Better not

I was thinking this morning about what I wish I could do better. Strange but true. But strange. I'm not talking about the things that would be outside of a reasonable wish, like flying. Sure, I'd love to fly but the physics of it eludes me. maybe if I could fly...

Anyway, there are things I can do but not well, and I'm talking about those. And I'm not talking about things that I think I do fine -- I can cook, both by following a recipe and by dead reckoning (which does not involve cooking road kill -- that is dead racooning). Sure, my food isn't gourmet but it is warm, tasty and abundant so siddown and eat. I write passably, especially as I'm the one giving out the grades. I drive, usually forward, I know how to juggle and can recite the multiplication tables hands down. For long division, I throw my hands up. After I eat them.

I've had caffeine this morning. Can you tell? Please don't.

So what I want to be able to do is ice skate. Like hockey, not any other. Go figure. I want to race across the ice, do a hockey stop that throws a spray of ice chips, and then glide backwards and not fall down and get a concussion. I do know how to skate, but in that awkward way that the only way I can stop is by aiming at the wall and letting it, or anyone between me and said wall do the hard work. A natural question to ask is whether I would also want to be really good at skiing. The answer is no. While skiing looks like fun it is really just controlled falling and the promise of hot chocolate at either the beginning or end. Ice skating is down on a flat surface with the option of hot chocolate AT ANY POINT!

An unnatural question might involve a dead racoon.