Ketching Up

 Dinner on Wednesday was a quick walk up to Agrippas to Burger Market. I think I have been there before but it seemed like a reasonable choice. Their menu had 2 main-course options: Burger and Vegetarian burger. Guess what I had! (hint, I am not a communist)

I ordered a burger with extra meat on top, hold the raw onion. Fries on the side and a Carlsberg. There was some confusion on what I wordered, whether I paid and what I paid for because the automated ordering kiosk chose not to communicate my order to the men behind the counter. So I ordered again, and this time, I guy wrote my order down with a magic marker, on a piece of scrap paper. Much more efficient that way. I ate successfully (any meal you can roll away from is a good meal)

Back to the house and I saw Eli and cousin Elish. They went out to buy stuff for a birthday party and I asked them to pick up a Cookie Monster (in Hebrew, Jookie Monster) onesie PJ for me. It cost 100 Shekel but he got it for 40. SCORE. The rest of the evening was schmoozing with Eli, Elish, friend Ilan and whoever else happened to be around. Then Jack Reacher, 3 hours of reels and bed.

Thursday was a food focused day (making it markedly different from exactly no other days). I met Jeff Oshin at the Columbia store on Agrippas (I like Columbia clothing but those prices were at least one decimal point too high for those products) and we walked to Mike's. Jeff got the buffalo chicken strips which were spicy. I ordered a Guiness as my appetizer. Strong move. Chatted with the owner and we knew some people in common and some common people. Jeff and I caught up and discussed Israel, and food and stuff. He had a New York burger and I had a double Mike's burger. TWO LAYERS OF MIKE!

It was a wonderful meal with wonderful company so that was pretty awesome. I finished just in time to get lost on my way to dinner. I used my phone to get me to ShlomTziyon Hamalka but it kept giving me directions which seemed rather confusing. I had recalled that the street was easy to find but the phone made it unduly difficult. I believe the street must have moved because my phone was in the same place. So I put the phone away and relied on luck which paid off. This is the kind of street which one can only find when not looking for it. I met up with Nomi and Eyal at Chicken Chips (these chips don't lie) and we bellied up to the barstools and ordered.  I started with 500 ml of Muller beer and then had five pieces of crunchy chicken. They make each order to order so there is some wait time. I filled it by talking to a cat and drinking a beer. Possibly vice versa. Nomi got a sammich of crispy chicken on bread with lettuce on the side. Some things don't change. The fries were just meh but the chicken was very nice!

During the various walks, I ran into a Karben, some Mershons  and a 5 students (after a few hours, I remembered 3 first-last name and 1 first name and one no name but I should know) from Touro and Stern. Back to the homestead. Thus endeth the Thursday night.

This morning Nomi and I took a walk to look at some stuff and then back here to get ready for Shabbos. Wishing all a great Shabbos and a happy everything else!

Making the grade

 Tuesday morning, I decided to stay in. I was here to chew gum and grade papers, and I was all out of gum. The weather validated my decision -- gusty winds and driving rain made the entire of outside even more uninviting than I find it usually is. 

While I worked, I had an idea. This is never a good idea. My having an idea is not a good idea. I decided to download the WOLT (delivery) App and try it out. I found a restaurant called Halati, in Hebrew Challahti (I think their sammiches are served on challah). David got a pulled beef sammich on some sort of bread (possibly challah). I searched the menu for the word "fried" and then clicked "select all" and "add to cart." Forty minutes later, a guy on a motorcycle drove up and handed me a bag. They estimated the time would be an hour but he was 20 minutes early. That was unexpected, but welcome.

We sat with Avital (Yoni is sick on the couch and Eyal is at a Yom Patu'ach for Shefa) and ate. The sweet potato fries were a bit סגי but the onion rings were crispy. The kubas were kubalicious. I got the schnitzel strips. They have an interesting recipe. First you pound out the chicken breasts incredibly thin. Then you slice it up and put it on the side and go ahead and just fry the crunchy outside. Serve and enjoy! Now back to work.

