An evening's thought

 They say "never buy a bathroom scale when you're angry" but damn it I'm angry and I'm buying a bathroom scale.

It would generally be unexpected to begin a conversation by saying "I'm here about the stapler?" The obvious exceptions would involve some sort of stapler convention or sale.

There's a real fine line between when you want a cheese sandwich and when you don't want a cheese sandwich.

I'm gonna be the me the me was afraid the world would think the me would be.

Talking to myself really helps because if I don't do it then I can't keep track of who's saying what.

Just because you haven't done anything wrong doesn't mean you have done anything right.

Lying to your doctor is a great way to keep him from giving you unwanted advice. Every time I go and they ask me to self-report my weight, I add a couple of pounds, and then when he starts telling me I'm overweight, I start self reporting a slightly lower weight until he stops.