And more post ne'ilah thoughts

This is becoming a habit and I'll tell you why -- each year during Mincha, I imagine what I would say were I tasked with providing the inspiration pre-ne'ilah speech in synagogue so I force myself to come up with something and then I realize that no one spoke and I'm way behind...

Anyway, this year's "speech"

Ne'ilah is the scariest prayer.

I'll explain. The gates are closing and all that and the conventional wisdom is that these are gates of prayer and our prayers can't get through because, you know, gates. Meh.

I think of it differently. The holiday of Yom Kippur is an oasis in time, It is a refuge. It is a protected moment when we can explore spirit and commandment, take time to look inward and really focus on our prayers. In the prayers, we often read that Hashem gave the day to us. The Hebrew rod for "give" is the same root as the word for "present." No, not "stress on the second syllable 'to deliver' meaning" but the stress on the first syllable meaning a gift. The holiday is a gift because it allows us to step outside of the everyday and use our energy for something really special. The gates are closing and the holiday will end. And we are on the outside of the gates, left to our own devices, having to carry the mantle of spirituality into a world when it isn't Yom Kippur.

Man, that's scary.

God knows we need help. He gives us 3 prayer services a day during which we can carve some time and repent, ask, understand and praise. But that's not enough so on the sabbath and holidays, he gives us a fourth prayer (and these are the days on which we use that word "natan" -- gave, or some version of it to thank God for this bit of help, an opportunity to push off the world and reconnect with the divine.

But 4 isn't enough. We need more.

So once a year, God says, "OK kiddo, you tried to make due with 3 and struggled; you had some 4 but that isn't enough for you to rise the way I know you can so here's a softball -- one day a year, I give you 5, count 'em, FIVE prayers so you can really realize your spiritual potential." It's like he said "I'll give your training wheels training wheels and your crutches, crutches." The day is so joyous because with five prayers I can really make progress. Less time in between means less time for me to backslide. I feel an ecstasy at the close of day because I truly got INTO the experience. It was pervasive.

But the gates are closing. Welcome back to the world of 3 prayers a day. Try to keep this going with only 3 chances per day! Can I do it? I honestly don't know. I'm scared. I want more Yom Kippur (though, after a quick bite to eat, please). I want all impediments taken away FOR me -- I'm afraid I can't do it on my own.

But the gates are closing. I am being pushed out of the nest and told to fly on my own. And I'm scared. So I want to pour everything I have into that last prayer service, reach as high as I can, and as deep into myself as I can, so I can face tomorrow, and tomorrow and tomorrow (sorry Bill) and stay on this level for as long as I can.

Please, God, let me stay inside the gates. Let me learn to carve that moment in time, that refuge of peace of spirituality everyday in my 3 opportunities and not lose myself in the spaces in between. I ask forgiveness for the times when I wandered away from path once the gates were closed, and I'll try to stay at the edge of that sacred space, basking even in the referred glow, so that when next Yom Kippur arrives, I will already be there, ready to jump in and reach even higher.

Some loose thoughts about this time of year

When Yom Kippur is just beginning, we will all say the Kol Nidrei prayer. This prayer is designed to absolve us from the consequences of unfulfilled oaths. I'm not going to get into the question of whether the prayer is on past vows, or on future vows, but on another point -- it doesn't absolve all vows. So, yeah, we chant it 3 times. It seems to be a really spiritual and affective moment. But it is incomplete. Then we have Yom Kippur. Full of awe and prayer and demanding of us that we deny ourselves food and other pleasures, we like to think that we emerge forgiven but in truth, it just isn't so! While we might be gain forgiveness for certain sins, there are others that are not covered by the prayers of Yom Kippur! (both these points are mentioned here and I'm sure you can find all sorts of other web pages which mention them including this one)

In temple times, we had sacrifices -- in fact, we had ones designed to bring about forgiveness. But the truth is, these sacrifices only dealt with a specific slice of sins and certainly not intentionally committed ones. What we have are a whole lot of incomplete systems. I'm going to couple this with another strange thing I noticed recently about Jewish ritual. These ideas might not really go together but to me they complement each other nicely.

There seems to be a fascination in Judaism with guests. Not only is there a biblical commandment to welcome guests, and not only do certain holidays include the giving of things to others and sharing meals, but there are a number of instances in which we actually invite conceptual/spiritual guests in to our practices as part of our obligation.