I learned something interesting about the weather in Israel. In the US, when the temperature goes down a degree, that is 1 degree. But in Israel, when the temp drops from "17" to "16" that means it dropped 36 degrees (or maybe 2.2. I'm not really a math guy and I rarely go outside). The evening concluded with some more Jack Reacher and a few hours of Reels. By 2:30AM I had exhausted the internet's store of videos so I decided to try and fall asleep. I awoke at 8:05 and checked my phone, only to find that there had been more videos uploaded while I slept so I dutifully started watching. I got up at 10 and added money to my Rav Kav. This would guarantee that I don't use public transportation!

I walked out into the mist, the midst of it. The drizzle was light and actually refreshing -- the only thing missing was some warm sunshine. Mist and light rain would work so well with sun but unfortunately, it was cloudy here.

Continuing down Ben Yehudah. It was mostly empty because of the inclementine weather (it is orange and sweet outside) and there was a lack of buskers. Because of this I was able to hear essence of Jerusalem, the natural sounds of antiquity and the beating heart of the Jewish people: EDM blasting out of the Cellular stores and construction vehicles backing up. It is like stepping back 2000 years!

Continuing down, I approached the old city and sunlight broke through. It was a sign to me -- a sign that I could take my hood off. So I followed God's edict and took off my hood!  I entered the old city through the Jaffa Gate and walked a route that I could walk with my eyes closed (though I don't recommend it -- you hit a lot of stuff) but I could not explain to anyone else. I finally made it to the entrance to find the entrance was closed and I had to walk back to the main entrance. I made sure to open my eyes for this part. I got to the wall and had a heart to heart with God.  There is much construction even at the wall plaza and the idea that they are doing construction there makes me wish for future construction there as well. I hope that in the beis hamikdash, when it is rebuilt, there will be a separate room for Ashkenazi sacrifices, otherwise I'm going to be so lost.

And they will have break-away showbread. There, I said it.

It is humbling to be in the presence of so much living history. If you go to historical sites, you usually end up looking at the past. At the kotel, you see the past, present and future at the same time. We visit not to remember, but to reconnect with a living and breathing wall. There are no ghosts but there are millions of souls. And also no wifi. So there's that.

A shacharit minyan was just wrapping up while I was tghere which means it is time for mincha. I sat for the 16 minute lull until the first opportunity to daven mincha approached. We started a minute before the earliest time so we hit the Amida right at 12:18. Bam. I overheard a tour guide give a totlly inaccurate explanation of Jewish prayer to some tourists. I felt at peace. As mincha time approached, the various sections started recruiting people and tried to attract people to any one of a bunch of different minyanim. I was reminded of restaurant owners who stand outside their restaurants trying to entice passers by during the off season. The guy in charge of the minyan in which I davened kept shouting that this was a "super minyan." I assume that's because I was there. How could it not be?

Eventually I walked back to the square by the Churva synagogue and thought about food. I saw 2 pizza places. The first had no seating and, as it was raining and cold, I had just climbed 8,000 steps, I opted out. The one next door had seating so I waited to order. And waited. It seems that there was only one guy working the counter and he was also making pizzas to order and waiting for them to cook. The guy in front of me had asked for 5 different and customized pies so nothing got done while the proprietor made each from scratch to spec. Eventually he heated up 2 slices for me. The crust was doughy and chewy and there was very little sauce. The cheese was middle of the road, nothing special. But it was heated up and I got to sit. I continued my walk back (I saw a former student in the old city but I don't remember her name...don't tell her; I am so embarrassed. Then right after she passed, I saw a woman and her child -- she said "is that Rabbi Rosen?" so I smiled and waved. They waved back. I haven't the slightest idea who they are).

I left the old city and started up Yaffo. Suddenly I see (suddenly I see) another pizza place (Pizza Mamila). By law, I had to stop in and try it out. It was a little dry and I think they used a premade crust but it was fast and hot and tasted ok. Nothing to write home about, so if you are in my home, please don't read this. I saw the Liskers as I crossed to the top of Betazlel and I waved hi to them and then I let myself roll down until I returned to N+D.

