Gorgeous Speeches

 ORIGINAL INTRO FROM MONTHS AGO:

"Time for another attempt at a wedding speech. Kid number 1 has just announced that the boy popped the question and that she said "yes" so I have to start assembling wits of wordsdom, and that takes time. Also, as they are considering getting married in Israel, I'm going to have to write a speech and then get it translated, then learn Hebrew so that I can read it well enough to know how bad a translation it is."

7 MONTHS LATER -- the location has changed and all my attempts at speechifying have failed. I warned the young people that, at the event, I would take up a minute or so of nothing in particular, and would save my brilliant haranguing for the internet, so I'm just using this as a space to collect pearls of swine to cast before the youth. The title is a reference to the phrase "Georgia Peaches" as used in the song "Call Me the Breeze" by Lynyrd Skynyrd (written by J.J. Cale). It is unrelated to this blog post in any other way but I happen to like the song. Deal with it.

Step one -- collect the relevant pieces of advice. This is an ongoing process which I undertook over 25 years ago, so handing it, fully formed to the young people seems a tad unfair. But, hey, that's what dads do. This list was curated over the space of 6 months, reflecting on years of living life.

Step two -- type up the list and put it online. Ta da.

In no particular order

1. Don't hold a grudge. Let go of what you let go.

2. Check your ego at the door. You aren't always right.

3. Always assume that you significant other has the best of intentions and is putting you first.

4. Always have the best of intentions, and put your significant other first.

5. This isn't a dress rehearsal. You aren't practicing for when you really grow up and have a life. This is it. One take, continuous shot. Get it right.

6. Tell each other you love each other at least once a day. Never assume it is understood. It needs to be said, meant, and heard.

7. Laugh a lot with each other. Rarely, if ever, at each other. Know when it isn't the right time to laugh and act accordingly.

8. Money is awesome but having, keeping and using are rarely in the same sentence. Sometimes, make decisions that seem less fun now but will help towards future money-based happiness. Just because you have it doesn't mean you should spend it.

9. Learn to love where you are and what you have. If you are always looking at the horizon, you miss the cows on the side of the road. Trust me...that's a deep one.

10. Count your blessings and remember that one of them is knowing how to count.

11. Forgive before you are asked to and ask to be forgiven even when you are sure you are right.

12. Be best friends. It is the two of you against the world. And if/when you have kids, remember, they are only SOMETIMES on your team...

13. Acknowledge that you are wrong at least once a day. Odds are, you are wrong, on some level well more than that.

14. Know where the line is and don't cross it.

15. The newest technology can't take the place of a conversation between people who know each other and are paying attention to everything the other person says.

16. Know where your local library is, damnit. Go there sometimes just to be reminded of how wonderful it is and be surprised by all that you didn't know was there.

17. No one can read your mind. Don't expect that anyone can. Unless you marry Uri Geller and neither of you is marrying Uri Geller. If you happen to be marrying Uri Geller, contact me -- I have a totally other speech for that. Actually, don't contact Uri Geller. If he is as good as he supposedly is, he knows it already. Also, no riddles. No mysterious "come here" without an explanation. Yes, the other person should trust you that it is important, but it is easier just to speak than to expect blind obedience.

18. Be honest even (and especially) if it requires you to admit you are wrong.

19. Set an example.

20. Be stricter than you think you need to be with your kids; be more to the right and demand that they live up to a higher standard. They can loosen up when they get older.

21. In almost all cases, it is more important that something gets done than that it gets done the exact way you want it.

22. Be quick to ask forgiveness, but quicker to give it, even without being asked.

23. Always be nice. That's such an important bottom line. All these items, well, many of them, can be boiled down to "be nice".  Stop. Think about what you do, what you say and how you say it. If it isn't "nice" then you need to rethink your choices. You can joke and kid around, but when the rubber meets the road, you best be nice.

24. Even if you win the lottery, live frugally.

25. Do things because they need to be done. Do them right because there is no other way to be.

26. Look for solutions, not arguments and not blame.

27. Be self aware enough to know when you are changing and how.

28. Earn respect, pay respect. Pay attention. Pay compliments.

29. Don't take things too seriously, with the following exceptions: your spouse's feelings, finances, religious identity, disciplining a child, turn signals when driving.

30. Go out for ice cream together once a month at least.

31. You will both become different people over time. That's not a bad thing. Rediscover each other and fall in love with each other repeatedly. Make sure you constantly become someone worth falling in love with.

32. Never make a list of fewer than 33 items.