Every week, we say a prayer welcoming the Sabbath Queen -- the Sabbath, itself, is likened to a Queen or a Bride and we usher her in and we long for her to stay. Eventually, we escort her out. Elijah has a cup of wine set for him at the Passover seder as we invite him to visit. On Sukkot, the Feast of Tabernacles, we invite a series of guests, one each night, to join us in the Sukkah. Elijah gets another nod at each brit milah/circumcision. So we are constantly bringing in others -- human and supernatural alike, to share in what we are and what we have. It seems that, like our other atonement rituals, what we have on our own is incomplete.

The holidays are not about completing a ritual and moving on. We cannot be complete unless we complement our thoughts with actions. Our atonement must reflect a change, not a prayer, a repentance, not an ritual. Our celebrations have to acknowledge that we are part of a community which transcends time and space. If we want to have a complete result, we have to move beyond simply doing the letter of the law and expecting it to do the job.

Abraham didn't Screen his calls

On the second day of Rosh Hashana we read the Torah reading that mentions the binding of Isaac. It begins with a very strange statement (Gen 22:1) – And if happened after these things that God tested Avraham and said to him, “Avraham” and he replied, “Here I am.”

Then God goes ahead and tells Abe to drag the boy up the hill, tie him down and just go to town. In most counts, this command is the tenth of a series of tests – check out the lists in the ArtScroll Chumash (pages 100 and 101) if you want to check. But I disagree. I’m not saying that it wasn’t a test to be told to kill your boy, but I think the essence of the test is in the first verse.

God has spoken to Avraham before. He appeared in a vision, he visited after the circumcision, and he just shows up and gives commands or reassurances. One moment God isn’t there and then God is. Abe sits around and then, poof, God tells him the whatfor. But not here. Remember, Avraham has fought kings, moved his entire family, had his wife kidnapped, had to bargain for people and then save Lot, deal with famine and trust that he wouldn’t die childless. He was old. He was tired, and no doubt, he was still smarting from having to cut off his own foreskin.

Then the phone rang.

God didn’t just appear and give an order. God didn’t materialize in a vision or a dream, or even poof, show up as a disembodied voice and tell Avraham what to do. He called ahead. What was the test? At this point, Abraham figured that he was done and he just wanted maybe a nice nap. But he knows that if he picks up that phone, if he acknowledges that God is calling him, there is going to be a demand. He finally has a son and he wants some rest. The easy thing to do would be the ignore the phone, try to avoid any more conflict. This is the test. When you have a chance to think before you engage, do you still engage? Is it ever “enough”? God wants to see if Avraham has drawn a line and just wants to be left alone. But Abe steps up and picks up the phone on the first ring. He says “I am here – whatever you want” even when he knows that something difficult will no doubt be demanded. The superhero doesn’t get a day off. Being asked to sacrifice his son is almost anti-climactic after that. Of course he will comply! He picked up the phone knowing that God will want the impossible. By the time he says “here I am” he is already passing the test.

Compare this to a little bit ahead, in verse 7. Avraham is trekking with the boy, alone. There is an uneasy silence and then Isaac decides to ask the obvious question. He works up the courage “Then Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, ‘father’ –”

That’s all he says initially. “Father.” And Abraham, knowing what is coming, knowing the uncomfortable conversation about to happen chooses not to ignore his son. He doesn’t hum louder or pretend to be busy with something else. He picks up quickly and, again says “here I am.” Another test. Can he face his son when it all gets really real? Yes. The superhero mans up and engages. He doesn’t hide.

During this season, and in our lives, can we have the strength of Abraham and answer that phone on the first ring even though we know we will be asked something difficult? Can we answer the voices around us with equanimity and grace even when we know that conversation will be a tough one?

May we all find the strength to accept the charges.

Another Opening Another Show

A whole bunch of years ago, a wise man and I were discussing work. He was leaving his job, as was I (well, I was leaving mine, not his) and I explained that I had worked very hard at doing so much as to be irreplaceable. He said,

"The graveyard is full of irreplaceable people."

That stuck with me. We think of ourselves as performing a necessary function. Of being such an integral cog in a lurching machine that without us, nothing would move forward. But it would. Maybe with some initial fits and starts but life would go on. I am about to begin a new school year. For a teacher, that's a significant thing. If I were a lawyer or art gallery owner, the new school year would be somewhat less important. But I'm a teacher, so, yeah. That. This is going to be something in the range of my 25th year (I'm not good with numbers and it is tough to know what to count -- student teaching? The year I was only an administrator and had no classes of my own?) Regardless, it will be a major milestone, another new beginning - a chance to reinvent myself, rediscover what it is I do, and treat a new batch of students as if they are my first charges. I can't be the jaded pro who knows it all and just wants to slog through the year. The students have to get the impression that this is not my 25th year, but the 25th first year of my teaching.