Now I will sit and try to grade some more papers (I got 1 done so far today...at this rate my students will be in graduate school before they get these papers back) and rub my ever growing belly.

travel day

 First off, an important announcement: I SLEPT LAST NIGHT.

Next, let's retrace my steps to explain how I got to that momentous event.

Monday morning, I did not feel fine. I had set an alarm but then, out of an abundance of caution, I made sure not to sleep at all beforehand, so I was up on time. And I felt gross because, no sleep make Dan something something. I filled the time with both tossing AND turning, and a Jack Reacher novel (The Secret). No spoilers but the secret is that Reacher doesn't die. Boom.

I prepared for my trip to Hod Hasharon which is Hebrew for "the Hod of the Sharon." You're welcome. On Sunday, the directions said to take a 930 bus from the bus station, Monday, the directions said to take the 950 bus. Inflation in Israel is mad crazy. I walked to the bus station and I didn't get lost because I walked uphill. I found me way to platform 17 on the third floor. I got on the bus, already proud of myself for not getting lost and being able to read the numbers 17, 3 and 950 in Hebrew. I sat down and quickly checked my phone. I had a missed call and a message both telling me that my 10AM appointment was canceled. I called back and said that I was already on the bus (true) and they said to come at 11. Then, a minute later, the bus began to go so I stayed on it. The message had said that I had not reconfirmed that I was coming. True, but I didn't know I had to so there's that.

The bus started moving and so did my stomach. Between the 1 cup of Earl Grey (hot) tea, the lack of sleep and the herky jerky motion of the bus, I was in a bad way. But, if you checked this motning's news, there was no story of "grumpy tourist caffeinates a 950 bus riders without permission" so I somehow kept it together, not resting, not relaxing. Just feeling hot and nauseous. I got to my stop and let Google Maps help me know where to walk. The route it gave was inexact, but so am I. I walked the 10 minutes to my appointment, had a grand old time there, and then found Brian. Brian and I drove to pick his daughter up (I would not be lying when I said that Brian entered the secure campus of the school by telling the guard he was going to visit the dairy called Edna -- please ask no questions for I have no answers). Then to drop Elise home in Tel Aviv, and off to his office.

I failed completely at helping his wife with a pdf, and then he and I went down to the lobby (you have to indicate your destination before you get on the elevator, and then it tells you which elevator to take. Once you get on, no changing your mind! There are no buttons in the elevator so if you miss something, gotta start over. We crossed from the lobby to the food court in the adjoing mall (which also served the connected Tel Aviv Medical Center). Apparently all the food is kosher except for McDonald's. Just like in the US! We went to Al Dente. He got salad and I got pizza. Very buttery and crispy. Good flavor. I got two slices to go and they stacked them in a bag. No boxes here.

Brian then gave me directions to the central train station. They seemed simple enough but just to be sure, I also loaded them into Google Maps and expected a seamless transition from feet to wheels. Not so much. The maps had me walking and suddenly being on a train in the middle of the street. I crossed, recrossed (both legally and not), walked up and back and simply could not magically be on a train. I asked a guy on the street (who was also not on a train) and he referred me back the way I came. So I walked back and found some stairs that headed down and there was a clip art of a train so I figured I was in business. Clearly, I'm not a business man. Inside the station, I couldn't find anything that mentioned a train to Modi'in (which was my destination -- I wasn't just capriciously looking for that) so I asked a guy in the control room. He told me that the train was up so I had to leave, go in a certain direction, then go there. I thanked him for the precision, left the station and walked a bit and across a street and found another set of stairs. I ended up on the other end of the exact same station. So much for directions. I asked the security woman and she said I had to walk to the bus terminal and I would see a sign for the trains. It was a blue sign. Now THAT resonated with me, so I walked back up and scanned the various horizons until I founf (no where near where either Brian or Google told me to go) a blue sign that said something cryptic like "Central Train Station." That train must have been the right one because I did not have to go down to get to it. My theory holds true. The right way is up. I arrived just in time to miss my train so I took the opportunity not to get on the train I missed but instead to wait for the next one. Never one to miss an opportunity am I.

