Beach, please

The title is a reference to a store in the Dizengoff mall. For real.

Another horrible night's non-sleep -- among other things I was concerned that I would miss the wake up time necessary to check in to my flight precisely 24 hours in advance to ensure that i got a seat INSIDE the airplane this time. But I made it and have my check in all complete.

The day and various internet based weather apps promised sun and nice temps so Maddie and I walked towards the beach. I picked up some parve cookies along the way and we figured we would stop in a pizza place along the street to prepare ourselves for a long walk. Except we couldn't find a kosher pizza place. We turned down Ben Yehudah, nothing. Frishman? Gordon? Nothing. So we just decided to start walking, heading north. Approx 55 degrees and sunny? Bring it on. A few more blocks and we found Hadarim (next to suchsuch or somesuch) which served us impersonal pizzas. More walking, as we watched idiot surfers, manic dogs, crying children and vice versa. The weather was OK, but the water was churning and brown. Yuck.

While on the lookout for more substantial fare, we stopped at a variety of clothing stores so Maddie could hunt the elusive perfect outfit. We watched people, and we chatted, especially about the brown water. It was nice. The clouds were flitting about and we were caught in a number of light rain showers but we refused to change our route because the apps all promised no rain and lovely, blue skies. We made it to the port area and its fancier stores and even browner water. Must be a status thing. We also noticed that the clouds had massed more ominously and were ready to put up a fight against the forces of good ness and weather forecasting. We persevered, our faith in weather apps unbowed. And then, we and every weather app was proven wrong. The skies opened up and people were stuck where ever they happened to be. We decided right then and there to get a cab (as the clouds did not appear to be planning to leave) and go to the Azrieli Mall.

As grey merged with brown, we ran to the Gett and gott ourselves to Azrieli, by way of highway and traffic jam. The apps still indicated that the day was currently sunny and warm but we began to question their authority. The Azrieli Mall is a many storey mall with a lot of clothing stores and kosher restaurants. There are also non-kosher ones but who cares. You can find them anywhere. This mall seems a cut above Dizengoff, lacking hardware stores, tattoo parlors and places catering, by name, to particular fetishes. The home-goods store has mostly scented candles and throw pillows in various colors and combinations. We stopped at TwentyFourSeven, Urbanica (they should all have dad/husband lounges). Maddie bought a skirt. Then Bershka. I found a chair in which to sit. It was one of those ones you pay a buck or two and get a 6 minute massage. I might have done that and I might have been disappointed when Maddie was done shopping there. I fell asleep and she woke me up. Not cool. The video is available if you ask her. But that would also be not cool.

We saw a couple walking with a small dog on a leash. To Maddie, the dog looked like a fox and when she asked, the owner confirmed that supposition. I think it was a dog that looked like a fox, like some sort of celebrity impersonator who does kids' birthday parties or corporate events. Next stop, TopShop. Nothing bought.

On to Stradivarius, to look at a bunch of dresses, then Zara. I sat outside next to the cocoa kiosk. The allergy thing is really annoying. This country seems to run on a nut-based economy so I come here and can't have much in the way of desserts. Sure I had my French bland-cookies but I wanted something of substance. Why must it all be tainted by hazelnuts, pecans, walnuts and who the hell knows what else? I miss chocolate. It is a big issue -- when deciding whether to visit, I have to decide between my ancestral homeland and its spiritual importance and chocolate. Not cool.

For lunch, we went to the multi-level food court. I found the local rip off of KFC, called Broaster Chicken. I got a mix of breaded and fried bird -- 2 wing pieces, 2 strips of boneless, and 2 pieces of dark meat. Each had a slightly different type of coating. The wing pieces were very black-peppery; the others were much blander but with incredible crunch. On the side I opted for mashed-potato balls. Ignoring the crude anatomical questions, I will just say that they were bland as the day is long but crispy on the outside and creamy on the inside. People denigrate fast food but that's because they can have it whenever they want it. I get it once in a decade so I'm allowed to savor and appreciate it. Maddie got fish and chips (salmon and potato wedges) from a similarly named store. Then we went to Mr. Pretzel. I didn't catch a first name and didn't pursue it because pretzels are apparently a more formal snack. Maddie got a bucket of pretzel nuggets on which she had them add garlic and parmesan cheese. I watched her eat them with a fork. Delightful -- the force is strong with this one. Halfway through, she went back and had them add more flavoring.

The selection of stores and the variety at the food court outpaces even the Malcha mall in Jerusalem. Both a Burger King and a McDonalds but I don't know if both are kosher. Still, nice to have a choice. There are other restaurants and fancy food stores scattered throughout (including a kosher Abulafias in which they make something called knafeh which involved pastry, hot water and pistachois). We had an incredible view of the highway and its current traffic jam which made me homesick for all the traffic jams I've loved before. We stopped off at a guitar kiosk, the Pull and Bear store, past a kosher Japanese restaurant, a candy store, a cell phone store and aplace where I could buy another Celray soda. Gotta love vacation.

The sky had cleared but the temperature had dropped appreciably. I was without my heavy coat as it was still dropping wet from my walk back the previous evening. Maddie also wore nothing heavy, relying on the duplicitous or just plain misinformed internet, so we cabbed back to the apartment and I started to pack. I am taking home much of Maddie's holdings so my bag which should be relative empty is incredibly full. We discussed dinner while we cleaned up and opted for a simple delivery of a burger and a beer. The restaurant we chose to do the Lord's work (Memphis) contacted us to say that they were out of beer. That's dumb. So we canceled and went to Meatos Street Food which is the cheaper version of Meatos expensive restaurant food. I had a burger and beer. Maddie got some soup to go.

Back to Bograshov and then she went with all sorts of stuff back to campus. I have to call a cab soon and get to the airport. More updates as time and tide allow.