spoiler alert: I'm alive

The things we learn and the things we do

I'm sitting here at 26 thousand feet battling vague nausea and constant dread as we fly towards Chicago for a family celebration. The dread is about the flight not the event and only tangentially about Chicago. Broad shoulders they say. Just another reason for me to feel bad about my own physique. Even the city is in better shape than I am. 

But between the "chop" (that's airplane talk for turbulence that induces both vomiting and prayer) and the cramped seats I have already had an interesting morning. Here's what I have learned:

You can say morning prayers on a 737 if you are nice to the flight staff and are willing to get sidelong glances from most everyone. As I'm used to people looking at me all weird and such this was not really a challenge. The hardest part was the timing - when the seat belt light was off but the attendants were busy moving all around and needing the galley for the galley-type activities.

The headphones that American Airlines gives out seem to trigger the Google assistant on my phone so trying to watch a show which I downloaded on Netflix is impossible as the assistant keeps kicking in and minimizing the video. I thought that playing music would be a good backup plan but I did not download the AA app so while I can recognize and supposedly connect to the plane's wifi, I cannot actually connect to anything internet related so my music remains in the cloud, just not the one I'm flying through. For those of you keeping score, I didn't download the app when told to because, knowing I had no earphones, I didn't plan on using the phone. But then, hey, free earphones so I'm thinking, yeah, I'm back. Apparently not.

It is nice, though, to be able to type this while this metal tube navigates the bumpy air separating me and O'Hare airport. Now to locate the emesis bag...

2 things as we hurtle earthward - first us that I get angry when people don't sit down after the attendants and Captain say to. It isn't that I'm a blind rule follower, I just don't want some scoff law's arm smacking me as he is tossed about because his buckle is uncomfortable or he has to rearrange his pockets. Second is that when they announce that the flight attendants have to forego the safety check and just sit I worry. I'm worried.

Is there a type of terror beyond sheer terror? Because that's what I got. 

The flight crew is back in the aisles so I'd like to think that the worst is past. I also would like to think that I'm going to win the lottery so maybe just thinking isn't going to be enough.

I note a strong positive correlation between when I think I'm going to die amdst the turbulence of a plane flight and the times when I am on a plane flight. The course of action seems clear. I'm going to walk to Israel.

We landed. Let us never speak of the shortcut again.