I'm old but I'm not old

OK, I know my age and I know that in some ways, I have hit adulthood full-on and face-first. No question. I worry about bills, I look at snow as a burden because of shoveling, and sometimes, yes, the music is too loud (and what the kids listen to today, that isn't music). But listen up you kids: I am NOT old.


I'd like to tell you youngsters about me and this "adulthood" I have found myself in. I want to destroy certain notions (among many others) you might have about me and other grown-ups.



I like eating cereal and milk while sitting on the floor too close to the TV.

I like candy, cake and ice creak. And cookies...I like cookies, too.

I enjoy cartoons, sci fi, the Muppets, stupid sitcoms and toilet humor.

I can't follow politics.

I read the comics first in the Sunday paper.

I play air guitar, air drums and air trumpet among other air-instruments.

I love bumper cars.

I enjoy shooting stuff and seeing stuff blow up.

I drink from the carton.

Bugs freak me out.

I would prefer to stay up late and sleep late.

Lots of stuff is boring.

I do silly voices.

I am impressed by magic tricks.

I love watching airplanes take off and land.

First thing I do in a hotel is jump on the bed.

I prefer to do handstands in the pool to swimming laps.

Snowball fights are fun.

Having a catch is awesome.

I worry about if my clothes match. I just don't know what to do about it.

I make my hair spiky when I am shampooing.

I hate making my bed and doing chores.

In movies, I like making silly comments.

I get scared when the lights go off.



So, yes, when I stand up, you hear a chorus of creaks and "ows", I don't like all the same TV shows and movies and music as you, and when I go shopping, I worry about time and money, but I am still just an overgrown kid. I am insecure and distractable. I am sensitive and insensitive sometimes. I'm just a guy, so be nice.