Mall Tease

Thursday morning was a lazy morning. Elijah had gone to Tel Aviv for some meeting so Maddie and I drifted aimlessly about the apartment. One rarely wanders aimfully these days. I felt sort of unanchored or uncentered; this is what happens when one confronts a day on which he doewsn't have to go to the tailor. We got up and dressed and I found my purpose -- it was MALL DAY!

Very exciting!

I know that that sounds strange. Generally, I hate the mall and everything it stands for -- people, overpriced junk and standing around while someone else tries on clothes. What self-respecting dad wants to go to the mall and watch his daughter shop for dresses? And though I could present myself as the greatest dad ever and say "I value every moment with the child and if she is happy then I want to share that happiness" or some blather like that, the truth is pretty simple:

Food court.

Again, I understand your confusion. Mall food is chain restaurants and not very good. I totally get that. But remember, in the U.S. it is forbidden. I go to the mall and watch all the people there sitting around eating stuff I can't have. The desirability quotient is through the roof. You could tell me "that guy is eating a spoiled monkey arm" and I'd say "At the mall? Me want!" The choices are pedestrian but the idea that I get to eat mall food is very enticing, so I look forward to the forbidden fruit that is the food court and am willing to put up with anything, and smile about it.

So we jump on the #6 bus from the convention center and get to the mall in 8 minutes. We take 10 more to try and get out of the parking garage and find an entrance. Once inside we descend upon H+M and I have visions of food court dancing in my head. She finds a really nice dress but there is no wifi and my data service is no good. But mall food, so I persevere. Next, to the fancy sell store, full of lotions and potions, sprays and scrubs that all smell like a beautiful and airy chemical factory. Next, 2 more dress stores and I'm that much closer to food. What is amazing to me is that in a country this small, there is still an unending supply of crappy music. No two stores play the same synth pop euro junk but somehow they all play music that sucks. The next dress store is a more religious one so they have a particularly spiritual breed of horrible music.

Mekimi, Yanga, Pull+Bear, we keep walking and these names give us a real sense of what each store has to offer. All have stocked up on a type of dress that is almost what we are looking for. Amazing. Then a stop at SuperPharm for some Paracetomol. Very exotic sounding. At the check out, they have a "three lines all waiting" so the people there entertain me by arguing over who is not going to go next. We toast to each other's bad back and smile. The next store, Simply Love, has "Don't Speak" playing and two dresses to try on. We end up 0 for 2 as neither looks as good on a human as on a hanger. Apparently the tag reads "one size fits someone else". Hangers have it so easy. Studio Pasha...feh. Goldbary? Golbust.

The bloom is now off the rose. I hate the mall. That food court had better serve some damned ambrosia. I want out. We made a stop at a book store so Maddie could stock up on reading material. When she is on base for Shabbat there isn't much for her to do but read since she doesn't use her phone and this is another instance where I am willing to indulge her financially when it effects compliance with religious law. I have yet to find the public library so, bookstore it is.

It ends up that there is no menu that includes ambrosia. The options really are limited. Meat or milk? If you want milk, the choices are bread and spreads or pizza. If you want meat, then burgers or chicken on a flat top or something premade and reheated. Maddie had the sushi. I really wanted fried chicken. Really. But no place has fried chicken. They have shnitzel, breaded and fried cutlets, but I wanted real fried chicken. I opted for the bucket o' fried stuff at Burger Ranch. I really thought it would be a bucket of yummy fried stuff. It ended up being a small bucket with a whole mess of fried potato wedges, 3 chicken stars (like the stuff you might feed a difficult child), 3 pieces of chicken wing and a few onion rings. I mean, for 8 bucks that isn't horrible but not what I was looking for as my mall food experience. I got a large pomegranate juice afterwards and that lifted my spirits.

A bus back to Maddie and a short nap because why not? Then to Elijah's to hang out with his friends and plan the evening. Six soldiers eating meat and hummus and comparing the comfort of various uniforms while discussing (with a relaxed attitude) the possibility of getting killed in the next week. Yikes.

Eventually, we decided on a shuk experience for a Thursday night. First stop, Hatch for an Oatmeal stout. Then Beer Bazaar where they found us a tale reserved for someone else (so we have to be quick) and we ordered some light fare: a large pretzel, the Biltung and the beef jerkey, for comparison's sake. Anything in the name of science. Maddie drank a hot cider, Elijah got the pale ale and I tried the "flight" -- 5 different cups of beer from light to dark. All for science, people. The Black Jack was great but the Birah Esser was over the top. The Bhindi IPA was my least favorite. Fortunately we ran into some former students so I gave it to them and threatened to fail them if they didn't drink it. The waiter brought us popcorn to finish our snack.

Next, Burger Bar (because I decided I was ready for actual food). The wind and rain had picked up so it was a little uncomfortable (this place is right near an entrance to the shuk so the elements creep in). I got a spicy double burger and stood there and ate it. Also onion rings which were mediocre. We looked at a couple more places and settled on My Buddy's Bar. I had a vodka collins and Elijah had a Long Island Iced tea. We got chicken strips to munch on and then the child and I shared vodka shots while we all played HQ and lost. A cab through the wind and rain, and back to the apartment. Overnight a huge storm rolled in with dangerous wind that sounded like thunder and thunder that felt like wind.

We arise on Friday morning with the plan to go to the shuk to shop for some food to cook for the Shabbat lunch at Elijah's apartment and I have started thinking about my return trip. I am feeling a little sad because I have really enjoyed this time with Maddie and with Israel. And pizza. I love pizza.