I still get nervous. I still have trouble sleeping. I'm still scared of messing up, of being called out as not knowing things. I still wonder what it is exactly that I do. I'll still go in to that classroom and be that everything-guy, that actor, that mentor, that parent, that friend, that taskmaster, that resource, that jerk, that ear and whatever else any student needs me to be at any moment, whether s/he knows it or not. This is my task -- no matter how I feel, or whatever is going on in my life, I have to be there for the class. They deserve no less. Sure, there is new technology, but this dinosaur still has to drive the car and mix the metaphor for this nonsense to all make sense.

Over the last twelvemonth, since my last Opening Day, a lot has changed. I'm not the same person and in some ways, I'm sad about that. I suffered a loss and I have done so much that I want to share with my dad. But I have also learned incredible things that I can still share with my students, my family and friends. I have worked on independent projects, I have heard new songs. I have crafted new ideas and worded them in ways which capture more than I thought I could express. I have not gone gentle: I'm a teacher and I'm not allowed to.

So I'm off (way off) to work, to school, to have some fun and maybe, just maybe, motivate others so be better than they are right now. Ask me in June how it worked out.

See you on the other side.

"Rise" and shine

Later this week, one of my kids will be moving to Israel. I know, I know, she has been there for a while now, going to seminary, serving in the army, living in an apartment and (judging by the credit card statements) taking taxis every time she needs to go to the bathroom. But this week she makes it official and is making "aliyah" -- becoming a citizen of Israel. She will be going to college there and making her life there. I'm not as sad as you might think for a few reasons:

1. With technology, I can speak to and see her for free as often as time zones and her social schedule allow, much the same as it would be were she to be attending a college here in the states.

2. I have gotten used to the idea over the last 3 years as she has been there and carried a grenade launcher.

3. My credit card is solid enough that I can go visit or I can pay for her to come here whenever the mood strikes as long as the mood limits itself to once or twice a year.

4. She has a lot of family there now and knows how to get around so I am not as worried about her being "alone" the same way I was years ago. Sure, I'm sad because I can't simply swoop in and save her, but she's (effectively) an adult who can take care of herself. And knows how to use a big gun.

But this is a perfect situation for me to write another list of dad-based advice, some of which I might have posted before, but I don't read what I post, so I'm not sure. Apologies if some of this is a repeat but, hey, odds are, you aren't the intended audience. There are over 7 billion people in the world and only one is my elder daughter so for almost all of you, this isn't even written for your eyes, so take a step back and chill. Maybe even don't read any more; I already have record of your visit so my ego has been massaged.

Kid --

First, and I'll say this right off, we are so very proud of you. We are proud of the step you are taking and the way you are taking it. Sure, we're scared, sad and often hungry, but these days, whop isn't? So go, take wing and soar. But don't think that you can escape the fatherly truisms.

You are there to excel, not coast. Establish priorities and do excellent work.

Get ahead in your reading, and take notes while you read.

Get the paperwork done as soon as you can -- don't wait for a deadline to arrive.

Ask questions, take notes and write down who told you what.

Focus. Don't try to multi-task. Manage your time so you can take care of things on a long term, thought out schedule.

Anticipate what others will think, want, need or do and be a step ahead.

Don't wait for anyone to ask you to do a kindness. Do it before anyone knows it needs to be done.

When asked, do more.

When doing anything, do it better than anyone else, even if it isn't necessary. Excellence must become second nature.

Not every situation requires blame. Not every situation demands anger.

Make your first reaction a deep breath and a pause to consider.

Make your first thought one of compromise.

Make your first statement based in understanding, context and a wish to make things better for others.

Sometimes the only resolution requires giving in. Do it graciously and without reminding anyone that that's what you are doing.

Don't keep score. Be in the moment.

Folders, folders, folders.

Remember your family -- you will always have us in your corner, at least metaphorically, because sometimes, you will be outside and outside doesn't have literal corners.

A dad always wants to help but sometimes has to let you work things out. And sometimes has to tell you you are wrong.

A sister is the best friend you will ever hate. And verse visa.

A mom is sometimes like a sister and a sister is sometimes like a mom. But not always. And often not.

By the way, your sister will be visiting you occasionally [I have to start writing her sappy post...awesome!]. She needs you to be a sister while she is there. That should now be sufficiently confusing.

For every time you miss the dog, just realize that he wants to eat your face.

The world is a tough place full of mean people who are horrible. It already has enough jerks -- it doesn't need you to be another one.

Like finds like. Find and like people who are kind.

