Flight or Flight

 Like barbarians, we davened Maariv at the gate -- 11 guys which seemed sparse for an El Al flight. Eventually there was a breakaway minyan because some other people wouldn't be caught dead daveniing with us. I guess.

I needed water to drink water so I went to go buy water. The guy in front of me had a voucher so he was paying for everyone's stuff. Free water! Money saved, right? Well, not exactly. I settled in with my water and discovered that the pen that I had so carefully packed had chosen to abandon its role as a writing implement. The ink had gone astray. So I needed to buy a pen. Crazy, right? I spend way too much and bought a pen and all that saved water money went down the drain (see what I did there?)

The plane arrived (it was a 787-9 Dreamliner called the Be'er Sheva...I like that El Al names its planes. It makes them more lovable. There was a mass of people milling about and a line broke out. They called for the Business class people and those who need special arrangements so everyone ran to board because we are the chosen people and are all special. Apparently. I promised myself that I would not rush to board. I had an aisle seat so I knew that I wouldn't have to climb all over anyone, so why rush. Then I overheard discussions about the limits on overhead bins and I, holder of a personal item and a backpack, gots to have my overhead compartment space, so I got on line.

My seat (and all seats in my section) ar very narrow. Very. My shoulders are actually broader than the seat so when people walked by, I got whacked into.

And now, an ad for Jewish geography -- Greenberg and Cohnen were on the flight, as was someone named Rachel with whom I went to college and someone named Ilana who went to college with me 2 years after me. And we're back.

The safety video was playing on a loop at my seat so I thought that that meant I wouldn't have to watch it when we took off. I was wrong. That Suchard mentalist guy is ok once or twice, but not 6 times. I planned o having some sugar and Benadryl to make the sleep show up quickly, but I skipped the Benadryl when I saw that there was Wifi on the flight. I wasn't skipping the sugar -- chocolate covered Payday bar. That's right. It was awesome

The Wifi was free only if you limited your browsing to sites called "El Al and things we sell." I should have had the Benadryl. Take off was fairly on time and we ended up safely in the air, so there's that. Dinner is served.

Dinner consisted of 2 chicen nuggets with some orzo and corn. The bread was actually bread and I wasn't going to wash so I missed out on that :(. The chicken was tasteless, but not in the funny way. Now, I know what you're thinking -- we lose some huge chunk of taste buds on a flight so I shouldn't be so quick to hate  but trust me: they were hot and filling, but tasteless. When I topped them with chummus, they tasted suspiciously like yummy chummus, and the chocolate cake for dessert was tasty and fantastic and i didn't just spout new tastebuds for the occasion, so I think that we can all agree that I am right and the chicken was flavorless, and not in the funny way.

I covered myself up with my jacket and tried to sleep (and, like the rebel that I am, I removed my mask while under the hood...yeah!). I put on some Mussorgsky (pictures at an inquisition or something) because it was the closest thing to classical music on the seatback audio menu.I was mildly successful at sleeping but also incredibly successful at finding ways to hurt. I experienced a new and different leg pain because of how I was contorted, so yay? I did get a few hours of sleep and fortunately, I have an advanced degree in "getting by after only a three hours of sleep" so this was right in my wheelhouse. I will be as incoherent as I am on most every other day so that's exciting.

I awoke to see the men around me beginning to daven morning prayers. They weren't daveing together in a minyan but were in the same general area of the plane. I had read up on the salient laws and it seems that the winds of halachic change are blowing and there was no call for a minyan on the flight. I put on my tallis and tefillin and wandered over to the popular prayer spot a few rows back. There was good lighting there. In the middle of my prayers, a guy came over to me and asked a halachic question. Of me. I was the one guy in a t-shirt. The one guy with the blue strupes on his tallis in a sea of black stripes and gartels and he asked me. I mumbled something non-commital as every good rabbis trained to do, asn went back to my prayers. Then the "seat belt" light came on and I, familiar with the salient laws, went back to my seat and sat down, then continued to pray. That was weird.

The sun dawned (and vice versa) so I watched a movie -- the video selections are old and not very good. Before the movie, I thought of a question -- if the basic wifi plan includes Whatsapp, does it include Whatsapp calls?

By the way, my seat was 27H, on the wing. This is not nearly as exciting as Shakespeare makes it out to be in Hamlet. Look it up. Being on the wing gives one a fascinating view of the wing.

I watched Chips, the movie. Not as carb filled as I would have liked but with enough partial nudity to make it awkward to watch on an El Al flight. It wasn't a horrible movie and Michael Pena is a fantastic actor. But it was awkward and at times, way to uncomfortable for me to watch (not a function of the R rating, but the situations which were very uncomfortable for me).

I then watched 2 episodes of a documentary about Michael Palin and his documentaries. I enjoyed it much more than the movie. Because I'm an old man. Breakfast was served: a bland cheese omelet, pureed tuna spread, real bread (sad), a little bit of fruit, some granola and a cup of plain yogurt. Gross. 

As the sun rose (or set...I have lost track) I noticed that the windows in economy were all tinted blue but the ones in business were not. Take that! The tint is instead of shades and is controlled by a digital dial by each window. But then it is overridden by the default plane settings making the choice of the passenger moot.

We landed which I guess had to happen eventually. Deplaning was actually very quick. I zoomed through all the various checkpoints. I got through biometric entry, and the guys checking biometric entry. I got through passport control and the guys checking passport control. I got to the baggage claim (mine came out late in the game but that's ok) then off to the COVID testing building which was a mass of huamnity all having the temerity to breathe. I had paid in advance and kept the bar code visible so the people there presumed I knew what I was doing. I was just paying attention to what got the people in front of me yelled at and I didn't do that. It worked out. My Hebrew is mediocre (and masks make it harder to understand) but by paying attention I was able to look like I knew what I was doing. I didn't. Shhh. At the COVID station, they first swab your mouth and then your nostril with the same swab. That can't be hygienic or sanitary. 

Anyway, I got my yellow bracelet which shows I have been tested and I await results. I found my way to the train station (I couldn't hear the vendor at the ticket booth so I thought he said NIS 6.50 but he said NIS 16.50 so I looked foolish. Ugh). I took the escalator to the platform. Note to everyone, save your ticket. You need it to get on AND get off the train. I figured that people would just throw their tickets on the floor like normal people but then they would be stuck on the train forever. Fortunately, I was in a nostaligic mood and saved my ticket so I was able to produce it and make my escape.

The train station is NOT right next to the bus station. The construction (so substantial!) makes it hard to get your bearings, and many streets are closed. So anyway, i found my way to the Swidlers but it was touch and go for most of the trip. I'm settled in and am ready to attack tomorrow through the haze of a good night's sleep.