The following is an idea, a joke, a goof, a silly that I thought of last evening. I preface my writing with this so any and all will know that the context is that of humor. I suspect that simply writing this, putting fingers to keys and immortalizing this in words will get me in some measure of trouble (a file somewhere, a knock on the door, maybe a poison pen letter, sans paper). But I decided I'm typing it all out so that, if nothing else, I can recycle the paper I scrawled it on to. So for the sake of the environment...
--------------Joke Scenario Follows-------------Do Not Take Seriously-----------------
I have been considering making aliyah, but the process is so difficult that I have become discouraged that it will ever happen.
So my new plan is as follows: Kill an Israeli citizen who happens to be visiting this area. The Israeli government will move to extradite me and I won't fight it. Voila! Instant Aliyah!
Next version -- when I kill the Israeli, I'm so expert and precise that the Israeli government cannot prove my guilt, but heck, I'm already in Israel so I live it up. I live like a king, exploiting any way I can cash in on my notoriety. Eventually, all the money will dry up and I won't be able to continue living in Israel. All I need to do at that point, bankrupt and broken, is confess my murder so that I get imprisoned. Free room and board and I stay in Israel. Fantastic!
I recognize that some people might think it wrong of me to kill a random Israeli, or even a not-so-random one so I am working on a slightly different version of the plan. In this scenario, I only PRETEND to kill someone so that when I get to Israel and the supposed victim resurfaces as alive, I can stay in israel without any bloodshed.
Even better would be that the person I supposedly kill is an Israeli spy who needs a way out of the country. I work with Israeli officials to fake a killing. The "body" gets returned to Israel (thus effecting the spy's escape) and I get "extradited" so I end up in Israel.
Maybe it could turn into a wacky comedy! Each week, the Mossad sets of a clue for people to find which would point to my guilt. They are supposed to set something up that I can easily refute when I get to Israel, but they do such a good job that each week, I end up in MORE trouble, rather than less. Hilarious!
I have thought through all of these potential paths towards aliyah and can find no down side to any of them. Huzzah!
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