Even here, Mondays are horrible

 I'm still on the "get your degrees approved" merry-go-round. I have noticed a few things. First, people assume way too much about my ability. They forget that every step requires my translating a substantial amount of stuff and possibly getting it wrong. This isn't something that an Ulpan would solve. The Ulpan doesn't review the legal language or government terms. You just have to know them and I don't.

Idea for a service -- absorption valet. Each person who signs up is assigned a single point person who shepherds the newbie through the process and all of its 2000 parts. That person is a proper Israeli who will make the calls, argue the arguments, follow the ups and be a point person who can see the big picture and is aware of each step and how it gets done. Some can be specialists who can negotiate one aspect (not one department, but all departments and steps required for an entire goal) and some might be wild cards who can step up for isolated issues. Hello, I'd like to hire an Israeli extrovert who will pave the way for me please. They can get the equivalent of tour-guide licenses so that when they call up, they can identify themselves as official representatives. I'll take one for banking, one for utilities, one for ID and Passport and one for professional. Charge me what you want but I'm not paying until all the chiriks or dotted and the ayins are crossed.

I was emailing a person asking for guidance in one area and she said she would pass along my info to someone else. The other person called (without identifying herself or from where she was calling) and asked how she could help me. That's a nice offer, but if I don't know who you are, I can't tell you how to help. It was also clear that she had not read the emails that led to her being included. Had she, she would have been able to address my need, not ask me to start from scratch. She proceeded to tell me that I had to do a completely different task first. I tried explain that I have been working on it, but have been getting no where so that's why I emailed in the first place. She recommended I go to the office which I have visited twice, or call the help line because surely they can figure it out. Surely. I admire her certainty. I mentioned that I already worked with someone on a help line who said it wasn't working and recommended I email...

I went through the process, taking screenshots of each step and explaining the difficulty I was having. I showed the limitations of their system. I explained what was not responding or not allowing me to move forward. Nothing. Then I said "I'll call the help line tomorrow." Instant response -- "I'm sure they can help you." She feels off the hook, like she has moved me forward in some way. Nope.

In the midst of all this, I got a text telling me to expect a package which arrived 4 hours ago. You see, 4 hours ago, I went to take a walk. I got 5 minutes from my place and my phone rang. I said "hello" and a guy addressed me by name. No idea. He eventually explained that he was delivering a package and I had to be there to get it. He said he would wait the 5 minutes but that's it. I checked my texts and found one that reported that the item had been delivered, but nothing telling me to be ready for a delivery. So the warning came 4 hours after delivery.

And did I mention that I got my PIN from American express but their website had the wrong phone number for me listed? Weird thing is, they said they were sending an SMS to that number, but I received it at my number. I would suggest that that reflects a serious database problem.

Anyway, the woman on the phone told me I also had to start a different process (one which no one has heretofore mentioned) and I ran into (you guessed it) a difficulty with that one. So I pfumferred my way through and I probably broke their system. They deserve it. It is annoying having people insist "it is easy" when clearly, they haven't tried it. Remember, the most important skill is empathy, recognizing that what is easy for one person may not be so for another but the answer isn't simply to say "it's easy."

I refuse to believe that I am the first person to go through this process. It is amazing that the various branches operate in a vacuum and seem to be confused about their own processes but experts about who should be in charge of everyone else's. Yes, I am frustrated. And people wonder why I am reluctant to ask questions. It is because I get no useful answers but the person whom I ask is convinced that he or she has solved everything so when I press, that person gets testy with me.

As we all know, this is only one small dimension of the many directions in which I am currently lost. Yes, I complain a lot. But that's just so that you don't have to.

You're welcome.

A Month in

 There have been good days and bad, and they are often the same day.

But one month in to my aliyah journey, I can confidently say, "what the hell?"

Last week, a family knocked on my door because they thought my apartment still housed their dentist. It doesn't. My knowledge of teeth is limited to my own, and even those are mostly strangers to me. But the people seemed nice I guess. I wish I had lollipops to give them.

Yesterday, a guy knocked on my door to tell me that my AC is dripping so he wanted to add some tubing to channel the water away from wherever it was dripping. I don't know who he is so I invited him into my home. Would a psycho murderer be carrying plastic tubing? I think not. He wanted to work on the one AC which I have used least, so I don't know that it was the offending drip-source but whatever. It is nice to have guests.

