Back in the US

I left for the airport early -- that's what I do. If I had my druthers (or anyone's really) I would be at the airport for my return flight before I arrived. I figure it would be easier to get a cab at midnight than at 3AM so I decided that I could sit and do nothing more easily at the airport than in an empty apartment. My Gett arrived so we started off. On the way, we noticed three cars a little ahead driving slowly and showing off their flashy yellow lights. The wanted everyone to see the lights up close because they stopped and blocked traffic. We sat and I watched the meter. This lasted until someone in a position of authority decided that they had had enough inconveniencing strangers and making us watch the meter so they got up and drove off. I got to the departure area and it was EMPTY. No one working the check in counters, very few customers. I sat on the floor and played solitaire on my phone. Something must have happened because when I next looked up, counters were open, lines were huge and the place had come to life. I walked up to the ladies at the first security stop and asked whether, even though I was early, I could go and check in so I could go to the lounge. I was told that the rule, hard and fast, was 3 hours before the flight if I had a bag to check in. Had I just the carry on things would be different. Must rethink my packing strategy. So I went back and sat. I tried to kill time and wandered over to the self-check in kiosk machine. I had already checked in so I wasn't doing anything other than looking but the lady snapped at me "Don't push anything! We don;t push anything!" Here I am, hands behind my back, 4 feet from the machine and she yells at me. For no reason! This is indicative of a larger problem. She works here so she sees things, process and exception on a daily and hourly basis. But the people who go through here to their flights do so infrequently (at least by comparison). This lady should take a step back and try to empathize just a little instead of assuming that everyone thinks as she does. I notice the same thing on later security lines. Sure, that guy knows how to put things in the plastic bin because he tells people thousands of times every day. But I don;t know and he is talking to me. So he should maybe understand that I'm no expert and if he can't take a breath and be human then he needs another line of work. So there.

I noticed only a few minutes later that she was letting people checking in to my flight through. Jerk move on her part. I was standing right there and she let others in when she barked me back. Not cool. I waited a few minutes and wandered back, asking nicely what time she thought I should think about getting on line. She told me I could go through any time. She acted as if she was surprised that I waited this long to ask! Anyhoo, up to the security screener whom I satisfied by virtue of the truth and a sad-dad routine. Then to wait for the representatives to woman the British Airways check in counters. A few minutes later, the screens went on so the huddled masses split into lines and waited. A bunch of representatives came in and sat at the counters and started checking bags. Except not at the line I was on. No one showed up so we all just stood there. I was 3rd in line and wasn't happy. After about 10 minutes, a woman showed up and went through a lengthy and exhaustive warm-up routine. Another five minutes and she started processing things. Well, I figured, that should be the biggest obstacle, right? Wrong. Next was security (remove your belt, put your legs in a bin etc). I lost my scarf and had to go back to get it.. Then at passport control, my passport refused to be controlled. The biometrics couldn't agree that I was who I said I was so I had to wait on another line to have a real live human look me in the eye and say "yeah, those are your eyes I'm looking in to."

My gate was E6, all the way at the end of E concourse. I thought about finding a lounge but wasn't sure where it was. Lo and or behold, I see a lounge halfway down E! I walk in -- no they say, YOUR lounge is either in C or in B. Well, long story short, it wasn't in C. And when I got to B, I almost lost my passport and boarding passes, my glasses and my mind. Mostly I got a whole lotta steps in. My lounge was a large room with a lot of chairs and a self-serve food area. I saw no rabbinic kosher supervision so after all that, I had orange juice and water. Such luxury. I was already nauseated and hadn't even flown yet. I'm not sure what I expected from the lounge (massages, sleeping quarters?) but it seemed rather bland. I did some reading online and found that all the lounges (and the affiliated restaurant, currently closed) in Ben Gurion are kosher so I felt emboldened and had a bowl of cereal and milk. Had I only a carry-on, I would come really early and have like 10 bowls of cereal! (by the way, the website said that all the food in Ben Gurion is kosher, but I know that that's not true so maybe I committed some horrible crime by eating there, but whatevs)

BA162 to Heathrow, an Airbus 350. Aisle seat, but still cramped. Four and three quarter hour flight but I must have slept for 4 hours of it. Just not in sizable chunks. I put music on and tried to lean back but the 350 offers precious little stretching room for the commoners. We landed in London and deplaned in relatively short order. To get to a connecting flight, you need to go down a walkway to 2 escalators down to a train to an elevator to another security screening to an escalator up to a long walk to an escalator down (I think that's all of it). This seems like overlkill, especially when the time before the next flight's departure is 70 minutes. I and some others ran through and made out next flight and there was plenty of overhead baggage space (a 777). I watched Angel has Fallen (not as bad as I expected) and ate my meat dinner. Then we fill out customs forms which, I find out later, are unnecessary as you can put in the same information into a computer in Newark. In the future, though, I need to pay for better seats. Everything hurts and this just isn't working for me. More sleep.

Next move, Luc Besson's "Anna" -- interesting. They offered a Magnum ice cream bar as a snack but I had eaten meat a few hours earlier so I said no thanks. A few hours later the Tea service included a scone and cream but I figure that by then, enough time had passed. I skipped the "fish sandwich" (lox? yuch) and giggled that the snack with a fish sandwich and dairy cream was labeled as glatt kosher. Then landing and home. Now I'm fighting the need to pass out. I might stop fighting soon.

On the whole this was a fantastic vacation. Sure, I barely slept and got rained on incessantly, but the bonding time with my Maddie was gold, and what more is there than that? Right, Moshikos.