The 121 train from Tel Aviv to Paatei Modi'in was about 8 stops of quiet. Very nice. I davened mincha on the train, and exited the station. Avrum picked me up and we drove from the station to a shul for ma'ariv and then to his house. He lives in a suburb of Modi'in (which to my mind, is like living in a suburb of a suburb, but what do I know?). We sat in his house and I schmoozed with him, Eliana and Orli. We played with a relatively new baby, talked about times, old and new (and pending). We ordered from Alesh (a meat restaurant). I got a burger and fries. The fries were too much, if you know Aramaic) but the hot and yummy. I had asked for them to hold the onion from my burger but I needn't have worried. All the toppings were packed separately so I could build-a-burger to my own specs. I added pickles and tomatoes and fries. There were kebabs, fried cauliflower,  rice and beans (or vice versa, I don't judge), and Seven-Up Zero (who knew?). I ate well, making only a couple of mistakes.

Phone calls were made, plans laid, and much rejoicing in the streets. Then a ride to another train station, goodbyes and see you laters exchanged and I went in for my rides back. The first thing to know is that there was no train to Jerusalem. Next, I had to figure that any train going in approximately the right direction would stop at the airport and I knew I could transfer there. So I found the next train to leave for Naharia and hopped on. Two stops later, airport, and then a switch. While waiting for the Jerusalem train, a soldier asked me to watch his stuff as he ran to the restroom. I was guarding the guardsmen and it felt cool. I sat on the train next to an Arab family coming back from vacation. They had 2 kids and the younger one (a girl) was having none of it. She must have been about 3 and unhappy about something. But a crying screaming child did not bother me. First, I wasn't intending to sleep anyway and second, it reminded me of my own children who used to cry and scream endlessly as recently as last week. (I kid because I can -- I love my grown, adult, mature children. When I find them, I'll let you know).

Jerusalem was windy. Exceptionally windy. But I finally knew how to get back to N+D's house without getting lost so I opted for that. In the house got myself ready for bed (10:15) read "King Matt" for a while and then, it seems, got a reasonable night's sleep as the wind howled, the rain poured and the rest of the responsible people did whatever life demanded of them. Breakfast has been a cup of NON caffeinated tea and a good stretch.

My plans for today? I think I might write some follow UP emails, and grade papers. Thanks for asking.

So in sum, I took a bus, 3 cars, and 3 trains and lived to tell the tale. As a public-transport-a-phobe this was quite the break through. Alert the media!

Sunday in the Park, then gorge

 Sunday morning I sure felt fine. Well, not so much. Saturday night's sleep began at 11ish and stalled out at 1:30. I fell back asleep a few hours later and then it was 10AM. I'm sure I was asleep but I have no memory of it. No proof. Pics or it didn't happen. But if you have pics, you are going to get arrested. Stop stalking me. Or don't. It's really OK.

I started walking up Bezalel and I noticed how curteous and conscientious the drivers are here. Here's an example -- I was walking past a pedestrian mall area and noticed a car on it. It was moving back and forth. Finally, it adjusted itself into a parking mode, properly behind the car in front of it which was also parked on a pedestrian mall area. 

My daily goal was to grade my papers. To that end, I was marginally successful.

Jerusalem, in terms of food options is an embarrassment of riches. I left the house expecting to get coffee, but I saw so many different places to eat that I didn't want to limit myself to coffee. But every time I saw a place I wanted to consider, I thought of any number of reasons not to. I wanted to wait and see what else was available, or maybe I didn't want to be fleishig, or I did, or I simply didn't know. I also didn't want to go some place I had been before and yet I didn't want to risk not liking the food at a new place. So I ended up at Big Apple Pizza just because. It is much easier to be lazy.

I stopped along the way to grade papers, but it was tough to focus because it was a lovely day and I hate grading papers. I saw a Seidman along the way and eventually wandered my way (I had been strolling through the shuk and all around the area) back to N+D and I availed myself of their resources (mostly a couch). Then Eyal and I both went for a walk. I, to capture and consume a dinner and he, to make sure I made it back OK. David recommended "Joseph's" and I am not one to argue with a recommendation.  We were both successful -- I got a Sloppy Joseph (that's what it is called on the menu), plus sweet potato chips, and a couple o' beers. Then back to the house for an evening of talking to family and reading.