While I negotiate the issues with my US credit report, I am still trying to figure out who is supposed to be reviewing all sorts of my documents (that are not uploaded because the various websites don't let me upload them). I have found that my phone is not sending emails that I thought I sent. I don't know whose fault that is, but then my printer refused to print also and the website for the Ministry of Absorption and Squeegees froze up every time I tried to update my personal information. Maybe it is just a me problem. That possibility does wonders for my self confidence.

People encourage me to get out more and interact. Why would I want to do that? I get enough frustration without having to put on shoes. I should also walk to my bank and be ignored or misunderstood in person? I already have that!

So the short list of the moment:

Israel --

has the water company fully resolved all the billing issues? No.

has the ministry of absorption responded to my sending in my documents? No.

has the ministry website acknowledge my repeated attempts to update banking details? No.

has the ministry of education acknowledged my submitted licenses? No.

Is my credit card working properly yet? No.

Do I have the PIN for my card so I can use it at an ATM? No.

US --

has Experian resolved all the problems with my credit report? Dunno (nor can I as the responses can't be accessed from outside the US)

has my bank fixed details it got from Experian that were wrong? No

Have all my bank accounts been transferred properly? No.

Has Verizon contacted me to discuss why their system isn't working properly? No.

Free floating (Israel):

Do I know when I'm getting my stuff, and how much extra it will cost me? No.

Do I have a clue about what I'm teaching, how or where? No.

Am I getting paid at all? No idea.

Is my AC still spitting out black stuff? Yes.

What scares me is that these are just the things I can recall off the top of my head.

Amiss is as good as a quote

One of the things I do in my spare time is write. In fact, right now, I am writing. Well, by "right now" I mean "when I'm writing" but not necessarily the "right now" when you are reading. That's a different "right now" which I like to call "then."

My writing is often presented online, or at least saved in clouds and takes a few different forms: these free-wheeling streams of semi-consciousness; poetry; mad random statements, jokes, and musings; notes I leave for myself to remind me to do stuff or remember stuff; and shopping lists. Especially shopping lists. Oxford semi-colon ftw.

My writing is generally rife with what people think of as "errors." Often, yes, typos creep in on little cat feet. I don't often copyread or proofedit what spills out of my brain. But sometimes, those "errors" are just me being my voice (and voice versa).

I was scrolling through The Facebook recently and saw my feed littered with ads encouraging me to sue someone if my content has been scraped and used for training AI. For a split moment, I considered taking the click-rage-greed-bait and seeing if I could get something for the nothings I post in various places. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't want to cash in on something which took little effort and has little inherent value to anyone? Sign me up and give me my money, right?

No. Wrong. That's dumb and I'll tell you why (and AI can misquote me on this). We set words free into the universe all the time and we hope (and pray for those theists out there) that they have an effect on others that smacks of training. I speak to people using proper grammar because the more people hear things said properly, the more chance there is that they will start using proper structure in their own speech (a guy can dream, can't he? Did I mention "dream"? No? OK, hope, pray, dream. Now make me a shirt and send me money).

Surely, I pity the AI that tries to learn a durn thing about English by reading my poetry. But what about one that uses these blog posts to hone its mastery of English and human-speak? Still a fairly bad idea. Sort of.

If my friendly neighborhood LLM is looking at combinations of words, then, sure, use my combinations to muck up your algorithm. I'm fine with that. Do you really want an LLM to use the phrase "you can misquote me on that"? Cuz that's what I wrote. And if the AI sees it enough, its token value will increase making it more likely (even if still unlikely) that it will appear in an AI written piece and an actual human will say "um...dude, that's not how that works." And you can misquote me on that.

Just for the record, my English skills are not bad. When I want to, I can speak and write coherently and properly. It isn't nearly as much fun, but I can put on my brave teacher face and check my work and come out with a cogent and well-phrased argument. Boring but true.

So if the AI is being trained on the basics of sentence structure, then, hey, go right ahead and scrape away. I WANT you to scrape me (baby). Bend me, scrape me any way you want me (h/t The American Breed). That's how people learn when you speak to them in person. They scrape what you say and use it to train themselves in how people speak. The descriptive sense is very important. So why would I mind? If I don't mind when people listen to me speak and improve their speaking or writing (and, dare I say, critical thinking) because of what I said, why should I care that the learner is not human? I tried to train my cat and she was not even totally human either.

