A Close Shave

 I don't like to shave. It is boring and usually frustrating. I have never enjoyed it and as a younger man I has plagued with in-grown hairs so when I shaved I either ended up bleeding or with dark lines under big bumps. Thing is, one thing I dislike more than shaving is how I look when I haven't shaved. When I shave I can pass for someone a little younger while when I don't shave I can pass for a senior citizen. So I shave. Occasionally. I do let the scruff grow for a while before I give in and start the ritual of the shave. Some shavers work better on longer hair. I'll just keep telling myself that.

Since my son-in-law introduced me to it, the Phillips One Blade has been my go to. I get nothing from them so that's an unsolicited endorsement. Now if they, out of the goodness of their huge corporate heart wanted to drop off, say, a selection of kosher cold cuts, I wouldn't say no. But anyway, I lathered my face up (you think I'm in a lather now? Ha!) and started shaving. Different men have different styles and orders of operation. I'm a symmetrist. I start on my right side and work a certain amount, then do the corresponding area on the left cheek. I keep it balanced and move back and forth, shaving sections moving towards the middle.

So there I was, mostly undressed, lights on bright and with me and myself eyeing each other through the mirror. I had finished most of my face and began work on the mustachal region. Right, left. Repeat. At a certain point I took a break to stretch a little and suddenly I realized with fright that if, God forbid, I were to drop dead right now, whoever finds me will find me in my skivvies wearing a Hitler mustache. I felt the urge to, very carefully but very quickly, finish the shave job before I keeled over and left nothing but questions in the mind of the public. Life and death as a matter of timing, it seems, as timing is what's keeping me from causing such a fuhrer.

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to answer your question, no. I didn't know it would end with that when I planned it out. That popped into my head as I was writing it.