In which I don't know what day it is

 I will now try to catch you up on the entire of yesterday leading up to today, but I shall do so without knowng exactly what day it was and/or is. The jet lag adjustment has been only middling so far so my mind is mostly in between reality zones (they are like time zones, but not for time, hence the name).

So welcome to Tues  Wednesday.  I slept fairly well and comprehensively thanks to such things as a bed and a blanket and a sleeping pill. I woke up refreshed and ready for a nap. Eventually, I realized I would need to get going so I came upstairs in time to take a nap. I saw avital as she left for school and then Eyal and I played my daily, online brain games to ensure that the zombies will get a good meal out of me. The boy also played Pips wich is like dominoes with math. I see no reason to participate in such a travesty. Math. Amirite? Eyal then made himself a breakfast of an omelet and jachnun. I aspire to have my face on the side of a jachnun box one day.

We walked to the light rail and light rode to Har Herzl (my first executive decision will be to add some sort of letter to the second syllable of his name, and maybe even introduce the Z to a T...Har Hertzel. Yeah. That works. So it shall be done! We got on the light rail and then, a few stops later, we had to get out of one car and go into a different car. I'm not sure why but I trust Eyal. He also told me I have to pay again even though we got right back on to the same train. I did because I trust Eyal. He then laughed because Simon didn't say, so I had to go sit on the side until next game. I met a former student (named Douek. When I knew him he had less beard, or possibly fewer). Then off the train and up the hill to the Yom Patuach (open house) for Yeshivat Netiv Meir, which Eyal is looking at. When I walked in with him, the security guard asked me my business there, so I said I was with the boy. Then he asked me (in Hebrew) if I was carrying a weapon. I laughed and surrendered to him because I'm not a gun carrying guy.

I walked up to the fourth floor and spoke with some people there, then I walked down to the first floor and left. I decidd to walk back -- how bad could it be as it was just 8 stops on the light rail. All I needed to do was follow the light rail back and I would save all that money on the train fare. Stickin' it to the man. That's how I walk. The flaw in the plan was that it relied on my good judgment. I should have known that it was a bad idea, simply because it was mine. I walked. It seemed a reasonable task and I even stumbled upon another place at which I wanted to speak to some poeple, so that was convenient if not tiring. (ask me about this place in person -- the front entrance was actually around the back) Then things went downhill, but only briefly because then things went back uphill. Israel is the old country. How can I tell? I recall all the stories from the old country. In those stories my elders always said that the walk somewhere was "uphill both ways." That's clearly Jerusalem. It was uphill in all directions. You went uphill only to discover that in some escherian way, you were at the bottom of another hill. And also completely lost because while bemoaning the hills you forgot to follow the tracks.

[I recall the events of one of my favorite books, "The Man Who Stole the Atlantic Ocean" in which the main character gets lost while already being lost.]

I found my way through Romema and Zichron Moshe where all sorts of people knew where they were. I onged for that sense of place and comfort so I sat on a bench and pretended to know where I was. I did this many times on my trip and I think it worked because no one came up to me and asked "are you lost?" By sheer luck and the fact the Israel is not a large country, I eventually found a street I recognized (though I had never seen it from the back) and I finished my one hour walk in a record time of two hours. [In an effort to save money, I am leaving my phone on wifi only. I figured that I could find someplace with free wifi so as to save the 12 bucks a day. My stubborness served me poorly yet again as I could not find said wifi and could not call a cab, pull up a map or play any games. Torture.]

Time for a quick turnaround during which I decked myself out in a suit, ran my fingers through my lack of hair and headed out to the number 7 bus towards First Station. Sometimes it seems that Jerusalem is a city of buses as there are so many. This was not one of those times. There weren't any buses for a while so my carefully crafted schedule was tossed into a carefully crafted trash can. Fifteen minutes later, the 7 appeared as if by driving. Along the way, I connected to the bus wifi so I was able to become nauseated more efficiently. Science! The bus worked its way through the traffic (half the streets closed, half the streets pregnant, MASH reference). We made it to First Station and I debussyed with no idea where to go to find the taxi. This was compounded by the fact that the bus drove away with my wifi. Because I needed to be in contact with the others waiting for me in the cab, I turned my phone on. But everytime a bus drove by, my phone attempted to connect to it so the roaming 4G service I was hoping for never stood a chance. It took a series of missed calls and panicked wanderings before a gentleman named Benji found me and took me through a completely unintuitive path to a parking lot that I would never have found on my own. I have always depended on the pity and competence of strangers. Into the cab and onward.

We drove through a series of side streets (in Israel, you get everywhere via detours and side streets which is why invading armies have trouble) until we arrived at Neve Ilan (Kedma). Into the wedding we went (how exciting!!!) I found me some Lauderdales, an Aunt Marci and other refugees from the US who chose to invasively colonize Palestine, appropriate its culture and force evil western values upon the peacful and indigenous cats. True fact, the plethora of cats are NOT indigenous to the area. They were brought in to get rid of the dogs. In Israel, cause and effect go from right to left. I was introduced to other people in all sorts of professions. I quickly excused myself as meeting people makes me social and I can't have that. I ate some food. There were bao buns, and Thailandian bowls of things. I also had an orange soup.

The wedding was conducted much like the in-flight safety video on El Al except instead of being in Hebrew and English, it was in English and Portuguese.  The bride's side is from Brazil, and not the one in Indiana (h/t Rafi for the research). I feel like the next time I go on an international flight, I might smash a plastic cup and shout Mazal Tov after the last announcement. I look forward to flying Air Brazil because now I will know if anyone is getting married on board.

We settled in for the chupah -- I asked Steve if I could sit on his lap but he said "take a number." The others who had asked were better looking than I so I slinked, slanked slunk away and sat on a couch next to a cat.

The order of operations at the wedding was basically what I recognized but with a twist. Dani and his parents walked first and then Dani made a Shehechyanu on the talit that he put on. Parts of the ketubah were read and translated but not the whole thing because I was told there would be no math. As soon as Dani put the ring on Bruna and said the magic words, everyone (who was so inclined to express human emotion, so not me) erupted in joy and song. I was sitting next to a cat. What more joy could there be? After the reading of the ketubah, Dani gave it to Bruna and said "harei ze ketubatech" and there was much rejoicing.

The 7 blessings were made by a variety of dignitaries, uncles and dignified uncles. Each blessing was explained in English and Brazilian (I don't know how to spell Portuguese) and then the band played on.  Then we moved into the grand room for the meal and dancing and laser light show. I ate some bread, had some falafel and skipped the appetizer (there were two options, one had pistachios and the other, kalamata olives. I am possibly allergic to the former and the latter is a crime against humanity and possibly some other species). For the main course, I chose the Asado which is Israeli for "cow." It was served on a puree but, strangely, the menu did not say "of what." I ate it. It was definitely a puree. There was also a small tomato which looked like a planet. I don't eat planets. Gotta have rules in life, friend.

At the crack of 11:15 three of us got into a taxi for the ride back. We needed to be back before I turned into a goon. The cab guy did not drop us off at First Station but instead, took each of us to our ultimate location. I got back to N+D and prepared to go to bed. First, there were a couple of phone calls to make (and answer) then, conked out.

This morning (rumor has it that today is now Thursday) I woke up at around 8 and got up to daven. Towards the end of davening I began to feel faint and sick, so I immediately got back in bed. That cured me. Two more hours of sleep is what the doctor ordered (so now I have to pay a co-pay) and now, it is already afternoon and I have yet to wake up fully. I shall persevere. Today's plan involves maybe a cup of pomegranate juice, and maybe a walk. Or both. More events as updates warrant.