thankyouthankyouthankYOU

 I caught a few minutes of the awards show at which Adam Sandler was awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. A comedian (not so much a humorist IMHO) being lauded by the people he has given jobs to over the years. As only a somewhat-fan of Sandlers vast and uneven body of work I wasn't particularly impressed or interested in the show. Famaous people congratulating each other on being famous. Feh.

Anyway, the Walter Mitty lobe of my brain kicked in to high gear as I supposed that i would be the recipient of said award at some point in the near future. because how could I not? Amirite? Damrite.

Here's what I would do. I would go to the event people and ask to rent out the exact space (the Kennedy Center) the evening before and I would have the same camera set up. I would then have the cameras record me, in a tux, sitting alone for 4+ hours, possibly either responding to imagined speeches, or sitting stolidly for the entire time or maybe slowly becoming more and more concerned by the lack of anyone else in the venue.

I'm not saying that this is to be played as "I was there on the wrong night" bits. That's cute, but not nearly strange enough. I imagine an opening which plays the theme song of the eveing. Oh, didn't I mention that I'm working on a show starting (and stopping!) show tune to be played? Here are the lyrics that I have so far:

A litle bit of Kaufman!

A little bit of Glass!

A little bit confusion

A whole lotta crass

Watch me for four hours

just sitting on my ass

because

a little bit of Kaufman and

a little bit of Glass!

[I have sketched out 6 more verses and a wicked lute solo...]

The award would be on the front podium for about 3 and three quarter hours. Then, after the umpteenth commercial break, I smile and wave and make my way down to the stage where I accept my award.

At this point, I could deliver a speech, full of random pointing to non-existent people, inside references and knowing winks so that the TV audience will feel even more left out. Or maybe I'll just stand there awkwardly, looking around for a full minute, then take the award and slowly back off stage. There are many possibilities.

Anyway, I hope not to see you all then, and thank you for this award!