Not letting the dog lie

 

He's a liar. I love him so much, but Sparky is just not being fair or telling the truth.

You might have read his most recent claims about us here and I want to defend myself and explain a few things.

First, we let him sleep on the bed, so much so that he often pushes me off the edge of my side and he takes my blanket. I do nothing about it because, well, frankly, I'm scared of him. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and he's sitting there, watching me, glint in his eye. I mean, he's cute and all but I wonder if he's planning something.

I often ask him in the morning if he wants to go out. He growls at me and snaps. He likes to sleep late so I let him and he gets let out on his schedule. He goes out and uses the facilities and I wait for him to come back in on his schedule. If he wants to hang out, I let him. Then when he comes in (on days when I'm home) we sit together on the sofa or I make a little bed for him in a sunbeam so he can relax.

I try to ask him throughout the day if he wants to go out (I don't want any accidents in the house!) but usually he just sits there like a lump, rejecting the offer unless he hears a squirrel, a dog, a delicious child or a particularly noisy leaf outside. Then he runs to the door and I run after him to open it up. If I could teach him to open it, I would but 'til then, I'm the doorman.

He also does not eat his food so much. Part of this is my fault. When I eat (because of my low-carb diet) I focus on fats and proteins. Sparky thinks that there are two food groups -- fats and proteins so he constantly asks for my food and I indulge him. I eat chicken, he eats chicken. I eat hamburger, he eats hamburger. I eat eggs, he eats eggs. I eat fish, he eats fish. Bottom line is that he eats my dinner at larger volumes than I get to. But I spoil him because I'm afraid that the sentence will read "I eat my own food and he eats my face while I sleep."

But we also fill his bowl with one food that he is willing to eat. But he doesn't just walk over to the bowl and eat -- he plays this game where he sits in the middle of the room until someone gets between him and his bowl. Then he runs to the bowl and growls, "defending" it. Weird, right. But if you walk away to let him eat, he won't eat. You have to return to his bowl and pretend to block his access and he growls and snaps louder and louder. Eventually, he starts to eat, once he feels that he has "earned" it through showing how brave he is. I get a headache from the noise and find it very inconvenient, but if this is what gets Sparky to eat, nothing is too good for him. But anything he says about not feeding him simply untrue. He will look at me while he is still chewing the last bite of cheese and make a face that says "you never give me anything!" Hello! You are still eating what I just gave you, Sparky! 

He is like a boy dog version of a teenaged drama queen. So please, don't believe him. We treat him very nicely and he has anger issues. Thanks for your understanding.