Hello, girls

I know what I am planning to do and I know that I will fail.

I want to write a heartwarming piece of drivel aimed at my niece who will be getting married next week. But every time I start to write, I come up with things that are so mired in the feelings I want to present to my own children that I end up with something which masquerades as an uncle's good wishes to a niece but is in truth, a dad's mush to his kids. So instead of fighting, I concede to the powers of the muse who pushes me into this and I embrace it.

Riks -- and I call you that for the same reason that I call your older sister Shasha -- because it is still the name that I am most comfortable with, so deal with it...my own kids wish I called them something akin to their actual names. Riks, you have always been a bundle of joy. You have always amazed me with skills and talents that make me want to kill you and eat your brain so I could have that talent. I saw that on TV so it must be true. Your smile is infectious, but in a good way and you are, as we in academia like to to say, a good egg. I want to tell you about what your life should be by explaining to you one of my major fears.

I have always worried that my children were sad. I still worry that. What I wish for people is happiness and I try to bring that to them. When my kids were little(r) I used to wake them up with a song. Not one that I sang, God forbid, remember, I wanted to bring them happiness. I would get a song like Morning has Broken or Morning from Peer Gynt or something like that and slowly increase the volume. I would give them a kiss and help them stretch a big stretch to start the day with a smile. I wanted them to know that they are waking up into a world in which someone appreciates them for just being who they are. I wanted them to wake up with a smile because in this nasty and brutish world they should know that they are loved. I wanted them to know that someone was thinking of them when they were asleep and will continue to keep them in mind while they are awake not because of anything in particular but just because. That's what love is. The love of a dad for a kid, and the love of a spouse for a spouse -- unconditional and irrevocable. Like a good wine.

I'm not sure it is like a good wine, but I have always wanted to say that. "Like a good wine." There. Scratched that itch but good.

And we're back.

So Rik, I want you to have a happiness that is so grounded in an unconditional love that you can't shake it. I want you to wake up and know that there are people, and one very special person, who choose to be around you because you are their first and last thought. And many in between. I want you to grab hold of a love not because it replaces another but because it is, on its own, worth grabbing. Wake up to a song, go through your day with a smile and end each evening knowing that you matter to someone more than anything else matters. I hope I didn't fail with my kids. I think back to the mornings when I was a bit more sour than sweet, and they were a bit more human than ideal. I regret the moments I missed bringing them joy and I want you to be more aware so you miss fewer opportunities.

I want you, and my own kids, to feel a safety net, a network, even if only of one person but more likely, of many, that will always be there for you. Put someone else first and be put first. My blessing to you is that I hope you have a joy inside you that you can and want to share and that you have found someone to share it with, someone who wants to share right back with you.

And if you don't want to listen to Cat Stevens, I'll understand, but that song really can make you choke up...which is a problem when you are driving.