Tomorrow, my aim is to take a public bus BY MYSELF! I'm a little nervous. Wish me luck and let's hope that my next post doesn't include words like "lost" and "Young Israel of Riyadh." More later.

Sat, you are. Day/Night

 Ah the Shabbos. A time to refresh, reflect and eat too much. Mission accomplished!

The Shabbat preparations carried us through the afternoon with people dropping by to bring stuff and others coming to avail themselves of rooms and beds. Two girls were staying (Aliza and Rina, one from Toronto and one from Dallas, both learning at a mich-something, somewhere. Huzzah). Dinner was populated by (and no, don't say this in one breath):

Swidlers (N, D, R, Y, A, N, E)

a passel of girls studying in various seminaries. By passel, I say "10, at least." Dinner was delish and the Swidlers turned into Les Mis in that there was no dialogue unless it was sung. While the eating, laughing and singing were happening, we heard noise outside and we all went quiet. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. Thirty-seven yeshiva boys came in. Perfectly reasonable. They filled the house with good cheer and oppressive wild-boy hormones. I moved to the couch. At some point two of the boys saw me sitting there avoiding everyone, so they came over to have pity on an old man. It seems that the Yeshiva on this block is a large draw from Flatbush and Magen David. A little Jewish geography was played. After more singing, the boys left and invited me to Gan Sacher. Now, maybe they were inviting the seminary girls but I prefer to think that they wanted to hang out with me. I have very shapely legs. 

Sleep thought itself muktzah so it stayed away from me. Up on Shabbos morning and to shul. Then after a really nice davening, we return for lunch. Lunch was populated by

Swidlers (N, D, E, Y, R, A, N)

Swidler parents (S+S)

Eisenbergs (Ch and Mo)

Nava's friend

Violet and her two daughters

Some guy named "Daniel" (besides me -- 2 Daniels at the table. Hilarity did not ensue)

It was Taco Shabbos (chicken, ground beef, pulled beef, rice, string beans, other veggies and a bunch of other stuff, then chocolate torte, popcorn and cookies for dessert)

Some more singing (but no descent of locusts). And then we sat and schmoozed for a while. Then back to shul for mincha and then more schmoozing.

As a change of pace, I would like to close this post with an actual dvar Torah that I came up with after hearing the Friday night vort at Kol Rinah. During that discussion, Dayan and Rabbi Rubanowitz mentioned an interesting fact -- God's name doesn't appear in much of the first chapters of the book of Exodus.

So I checked and I found that, indeed, the name of God appears sparingly. Then I noticed a detail having to do with WHICH name of God is eventually used.

The midwives, it is said, were fearful of "Elokim." They acted as they did, saving the Hebrew children because they feared Elokim. They were rewarded by Elokim. The name then disappears until a new king shows up (2:23 ish) and the people cry out to Elokim. The name Elokim is then repeated 4 more times.

What is the significance of the specific and repeated use of the name Elokim? Why didn't they cry out to Hashem (the 4 letter name)?

Elokim signifies the trait of justice of God while the 4 letter name points to mercy. When the midwives acted, they weren't afraid of the God who is merciful. They knew right from wrong and ignored the king's command because ultimate justice comes from the King, not the king. They made a decision to rely on a transcendent right and wrong and not the edict of the human person and they were rewarded for doing the right thing.

And do we think that the whole time the Jews were being oppressed they didn't pray for redemption, for saving, for something? I think they did pray, but they prayed to Hashem, asking for mercy. Was it mercy for them, or for their oppressors? I don't know, but it took until the new king arose before they finally focused their prayers on asking for justice. It was justice that heard them and justice that acted. While it is important to recognize that we must ask for mercy, at a certain point, we have to look at things and say "this just isn't right" and ask for the strict measure of Hashem's justice to set things aright. I believe that the people shied away from this and used it as a last resort because we are always afraid that if we ask Hashem for justice he will apply that same standard to us, but in this case, we were blameless so appealing for justice had no blow back on the people.