What I have written does have a form of implicit copyright, but the words don't. The particular order of them does but most of the combinations of phrases are common. And the uncommon ones won't be of use to anyone else. Also, please remember that many people out there don't have the command of English that I have, so anything scraping their writing is drinking poisoned water (I was going to write "poissoned water" but my reference to statistics would be fishy). Learning from everyone will lead to learning wrong things as well as right. Not the best choice IMHO.

So attention all AI types. Come on, use me more, I like it (h/t Silverchair and a heckuva song btw). Real humans can incorporate voice and also judge, based on the vagaries of the moment, when NOT to incorporate a distinctive voice. That's called judgment and that's what the AI doesn't have yet -- discernment.

And you can misquote me on that.

Week three and the anecdotes

1. Today's tasks centered around uploading documents. There are 2 separate places in which I have found an interface for uploading certain documents. Neither one works very well. Consistency! I also shared my screen with my aliyah coordinator who isn't the same as my aliyah advisor. Or the third person with whom I have a mystery appointment this week. But even then, I might have to fold in an entirely separate government office because, hey, why shouldn't I?

2. Confession time -- last week I had to be passive aggressive and I felt sick about it for the rest of the day and into the next day. I isn't my style and while it might have gotten stuff done, it isn't who I am and I don't want to be someone who routinely uses it to negotiate the ebb and flow of business around here. The real problem is that the same people to whom I was P/A last week are still (maybe) playing me this week. Is it possible that my appointment was cancelled 10 minutes after it was to start for purely innocent reasons? Maybe. Or maybe it is all just another power play. So now I'm busy judging people and that can't be good for me either.

3. Nothing is parallel to anything, at least in terms of streets. Occasionally streets run next to each other but that's just a capricious exigency. Don't count on it to help you get your bearings. Remember, everything is close to everything, but nothing is close to anything.

4. Israel's favorite shape is the circle. Person one refers you to person two, who says that the real expert is person three. Person three says that you need to ask person 1. Repeat. and using the required form on a website, I filed a paper with a company to show I was eligible for something. They respond by saying "what are you talking about." When I reply, they say, "oh, ok -- but you have to file the paper through this email." And now we wait.

5. After my time in Israel, my body is changing and I feel like a kid again - acne is breaking out, my lactose intolerance is back and I'm covered in mosquito bites.

6. My doctors appointment was at 10.45. I showed up early. The confirmation page said that the clinic was in the first floor, room 207. I came in and went up to the first floor. I didn't see room 207 but I was early. Do I check in with someone? So I took a number (popular in many offices, not just delis). It confirmed the appointment time. At 10.45 I worked up the nerve to ask if I should just walk into the Dr's office. The woman looked at the slip and said, "oh you have an appointment with a doctor!" I said yes and she then threw a Dr's name at me -- a name which I had not memorized and practiced saying a thousand times. I said, no, Dr Beilin. She didn't seem to understand. We went back and forth until she finally understood (I have a very strong non-Israeli accent so I actually pronounce words clearly...that must have thrown her off) and said I had to go to the office on the second floor, room 218. I said, the web page said 207 but by then she had lost interest. I went upstairs and was told to go to room 218. Yay, webpage confirmation. I walked to 218 and knocked. The Dr was in there with someone else so I sat in the chairs out side. At 10.58, the person with the ticket number before me was called in so maybe he is running 15 minutes late. The woman walked out only 5 minutes later but then the person with the ticket number after mine was called in. But he didn't move. I sat there, wondering what to do but then my number was called so I went in before the other guy had second thoughts. The doctor was very nice, asked good questions and explained a lot. Of course, most zoomed right out of my head, but he took down my prescriptions. By the end of our conversation (and it wasn't short, so that's nice) I had a prescription for my medicine and a prescription for routine blood work.  Down to the pharmacy I went, and I took a number. I was called and I handed over the prescription paper. She asked for my card (Arabic tinged Hebrew is even harder for me) and then filled my prescription while I waited. Instead of a bottle of pills, counted out to match the prescription, she filled a bag with boxes and containers which should add up to the number of pills I need. I don't know, but it is a lot of little boxes (11, in fact). She explained that one of them could only be filled for a month and I would have to come back to get the rest. I think that's ok, but I'm not 100% sure. I'll find out in the month. And I don't know how to refill the prescriptions. I also (finally) was able to buy calamine lotion (behind the counter...the only stuff not behind the counter seemed to be skin care, feminine hygiene and nursing stuff). I got home via an overly expensive coffee ($6.66 for a large black decaf which wasn't especially large) and painted the town pink. Maybe I can sleep tonight.

