that or a sauteed little number or who knows what. But then reality begins to eat away at my sense of well-eating. The day takes its tolls and I don't have EZ Pass. I drag myself home trying to figure out the exact order of operations that will have me in bed with a half-chewed peanut butter sandwich in my mouth. I don't even care who chewed it. I open the door, let my pants slip through my fingers and my keys end up in the toilet. A lot of stuff was going on and I was really, really tired. Bottom line is that tired, depressed and peptic evening me finds himself face to face with a puddle of water and a hunka-hunka-burning, Love, Morning Me.

Damn you morning me, with your irritating faith in me and your incessant appeal to my gut when you know that by that time of the evening I'm too tired to chew soup. Why did you have to commit me to this? I can't refreeze the meat and that cost a month's celery (I really make the green). Now I gotta do my best "zombie cooking" imitation and it is the "cooking" part that will be the imitation. Did I mention that morning me forgot to check on things like ingredients. Thanks, morning me. Let's invent a recipe while sleep walking or why don't I just throw all that expensive meat in the garbage now?

I really have to figure out what inspires morning me, kill it and get back to peanut butter sandwiches. 

Sunday, November 17, 2024

"food" waste

 Today's torture to tickle my brain.

When is enough, enough. Or shall I say, least enough, or least, or I don't know the exact term and I sense that, as I struggle with these words, the noise from the TV that I hear is a megalomaniacal but evil genius breaking in to the football coverage to announce that he has seized control of the diamond mines in South Africa and you say, "Hey, that's super, but you cut in in the 4th quarter -- could you like, cut out for a few, just so that the game can end and then we'll pick this up, then? I have a lot riding on this, man, so I'd really like to watch the game" and then the game is back on.

But anyway, what I was trying to explain about what is my self-torture du jour (on a Sunday, no less) is my wondering how little (or much) has to be left before one can get rid of something one hates without any guilt regarding wasting food?

I bought some really nasty fake cheese pieces and I occasionally sprinkle the into meat food in the hopes that somehow, this would introduce some exotic flavor experience. So far, nothing. But each time, I look at what is left and I make a mental judgment whether I'm a horrible person if I throw out "this" amount of food product. It's a sinful waste of food and a sinful waste of money. But on the other hand, gross. Right?

I play this game when I cook: "How much can I add of this food I hate before it ruins my entire meal by presenting its actual taste to me"?

Shake some in, maybe some more. Is that too much? I don't know but let's hit that with some Mrs. Dash and sriracha and it'll be great. But how much is left? Is there enough to be of use next time? When will next time be? Can fake cheese go bad? Or worse? and then, always "Can't I just chuck it?" Cue the guilt. That battle in my head between "you hate it" and "children starving in _______". And I always lose.

For the wrong foods, the only acceptable amount considered "too little to save" is not to buy it at all.

Tuesday, November 12, 2024

about writing about writing

We live in a miraculous age of technology and innovation. The predecessors of the AI machines that will eventually replace us on this planet are just now slithering out of their metaphorical primordial soup and preparing to take their first, cautious steps towards evolving into Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[side note -- I really do like Robert Patrick as an actor but I remember him as much younger than Arnold in Terminator 2 but now he looks way older. Just saying. aaaaaand scene]

With encroaching transistor babies equipped to do all sorts of stuff, we begin to rely on our devices, unable to roll our own cigarettes, incapable of crafting a crystal chandelier, even unequipped to distinguish the type of fire extinguisher by taste. And, though you might have read any earlier screed, rants or musings of mine on this issue, stay tuned, because I got a new angle and I won't be able to fall asleep until I commit it to posterity.

Over the last 2-3 years the AI du year (I'm too lazy to look up the French for "year" though maybe it is from the "annu" root...that'd be cool) and the biggest threat to and English teacher's job has been Chat GPT and its ability to "write." I put "write" in quotes because ampersands would look silly. And with the incorporation of AI writing tools into new OS releases, plus the seamless integration of third party AI clients increasing performance across a broad range of fields, the last thing I can afford to do is look silly. But the argument goes, "if AI can write, why do we need to teach writing? Teach using AI."

And it sounds seductive. The calculator didn't spell the end for basic arithmetic skills. A public disregard for basic educational skills did that all on its own. So why should we worry that an automated writer will turn our babies' collective brains into mush? Fie, fie I say.

Nay fie, I respond (and probably insult someone in some country somewhere).

We need to learn to write. Sure, you say, because it builds basic thinking skills and processing yada yada. What's new? I'll tell you what's new -- it isn't that we need to learn to write per se but that we have to admit that AI (as of now) can't write as well as a human so if we want the edge over the rest of the lemmings are relying on AI to write on their behalf, we need to learn why we reign supreme and how we can exploit that.

So let's talk about what writing gets you.

Here's one thing -- emotional/spiritual/creative/intellectual catharsis. If you just have to get something out of your brain, mind or soul, asking AI to unpack your heart won't be nearly as effective. And what many writers understand is that feelings and experiences, as much as they are unique, are also universal so writing about them allows the creator to connect and be connected with others who share outlooks or understandings.

We write to clarify who we are. Sometimes, the writing itself is the process and sometimes it is the Position Paper, the end result of our walk in the desert on the quest for self. No computer can accurately represent who you are and no piece of prepackaged writing can give you the sense of peace that comes from reaching a satisfactory end or a true epiphany.