We must do what is right and stand for what is right. Then we can be assured that we will be on the right side of things when the verdict comes down because the God of Justice will reward us as he did the midwives. Right now the world is full of challenges and violence. We must make sure we stand on the side of justice and Hashem's laws so when we need Him, we can appeal to the middah of justice.

Just a thought.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Maybe seeing some friends, maybe taking a walk, maybe getting some mac and cheese. Who knows? The future is wide open.

Ps. I ran into 2 former students this afternoon (Akiva Goldsmith and Bella Shatzkes) and they were fun to chat with and I wish them much success. 

Time Zoning Out

Hello all. If you are wondering, no I did not sleep well. My body, even when it has been conditioned to believe that 3 in the afternoon is really 10 at night has decided that one does not need to go to sleep at 10 at night anymore. Wouldn't 3 in the morning be better? No, it will not, I respond and I consider the implications for 4 hours until I doze off enough to realize that it is 10AM somewhere and I should probably stop trying.

The less said about that, the better, so I say, in terms of sleep, "less." And since less is more, maybe I can get more sleep. I now recap Thursday.

I awoke and took some time to become human and then I went for a walk. My goals generally involved food. When I am here there are a couple of sine qua nons: Moshiko's (done), pomegranate juice, PowerWorks coffee. I found the pomegranate kiosk first (yay Etrog Man). Food goals are measured in storefront form. I ordered the super mega triple gonzo big chug which has 142 ounces of seedless in Seattle. The guy squozed the necessary crate of 'granates (I'm on a last name basis) and I waited impatiently. Eventually I dove in (it was that big). While he was squashing fruit, he tried to sell me on a cream that you put on your finger and rub under your nose and it smells like mint, lemon and ginger. This is designed to help cure sinus cloggage, migraines and scrofula. I'm not sure what scrofula is but I don't have it, so the product works! I chose not to buy it, but for the balance of the day, whenever I breathed in, I didn't have scrofula, but I smelled my own finger, and that doesn't help anyone.

People don't realize how crazy sweet good 'granate juice. In America, it isn't toot suite. I sat and savored the sweet and the sun. And the doggos. On to more walking down Ben Yehuda and back up Yaffo. I found the new location for Power Coffee works but I was too stuffed with juice to get anything. I shall save the other for another day.

Side note -- when I say that everything is uphill, clearly I am not being serious and literal. The only places that are uphill are the places to which you want to go. That's how you know you are lost. If you go downhill, you aren't going uphill so you clearly don't want to go there and ergot (sick) you are lost.

I sashayed through the shuk and saw a place called Bomba Pizza. Now, I wasn't on a pizza quest but I still felt that I needed to keep my hand in the game so I tried a slice. VERY thin crust and a sweet sauce. The flavor was good so I added garlic. I like that I can stop most anyplace for a slice, and sit on the street eating it, and then I can walk to another pizza place. That is freedom. And gluttony. I remember that my ancestors fought for my right to pizza. Twelve NIS for a slice. In real money, that's 62.71 Rand.

As I was eating, a woman walked by and said "bete'avon lecha" for no reason. I thought she would eventually ask for money, but she didn't. She was just being spontaneously nice! To me! Pizza and good will? This place rocks. 

Who knew I would be so full after a slice and a gallon plus of juice?

I noticed that many (at least 3) store names were not transliterations of English (which is annoying because I spend hours trying to understand the Hebrew, only to find that were simply taking an English word and transliterating) but had the English name with Hebrew vowel points underneath. They love English. Why not just use English then? Instead they constantly pander to "Hebrew speakers."

I got back to N+D and tried to restore non-feeling to my shins. Then, I went to pick Eyal up at the Gymnasium. In Hebrew, the G is pronounced as a G not a J. For a J, you need to have any other letter with an apostrophe. So you use a Jaled, or a Jamed or Juf. Hebrew is mystical like that. I took a benadryl to help me sleep. It failed, but I now have one fewer thing to carry. It is currently tomorrow mid-day and I have spent my morning doing a whole lot of nothing, which is as it should be. Shabbat is coming and we're so happy. I have a Nava next to me with her (she is eating apples and peanut butter, flavored with onions). Avital is making chocolate infused dough. Yoni has eaten pizza. Eyal is on his way back from another school's open house. The cookies are on the track (will anyone get that reference?) Tonight, there will be 18 people and tomorrow, 19. Natural expansion, you see.