7. Very often, you (well, I) don't know how much things cost. I just put my credit card in and then take it out. No receipt, no confirmation of cost. I can see how people go in to debt.

8. I have done something I told myself I wouldn't do -- I bought something that I know I have coming on the lift because I need it sooner. I am aware that my sneakers are falling apart but so far, I have been able to avoid the expense of new ones with a judicious application of super glue. Is this a long term solution? Clearly not but I'll keep trying to avoid doubling up on stuff and spending money for the privilege. However, super glue, the answer to many of life's difficulties, can't clean my floors. So now I will have 2 broom/dustpan combos. Milchig and Fleishig maybe.

9. My foray back to the absorption office was quick and confusing. The woman who stamps documents agreed to stamp my BA and transcript (which, if you recall, she had said she didn't need). I asked her whereto submit my licenses which she stamped. Her response was two fold. First, she explained that she only stamped them in case it might help me get a job, and that she explained this to me last week. To quote the ever quotable Gary Gulman, "yeah...no." That's the kind of detail I would remember, and she didn't say it. This also ignores the fact that there is an entire department supposedly checking licenses (though they haven't answered my email inquiry about the process). Second, se said I could go back to the offices across the street from me and they will upload everything. I'm not so sure, as they told me to go to you, and when I worked with my rep over zoom she conceded that she had no solution for how to upload certain documents. The runaround is so substantial that I get my daily steps without ever having to leave my apartment.

Stay tuned for upcoming adventures like "A/C repair, episode 2" and "I have to buy a step stool" and, of course, "The whole job thing."

week 2, advice

 continued

1. Just because the road is one way doesn't mean there won't be cars coming from the other way

2. Just because an area is a pedestrian walkway doesn't mean there won't be cars

3. Yeah, no, that road is closed today and maybe tomorrow. Or not.

4. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- Israelis don't know how to set up properly laid out/constructed websites

5. Here's a quick guide for dealing with the US (East Coast) while trying to get things done here: You have (at best) between 3PM and 4:30PM (IST) to get things done. Before that, it isn't yet 8AM in the US. After that it is generally not business hours in Israel. There is a little flexibility as some offices in the US open earlier and some businesses here (depending on the day) might close earlier or later. Sapiens sat.

6. Hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol are behind the pharmacy counter. My sister warned me of this but I, being a dutiful older brother, did not heed her wise words.

7. the plugs in your place are all the Type C (2 prong) or H (3 prong) but it looks like small digital clocks no longer use either of those and if they plug in at all, it is to a USB A wall plug. Maybe a USB C but I'm not sure about that. So unless you are in a place that has integrated USB into the wall plugs, you will need to buy an adapter. Or battery power, which I hate.

8. What they call a credit card (from whomever you get it) isn't a credit card. It is a bank-debit card, but it removes the money from your bank account at the end of the billing cycle. You might end up spending a lot more and you won't run out of "credit" because they don't add it up and compare it to your account balance until the end of the month. If you have multiple cards, they draw directly from the bank. Sure, you don't have to worry about paying a bill because the money is applied directly, but you have no way of knowing how "close" you are to your account balance until the end of the month.

9. You don't need as many clothes as you think you do -- washing machines are smaller so you will do loads more often. 

10. Bring twist ties. When I collected all the assorted twist ties I had lying around it numbered in the hundreds. So I threw them out. Huge mistake. Trust me. If you don't need them, I do.

11. This item will be discussed in a separate post which will be posted before this one. So if you are reading this, go back in time and read the other post, then come back here. Thanks.

12, If you go to a catered event, you still have to tip your waiter. Really. 