Save money. Seriously -- you have become really adept at scrimping and saving. Keep it up. If you just use it when you have it, then you won't have it when you really need it. Walks are free.

Give people another chance without telling them that that's what you are doing.

Most people in the world don't have it as good as you do. That may seem untrue, but it is. You have funds, a roof and a support network. Share with the world; more people need it than don't.

You come from really great stock. Make sure you know who you are and why that matters.

You are part of a fabulous country and a special religion. Cherish them both, celebrate them both, and be proud of both. Do not compromise who you are.

Text me before you video chat me because sometimes I'm trying to sleep or work. Not often, but it could happen.

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I'm sure that over the upcoming days, weeks, months and years, I'll think of more cliches to throw your way, but remember (and this comes from an English teacher) they are cliches because they are true.

The Rise of the Web based Auto Didact

There are 2 kinds of experts: the first is someone who conducts primary research and investigation or has specific experience in a particular area and the second is someone who has read and reviewed the primary materials and can claim expertise (by proxy) in that same area, or on a larger area based on the ability to synthesize expertise by ingesting the material from a selection of areas. Someone, for example, who reads and speaks a language is the first kind. Someone who studies the language from the outside is closer to the second kind – sort of an intellectual version of that first, and someone who learns about the language and its history, structure and relationship to others is definitely the second type.

In years past, experts of any stripe were few and far between. They earned interesting degrees after writing dense dissertations with complex thought in them. The rarified realm of academia was rich with those who knew stuff that no one could ever know without their say-so. Who, other than a native speaker could become expert in Swahili? Someone with the means to travel to where ever they speak Swahili or the time and resources to study the language. Experts need access to stuff the rest of us can’t get so that they can transmit their findings to the rest of us so we can rely on their expertise.

But times have changed. Those experts (types 1a and 2, I guess you could say) are no longer limited to the holders of advanced degrees or dabblers in the higher levels of studies. The internet has democratized expertise by making the heretofore esoterica which informs the intellectual available to the everyman. Now, the trends and connections which could only have been spotted by ivory tower denizens who can read the studies or access the stacks of data can be viewed and judged by anyone. Buzzfeed can show us about the racism in movies from the 70’s. The evolution of languages in the middle ages can be charted using webpages, and pdf’s of documents, primary and otherwise. I no longer have to wait for a specialist to sift through documents in the Vatican, or the results of medical testing in order to drawn and present conclusions.

If someone mentions something online with which I am unfamiliar I can look it up. In the olden days this meant looking it up in a dictionary or encyclopedia in the house. If you had the time and transportation, you could go to a library. If you were wealthy or well educated, you could have your own library. So only an elite class could become familiar with material outside of a relatively small niche. But now that I can get most everything on my phone while I stand in line at the bank, I can read not just the summary and notes version of a text, but the critical discussion. I can read the source material even though I haven’t invested in a compendium of documents or don’t have membership to an exclusive viewing library. The internet is the great intellectual equalizer. It isn’t that our experts are less intelligent, but that the public is more well informed. Sure, there will be a gap between what is available online and off, but that gap is shrinking constantly. Surely there will always be a space between the intellectual 1 percent who are gifted with brains to beat the band and who can make sense of what is out there, and the rest of the world, but that one percent gets bigger as people who otherwise might not have the opportunity to expose themselves to the material are suddenly allowed access to the same resources.

This is fantastic and dangerous. The Wikipedia syndrome which allows us all to pontificate and fabricate does create dangerous situations where our supposed expertise is based on unvetted material. But the plethora of primary (and verifiable) sources online through the digitalization of arcane texts and images, plus the access we have to people from around the world, all coupled with the ability to construct assessments, surveys and ascertainments by which we can construct new collections of fact make most anyone able to raise him or herself to the level of expert. I no longer have to rely on the set of scholars who have seen the Dead Sea Scrolls. I can see them without leaving my house. I can read the papers they have read. I can learn the languages they have studied. And while there is some groundwork that an established expert might have that I lack, I can cite all the same resources and can present my own opinions and findings as substantiated by a similar population of bibliographia.

In fact, whereas it used to be denigrating to call someone an “internet expert” as it indicated that the person was taking predigested summaries and glosses for true fact and presenting the self as an expert, as more and more becomes available to the “internetional” community, an internet expert has much the same authority and power as any other. In the same way that online learning and degrees have moved towards the level of respectability of the traditional model, internet expertise is fast approaching the acceptability of any other mode of authority.