I assume I will get back to this after Shabbat (either Sat. night or Sunday morning here). So to all of youse, I wish you whatever it is you would appreciate if I wished you.

In which I don't know what day it is

 I will now try to catch you up on the entire of yesterday leading up to today, but I shall do so without knowng exactly what day it was and/or is. The jet lag adjustment has been only middling so far so my mind is mostly in between reality zones (they are like time zones, but not for time, hence the name).

So welcome to Tues  Wednesday.  I slept fairly well and comprehensively thanks to such things as a bed and a blanket and a sleeping pill. I woke up refreshed and ready for a nap. Eventually, I realized I would need to get going so I came upstairs in time to take a nap. I saw avital as she left for school and then Eyal and I played my daily, online brain games to ensure that the zombies will get a good meal out of me. The boy also played Pips wich is like dominoes with math. I see no reason to participate in such a travesty. Math. Amirite? Eyal then made himself a breakfast of an omelet and jachnun. I aspire to have my face on the side of a jachnun box one day.

We walked to the light rail and light rode to Har Herzl (my first executive decision will be to add some sort of letter to the second syllable of his name, and maybe even introduce the Z to a T...Har Hertzel. Yeah. That works. So it shall be done! We got on the light rail and then, a few stops later, we had to get out of one car and go into a different car. I'm not sure why but I trust Eyal. He also told me I have to pay again even though we got right back on to the same train. I did because I trust Eyal. He then laughed because Simon didn't say, so I had to go sit on the side until next game. I met a former student (named Douek. When I knew him he had less beard, or possibly fewer). Then off the train and up the hill to the Yom Patuach (open house) for Yeshivat Netiv Meir, which Eyal is looking at. When I walked in with him, the security guard asked me my business there, so I said I was with the boy. Then he asked me (in Hebrew) if I was carrying a weapon. I laughed and surrendered to him because I'm not a gun carrying guy.

I walked up to the fourth floor and spoke with some people there, then I walked down to the first floor and left. I decidd to walk back -- how bad could it be as it was just 8 stops on the light rail. All I needed to do was follow the light rail back and I would save all that money on the train fare. Stickin' it to the man. That's how I walk. The flaw in the plan was that it relied on my good judgment. I should have known that it was a bad idea, simply because it was mine. I walked. It seemed a reasonable task and I even stumbled upon another place at which I wanted to speak to some poeple, so that was convenient if not tiring. (ask me about this place in person -- the front entrance was actually around the back) Then things went downhill, but only briefly because then things went back uphill. Israel is the old country. How can I tell? I recall all the stories from the old country. In those stories my elders always said that the walk somewhere was "uphill both ways." That's clearly Jerusalem. It was uphill in all directions. You went uphill only to discover that in some escherian way, you were at the bottom of another hill. And also completely lost because while bemoaning the hills you forgot to follow the tracks.

[I recall the events of one of my favorite books, "The Man Who Stole the Atlantic Ocean" in which the main character gets lost while already being lost.]

I found my way through Romema and Zichron Moshe where all sorts of people knew where they were. I onged for that sense of place and comfort so I sat on a bench and pretended to know where I was. I did this many times on my trip and I think it worked because no one came up to me and asked "are you lost?" By sheer luck and the fact the Israel is not a large country, I eventually found a street I recognized (though I had never seen it from the back) and I finished my one hour walk in a record time of two hours. [In an effort to save money, I am leaving my phone on wifi only. I figured that I could find someplace with free wifi so as to save the 12 bucks a day. My stubborness served me poorly yet again as I could not find said wifi and could not call a cab, pull up a map or play any games. Torture.]