13. I don't know where you grew up, but I am used to having access to a car or not needing to go anywhere. a walk of a mile or two is considered no big deal so looking for some place "close" might mean something very different. And the hills. Everywhere is up. 

14. Building numbers are not always apparent and even less often, logical.

15. To pay for public transport, you need to get a Rav kav card or set up the moovit app to charge your credit card. I have a card but just set up the app and haven't tested it yet. Once I fail at that, I shall report back.

16. A4 is the paper size. Get used to slight longer and slightly thinner. Like life.

17. Even if you give a particular address, if your building has 2 different addresses, the delivery guy will go to the other, less convenient one.

18. Arnona is a neighborhood and also your "property tax". And a dessert topping, no doubt. Did I mention that neighborhoods have more than one name? Well they do. Renters pay an arnona even though they don't own property. It isn't cheap. So when you figure out your rent, realize that your monthly cost will be larger because you have to pay the arnona. It can be paid in a lump sum or in monthly installments.

19. I have yet to find anything that resembles a dry cleaner. Just saying.

20. Here's a good one -- I usually (clearly, "used to") send my shirts to be laundered at the dry cleaners and they were returned on hangars. I accumulated so many hangars and worked hard to get rid of them. Well, since no dry cleaners here I'll launder my own shirts. But I have no hangars on which to dry them. So, yeah. Hangars. Bam.

21. I don't know where you live but there is construction there. 

This one goes to 11

 Sometimes when I'm trying to get a handle on the whole aliyah thing, I reach levels of self awareness which should be saved for a therapist appointment. But as I, as of yet, don't have a therapist, you all will have to do.

I think that an important part of growing up is reaching an understanding of the self. This isn't about giving up, but about working within reasonable limits and being aware enough of one's own strengths and weaknesses. I'm very much aware of those. So let's discuss the implications, shall we.

When I was a just a little boy, I, as part of a larger family unit, lived in Jerusalem. I was 7-ish and trusted that the world made sense. Then one day, through no fault of anyone's I found out that there were more rules than I knew and I ended up on a public bus headed for Tel Aviv. That was not my plan, but the bus and I diverged on other important points, so this makes sense. Eventually, I was returned to my parents but I have been skittish about public transportation ever since. And truth be told, I probably was before hand also. I think that others, faced with the same fact pattern might have responded differently but since I was already predisposed to living life in fear, this just made it all seem so much worse. In the US, I rarely took trains, and almost never took buses. I get nervous. Heck, I get nervous when the timer goes off on the microwave, but this was on another level. So was it caused by my childhood experience of just exacerbated by it?

That fear/anxiety is a pervasive characteristic. I fear getting lost, I fear the judgment of all people who look at me as lost and see another idiot. I fear ending up somewhere unknown. Now my kids are fearless and maybe this is a function of the ubiquitous phone service but I just never was the type to go explore the unknown. It isn't a singular concept -- I don't have a brain for math, or geography or spatial relations (as it applies to geography) and I have never been good about remembering names and details and learning a language has always been a chore that I found it easier to fail at than not. I was just never wired for that. As an adult, these same issues shadow me constantly but instead of totally freezing up, I live within my limits and accommodate them when I over-plan. Spontaneity has never been my thing because I like to have control over situations and to prepare for the worst. I don't think this has put too much of a hold on the important things I have wanted to do. I just approach them differently and process them differently.  I do have strengths but part of being a good teacher is realizing that I can't expect others to agree that some things are easy just because they are easy for me.

And now, as I approach my 50-somethingth year, I also know that any neuroplasticity which I might have had as a youngster has long since hardened. I am working hard to maintain my failing grasp on the things I know how to do. Adding in more just isn't in the cards and I'm ok with that. Does this mean I can't learn something new? Well, this old dog has no interest in new tricks but I can form new habits as long as I'm mindful and aware of what I'm doing all the time. It is a grind, but I have to create new pathways and burn them in via constant repetition. This takes work. So I need to be very conscious about what new things I am focusing on. Gone are the days of passive absorption. Any "growing" at this age is really intentional and not by osmosis.