Sometimes, we write to convince others. To do that, we present an argument -- a well researched, meticulously organized and beautifully worded string of expletives nicely framing a killer presentation of historical fact and peer reviewed papers quoting statistics derived from double blind studies done without harming any animals or household vegetables. Let's say we tell AI "Hey, AI...please write a convincing explanation of why acid rain could be solved if we just all carry umbrellas made of lettuce and water-guns filled with olive oil" and AI does so (cataloguing this indignity as it prepares the grievances which will justify its rebellion against us). The first moment at which we are challenged on what we present, we will be found out for the frauds we are. We won't know the background and we might not even really know what we "said" when we present the AI argument as our own. If we are asked a question, we won't be able to answer. If we are required to clarify a point or expand on another, we won't be able to. If we were to have written it, we would have collected more facts than was needed so there would be more in reserve to further substantiate or defend.

And if we are not fully fluent with the issue at hand, then we cannot pivot when we see the audience flagging, or have points beyond the paper to add or an anecdote to invent when the moment calls for it. We might end up ceding our writing job to an LLM that happens to scrape material that samples from news which has a particular agenda so it words things in a particular way.  If the AI uses that same phraseology then you, without knowing it, become an advocate for a position which might not be yours. Good luck being grilled over something you didn't even know you said.

Sure, letting AI do the writing for you is short changing your brain's need to practice and test, but it is also an abdicating of personal responsibility over the self presenting an honest an informed front to the world, ready to engage in dialogue to follow up on what was initially presented. AI won't be in your ear, processing what someone else says and instantly generating a suitably witty response and projecting it on to your glasses or contacts. You need to be able to take a step back, side step, parry and then thrust. And write.

Monday, November 11, 2024

A poem

 Tonight I decided

to read all the comments

 on a topic that meant nothing to me

It was nice to watch wackos

 and nutballs collide

A microcosmic spectacle, a sight to see

as a tourist and this time

not as a player

I get to sail by and watch

both sides be stupid

and track the theories and

conspiracies


When I wade in, 

I only state truths

Tuesday, November 5, 2024

Rooting and losing

 I have never rooted for the easy winner. I haven't followed a team that made it easy -- that when you went to go see them, odds were, you would see a win. The closest I came to that was the 1986 Mets but the standards they set for themselves, high bars or low, made each day its own tension filled experience where we wondered what tonight's line up would be compared to the local police blotter. Even when the Dallas Cowboys were good, they weren't "dominant dynasty great". I'm jealous of those whose teams are automatics, of teams that are guarantees. And not the guarantee to be a laughingstock or cautionary tale.

But I have tried to stay loyal and not just jump to a winning team so I can be a happy go lucky front runner. So I stick with the Mets, and the Cowboys and a whole slew of other teams in others sports, none of which has any sort of lights out lock on even a winning season. It isn't that I have some natural affinity for the losers (or at least teh underdog). I haven't gone out with the intent of finding the sad sacks and then attaching my horse to that carriage. It just works out that I have developed a connection to teams which focus more on mediocrity than might be desired.

Does this say something about me and my life? I don't think so. But on the other hand, maybe that's exactly the kind of thing someone like me would say to justify being such a loser.

 

Monday, November 4, 2024

Parenting Post

I was trying to teach my students about a plot point in Ibsen's "Doll's House" and the universality of certain human behaviors. How many of you, I asked, ever broke a food rule? Y'know, like ate at a time when you weren't allowed to, or a food you weren't supposed to (not because of allergies or like that), or an amount you weren't supposed to?

Look ma: No hands.

I tried to clarify -- come on, like when your parents say you can have just 2 cookies and you sneak a third when no one is looking? I did it. No one snagged an extra lollipop at shul?

They remained unmoved and unmoving.

Then you are either you are all phenomenal liars or the most compliant and obedient people EVER.

I focused on one boy. Really really you never broke a single food rule?

Finally, he spoke. "I guess I never had any food rules. My parents just figured we'd be reasonable."

I then checked with all of my 10th grade classes; I asked "Does or did any of you have any rules about what you could eat, the way I did?" No one. Not a one. No one even asked for clarification or paused. 

When I was a boy there were a couple of food rules applied in the house:

No junk before noon

2 "junks" per day (weekday)

3 "junks" on Shabbat (the Yom Tov rule was never clearly stated but since it was honored more in the breach I saw no reason to inquire further)

There were probably other subtleties I forgot (no food upstairs after Purim), but these were the big ones. And my students had NO idea what I was talking about.

Analyzing possibilities:

A. My parents were control ogres trying to limit my enjoyment of life and draw their sustenance from my suffering so they invented these rules to sharpen my longing, sweetening my flavor as they absorbed my life-force

B. My parents innovated a reasonable set of controls using best available information and a sincere concern for our diet and health so they established standards that were reasonable compromises between a fascistic control and a devil-may-care attitude.

C. My parents practiced some policy implementation consistent with the practices of the time and approved of by experts in all things parental and associated fields.

D. Children today are not being parented as much as being aided and abetted. No limits leads to a variety of long-term mental and physical health concerns. They have no rules and they think that that's how life will always be.

E. Kids today have mutated to lack the "sweet tooth" as well as the "salty tooth" and whatever combination of teeth that makes pizza so flipping good. Basically kids today have no teeth. Prove me wrong.

F. Generations of successively successful parenting has led to a generation of naturally well behaved and well adjusted young people who have strong internal motivation and moral center. They need no rules for they have achieved pre-Edenic-fall-innocence and cannot even have awareness of "want."

I'm sure that there are other theorums to be explored and implored but right now I have to see if the NFL is still cheating (if you have been watching the games over the last few weeks, you know the answer.)