The fact is, I enjoy engaging in on-line argument but not because anonymous pontificating is somehow a reflection of any true power – it is because the test of finding and assimilating relevant and on-point evidence is energizing. I can speak with clarity and authority on subjects about which I was not formally trained and, because my arguments are buttressed by the evidence from the “classical” experts, my statements have force. I am not asserting empty claims, or even saying things that “I heard once, somewhere.” I am giving my reasons and my evidence and my statement has to be taken as seriously as the claims made by traditional experts in their hundred-year-old books. It is simply the case that I have access to the same breadth of knowledge that they did and unless someone can show an error in my thinking, simply stating that someone else is an accepted expert is not persuasive. Do I run the error of hubris in my interpretation? No less than anyone else, from any time. Theses and dissertations are, no doubt rife with misdrawn conclusions or tailored statistics to support whatever finding the author needed to reach. This is not to say that there is some post-modern de-emphasis on an underlying truth, but that there is the same opportunity for people to find (or obfuscate) the truth as there was. Now I don’t need to be physically tied to a university library to do it when I can get all the same materials without putting on my pants.

In the Jewish world this has been both a blessing and a curse. We like to think that our sages of yore were writing more than just logical treatises on text – they were somehow inspired and reached a level of intellect which the commoner today cannot reach. But when it comes to creating new and exciting understandings of text, not ones which necessarily contradict, but innovations, we applaud that more and more people can read the texts and research the ideas. So while we can access a little knowledge and that is dangerous when we try to adjudicate comp[lex matters which require a human touch by someone specifically trained to weigh the various variables, when it comes to understanding ideas, we can certainly be more equipped than the masses of the past who could barely read, and had very little to practice with.

Technology has allowed more people to become celebrities because we can blast our image and message across significantly more channels that have substantially more reach than in years past. In the same way, we can read material from more sources and level the access playing field when it comes to studies, reports, papers, literature etc. so we can become relatively fluent in much more than we ever could. Experts are now all around us. We make ourselves into them and are no less able to hold intelligent conversations than they ever were.

The Bad LieuTennant

Why I’m angry at David Tennant

This morning while I was lying in bed not being asleep, I scrolled through the gems my friends posted on Facebook. Fact is, my friends are brilliant, if for no other reason than their decision to befriend me. Anyway, someone (maybe Facebook itself, which would be interesting and troubling) included a “news” story regarding actor David Tennant. Let’s remember, I’m sort of a fan of Mr. Tennant’s. I know very little of his work but I really enjoyed the first season of Jessica Jones and I know that he has taken his turn as Dr. Who (a position required by law of every person in the UK). So here’s what I read.

In the interview, Tennant says (as the headline takes two quotes and inverts their order), “on 'behalf of the Scottish nation': We 'f--king don't' like you.” I will excuse the profanity but not the arrogance. Celebrities have feelings. I assume. They have political tendencies and preferences when it comes to flavors of ice cream. I have even written a piece or two about celebrities so I know they exist. But a couple of reactions:

1. Being a celebrity does not make you an expert – this is the crux of what I wrote in the above linked blog post from 2013. Chomsky’s opinion on the Mideast has no relationship to his brilliant work as a linguist. I wouldn’t ask Mila Kunis whether one should feed a cold or starve it unless she has independently become a certified medical professional.

2. It is easy for a celebrity (especially one who lives outside of America) to hate an American politician. Having an opinion when you have no skin in the game is simple, and when that politician is easily hate-able, jumping onto that bandwagon seems simple. I’m not defending Trump, mind you. I don’t support a lot of what he says or does, or is. But I also do support some of it and because I live here, my opinion matters just a smidge more than Tennant’s. BTW, I often vote third party because our broken and corrupt political system won’t be fixed from within if we continue to feed the two party monopoly. So there.

3. He can’t speak for anyone but himself or a given and limited list of those who have deputized him to speak on their behalf. A representative system requires that people choose their representative. He doesn’t speak on behalf “of the Scottish nation”. Celebrities have access to a larger microphone and can throw press conferences and give interviews to exploit the media and put forward their own view. But that doesn’t make their views the ones that stand in for anyone else’s. Are you telling me, Mr. Tennant, that Scotland, all of it, held a mass referendum and ALL don’t like Donald Trump, and they assigned you the job of publicizing that?

3b. The Scottish nation, like any nation, isn’t a monolithic and united voice. Many Scottish people might surely hate the president. Some might like him. Some might have no opinion. It is arrogant for ANYONE to claim not only to represent the populace but to represent the idea that the “whole” all agree on a particular position and the position is the stated outlook and feeling of an entire nation.

So please, celebrities and Mr. Tennant, stop thinking that you can speak for anyone but yourself and stop leveraging that spotlight in order to advance your personal feelings as if they were something other than just yours.