I just thought of this one last night and see no record of it online.
What do you call the salary of someone who captains a boat in France?
The wages of Seine.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
2 puns, one Hebrew/English
If you don't get these, don't worry about it. If you do, start worrying.
1. My car crashed into some slithy toves. So I called a portmanteau truck.
2. I am starting a new business. People come in and participate in making personalized sukkah decorations. I am calling it "Let's make Some Noy's"
get it? נוי
anyway...
1. My car crashed into some slithy toves. So I called a portmanteau truck.
2. I am starting a new business. People come in and participate in making personalized sukkah decorations. I am calling it "Let's make Some Noy's"
get it? נוי
anyway...
Monday, September 17, 2007
More sizes available
OK...so I got that one out of my system, but meanwhile, I came upon a few more:
1. Chartering a wide-body
2. Adding on a wing
3. Earning a greater market share
4. Exploiting the masses
5. Becoming one with the universe
1. Chartering a wide-body
2. Adding on a wing
3. Earning a greater market share
4. Exploiting the masses
5. Becoming one with the universe
Size doesn't matter
Over the years, I have gained a bit of weight. Life goes on and, despite my urge to stay as thin as I was back in college, I have added a bit here and there. Not for lack of dieting, but mostly for complete lack of will power and a taste for all things yummy. I have, therefore, been putting together a list of euphemisms for putting on that weight which will make me feel that what I have done is more socially acceptable. So here they are, in no particular order.
1. Scoring higher on the FAT's
2. Broadening my horizons
3. Becoming more of a man
4. Filling out my forms
5. Weighing in on the matter
6. Thinking locally, acting globally
7. Jelly Roll Morton
8. Driving the roundabout
9. Seeing other sizes
10. Pushing the envelope
tied with
10. Testing the outer limits
1. Scoring higher on the FAT's
2. Broadening my horizons
3. Becoming more of a man
4. Filling out my forms
5. Weighing in on the matter
6. Thinking locally, acting globally
7. Jelly Roll Morton
8. Driving the roundabout
9. Seeing other sizes
10. Pushing the envelope
tied with
10. Testing the outer limits
Friday, August 31, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
2 shabbos puns
1. I was informed by my host that there was a large bottle of vodka in the freezer, so I said "take me to your liter."
2. We were concerned that an urn had ashes of a dearly departed relative, so we asked (ready? this will be funnier to Ashkenazim)
"If we knock this over, will there be a 'mess' on the floor?"
2. We were concerned that an urn had ashes of a dearly departed relative, so we asked (ready? this will be funnier to Ashkenazim)
"If we knock this over, will there be a 'mess' on the floor?"
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Last Thoughts
First, a pun.
When I went to the soda concession in Disney, the guy anticipated that I wanted my Diet Coke poured into a cup.
It was uncanny.
OK, I got that out of my system.
On the last day of our trip, we opted for a water park -- Typhoon Lagoon, to be exact. I had bought the tickets that had the water park admissions pre-paid and by gum, I intended to use that. The usual pre-events of packing and parking went smoothly and the weather called for "surface of the sun" type heat. The perfect day for a water park.
Well, once we walked from the car to the park, already sweating profusely, we realized thatonce inside, we couldn't shlep the bags of food and our clothes all over the place and, as we had already checked out of the hotel, we had no towels with us. So when I went to change in the locker room, I also rented a "large" locker (by large, they mean more expensive but similarly sized. It is a technical word.) and two towels. I jammed everything into the locker, got changed and went back to buy over-priced floppies for my feet. The camera got left behind in the locker so that it wouldn't get wet so we have few memories of the day.
The major attraction is a HUGE wave pool. You can swim up and get crushed by a wave, or stay near the back and get crushed by a wave. We also got to laze around the park in an inflatable 1-person raft and go on a family rafting trip (45 minute wait in the sun for 30 seconds in the raft). And we kept going back to the wave pool. I got scratched up after being dragged along the bottom, elbowed in the head and swamped by all the waves. It was loads of fun. The kids liked it too. Well, one liked it and one hated it. And during the day, I stood in the pool for a while feeling warmer and warmer.
Eventually, we made it to the airport, got pulled for secondary screening (AGAIN) and had flight delays for 2 hours while Newark airport looked at radar maps and worried about rain which was expected in 7 hours. A plane ride and a taxi later, we were home and have been living here ever since.
Of course, then I realized that my entire upper body had turned a pretty shade of red. The burn started burning and I haven't slept well since.
Pictures will be available when we finish assembling the online album, so we can relive this vacation all the time. Oh great.
When I went to the soda concession in Disney, the guy anticipated that I wanted my Diet Coke poured into a cup.
It was uncanny.
OK, I got that out of my system.
On the last day of our trip, we opted for a water park -- Typhoon Lagoon, to be exact. I had bought the tickets that had the water park admissions pre-paid and by gum, I intended to use that. The usual pre-events of packing and parking went smoothly and the weather called for "surface of the sun" type heat. The perfect day for a water park.
Well, once we walked from the car to the park, already sweating profusely, we realized thatonce inside, we couldn't shlep the bags of food and our clothes all over the place and, as we had already checked out of the hotel, we had no towels with us. So when I went to change in the locker room, I also rented a "large" locker (by large, they mean more expensive but similarly sized. It is a technical word.) and two towels. I jammed everything into the locker, got changed and went back to buy over-priced floppies for my feet. The camera got left behind in the locker so that it wouldn't get wet so we have few memories of the day.
The major attraction is a HUGE wave pool. You can swim up and get crushed by a wave, or stay near the back and get crushed by a wave. We also got to laze around the park in an inflatable 1-person raft and go on a family rafting trip (45 minute wait in the sun for 30 seconds in the raft). And we kept going back to the wave pool. I got scratched up after being dragged along the bottom, elbowed in the head and swamped by all the waves. It was loads of fun. The kids liked it too. Well, one liked it and one hated it. And during the day, I stood in the pool for a while feeling warmer and warmer.
Eventually, we made it to the airport, got pulled for secondary screening (AGAIN) and had flight delays for 2 hours while Newark airport looked at radar maps and worried about rain which was expected in 7 hours. A plane ride and a taxi later, we were home and have been living here ever since.
Of course, then I realized that my entire upper body had turned a pretty shade of red. The burn started burning and I haven't slept well since.
Pictures will be available when we finish assembling the online album, so we can relive this vacation all the time. Oh great.
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