Time for a quick turnaround during which I decked myself out in a suit, ran my fingers through my lack of hair and headed out to the number 7 bus towards First Station. Sometimes it seems that Jerusalem is a city of buses as there are so many. This was not one of those times. There weren't any buses for a while so my carefully crafted schedule was tossed into a carefully crafted trash can. Fifteen minutes later, the 7 appeared as if by driving. Along the way, I connected to the bus wifi so I was able to become nauseated more efficiently. Science! The bus worked its way through the traffic (half the streets closed, half the streets pregnant, MASH reference). We made it to First Station and I debussyed with no idea where to go to find the taxi. This was compounded by the fact that the bus drove away with my wifi. Because I needed to be in contact with the others waiting for me in the cab, I turned my phone on. But everytime a bus drove by, my phone attempted to connect to it so the roaming 4G service I was hoping for never stood a chance. It took a series of missed calls and panicked wanderings before a gentleman named Benji found me and took me through a completely unintuitive path to a parking lot that I would never have found on my own. I have always depended on the pity and competence of strangers. Into the cab and onward.

We drove through a series of side streets (in Israel, you get everywhere via detours and side streets which is why invading armies have trouble) until we arrived at Neve Ilan (Kedma). Into the wedding we went (how exciting!!!) I found me some Lauderdales, an Aunt Marci and other refugees from the US who chose to invasively colonize Palestine, appropriate its culture and force evil western values upon the peacful and indigenous cats. True fact, the plethora of cats are NOT indigenous to the area. They were brought in to get rid of the dogs. In Israel, cause and effect go from right to left. I was introduced to other people in all sorts of professions. I quickly excused myself as meeting people makes me social and I can't have that. I ate some food. There were bao buns, and Thailandian bowls of things. I also had an orange soup.

The wedding was conducted much like the in-flight safety video on El Al except instead of being in Hebrew and English, it was in English and Portuguese.  The bride's side is from Brazil, and not the one in Indiana (h/t Rafi for the research). I feel like the next time I go on an international flight, I might smash a plastic cup and shout Mazal Tov after the last announcement. I look forward to flying Air Brazil because now I will know if anyone is getting married on board.

We settled in for the chupah -- I asked Steve if I could sit on his lap but he said "take a number." The others who had asked were better looking than I so I slinked, slanked slunk away and sat on a couch next to a cat.

The order of operations at the wedding was basically what I recognized but with a twist. Dani and his parents walked first and then Dani made a Shehechyanu on the talit that he put on. Parts of the ketubah were read and translated but not the whole thing because I was told there would be no math. As soon as Dani put the ring on Bruna and said the magic words, everyone (who was so inclined to express human emotion, so not me) erupted in joy and song. I was sitting next to a cat. What more joy could there be? After the reading of the ketubah, Dani gave it to Bruna and said "harei ze ketubatech" and there was much rejoicing.

The 7 blessings were made by a variety of dignitaries, uncles and dignified uncles. Each blessing was explained in English and Brazilian (I don't know how to spell Portuguese) and then the band played on.  Then we moved into the grand room for the meal and dancing and laser light show. I ate some bread, had some falafel and skipped the appetizer (there were two options, one had pistachios and the other, kalamata olives. I am possibly allergic to the former and the latter is a crime against humanity and possibly some other species). For the main course, I chose the Asado which is Israeli for "cow." It was served on a puree but, strangely, the menu did not say "of what." I ate it. It was definitely a puree. There was also a small tomato which looked like a planet. I don't eat planets. Gotta have rules in life, friend.

At the crack of 11:15 three of us got into a taxi for the ride back. We needed to be back before I turned into a goon. The cab guy did not drop us off at First Station but instead, took each of us to our ultimate location. I got back to N+D and prepared to go to bed. First, there were a couple of phone calls to make (and answer) then, conked out.

This morning (rumor has it that today is now Thursday) I woke up at around 8 and got up to daven. Towards the end of davening I began to feel faint and sick, so I immediately got back in bed. That cured me. Two more hours of sleep is what the doctor ordered (so now I have to pay a co-pay) and now, it is already afternoon and I have yet to wake up fully. I shall persevere. Today's plan involves maybe a cup of pomegranate juice, and maybe a walk. Or both. More events as updates warrant.