Moving, as you could well imagine, is a big deal for anyone, but moreso for someone with my limitations. But moving to Israel includes any number of triggering challenges. My language acquisition is for the birds (uhmerikin birds, thankyouverymuch), and learning where things are and how they are connected to other places is a double problem. Mix those together and add in that bus routes change at the drop of a jackhammer and street names change on the fly (and buildings have more than one address?) and you have a whole lotta mental shaking going on. Also, my temperament guides me away from human interaction in order to protect my fragile ego. I don't like looking the fool by not being able to communicate. And don't get me started on confrontation. Please. I just want to sit back and expect that things will go forward in a predictable fashion and in a proper way. These are also traits often absent from the "live in Israel" experience.

Change and growth are a process and I grant that I cannot blunder blindly ahead using my American standards and privilege and expect the world to bow to my whim. I would like it if there was a bit more of a less severe learning curve, and more explanation of various steps along the way. (take classes to learn the language but to do so, fill out forms that require you know the language already) It seems that people expect me automatically to know things as some sort of common sense even though there is no rational reason to expect that I would. And maybe people who are more "go with it" types can pick up stuff quickly but that's not my strength and it isn't suddenly andmiraculously going to become my strength. It isn't that I don't want to know all the things but that the volume of unwritten rules is rather extensive and until I know them, I just don't, and in the meanwhile, life goes on, expecting me to know all those things.

There are things to do and ways to do them. Knowing either of those is a challenge but knowing both is the kind of combination that isn't happening for me. In a culture which expresses frustration freely and rewards aggressiveness in communication, I'm cooked. 

There are groups and publications that give out info and help and such and I'm not decrying them. I'm just saying that in addition to each person's experience's being different, each person is different and what makes sense or is easy for one person is a very big ask for someone else. This is not a cop out, or a sign of complete resignation, but an admission of who I am and what I am capable of, each step of the way.

So, at the tender age of mid to late 50's, I accept that I understand spoken Hebrew to some degree, but I don't have the vocabulary or mental quickness to respond in kind, and my brain, while it will eventually pick up some more words and phrases, is not going to learn the language the way it did in 1976. And while I'm learning, I'm still going to have to use various translation methods to make the most mundane spam (or it might be a necessary document for my job) become intelligible, and that will slow me down by a factor of about a million (I just spent 10 minutes figuring out how to get some AI thing to translate an image/sign I got in my mail. Finally I found out that there is no reason it was sent to me; it often takes time for me to understand the email header so every email in Hebrew seems vitally important and I can't reflexively delete any).

I now return you to item 12 on my list.

The Wording Way

 I enjoy sleeping but sometimes I forget how and these last few days have 12 to 13 of these times. The good thing about not sleeping is that my brain has all those extra hours to just keep scraping the bottom of the barrel so I end up with thoughts that maybe would have been better served being forgotten. But no, I unlock the back rooms of my brain when I lack the sleep that my brain needs to exercise any judgment or self-control. So don't say I didn't warn you. OK, say it. Who cares? I'm practically a zombie at this point except I can't stomach brains, or vice versa.

I was thinking about a phrase I hear bandied about -- history doesn't repeat itself but it rhymes (attributed variously to Mark Twain and y'know, that guy who wrote about Tom Sawyer, whatever his name is). So I got to thinking, sure, it rhymes, but with what? Mystery? Blistery? Are these things that history should be proud of? And so what if it rhymes with "blistery"? What does that get anyone?

But then I started considering that category of words that do not have rhymes. I felt bad about that -- why deprive them? All those words like month, purple, silver, orange, ninth, pint, wolf, opus, dangerous, marathon and discombobulate, they must be lonely. I bet they have some sort of support group to help them cope. And then, when someone comes up with a potential rhyme, the word feels seen, and doesn't show up to the next meeting. Invariably he comes back when the public decides that nurple isn't really a word; purple slinks back to the group session with all the other words saying nothing but silently scolding him for holding out that phantom hope, secretly glad he came back in a jealous way. And he knows. He knows.

Do words with rhymes (the "benefits" of the dictionary set include rhyming groups) bully words without rhymes? That seems mean. What lesson are we teaching our kids? Check your privilege!

Those words, as I see it, are the prime numbers of the rhyming world. They rhyme with nothing but themselves and the number one. I wonder if there is a similar formula so that scientists can compute  then next prime word in the sequence. If there isn't, someone should invent that and win the Nobel Prize for lexical mathematics (a sadly under-rated field usually only represented by Gematria nerds).