Wednesday, May 28, 2008

When I grow up

I want to think about studying cognitive psychology.

I don't want to major in reverse psychology.

I want to hit the people who study abnormal psychology.

Eventually I want to study developmental psychology.

I want to find out why I want to study psychotherapy.

My mother wants me to study psychoanalysis.

I wanna studee child sikolojee.

I want to be a licensed psychologist, but with a fishing license.

I'll need Ritalin to help me study psychopharmacology.


I actually want to be an understudy, just not an actor. I want to understudy at a bistro in the Village. I'll walk through the tables and say "I won't take your order, but if, for some reason, your regular waiter can't take your order, then I'll do it."

Thursday, May 22, 2008

for lawyers

well...and bakers.

And this is an aural joke.

The lawyer and the baker finally agreed -- when the baker presented his new product, a flourless chocolate cake, the lawyer was incredibly offended and hurt.

They both considered it a tort(e).

say it out loud and it works better.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Here's the pitch

I rarely get an idea for a TV show and rarer still is the time when something comes to me in a dream like half sleep and I remember it. But with the half sleep being the norm these days, I stand a statistically significant better chance of remembering.

It is called "One Weak." Dumb title, I know.

Each week the show documents the impending breakup of a romantically involved couple. This is NOT a reality show, but a Hollywood produced piece of fiction, so all sorts of relationships and people are shown. The thing is, Hollywood produces 2 andings and viewers are encouraged to phone/text in votes for whether the couple breaks up. The phoning takes from 30 minutes after the hour to 45 after and then the final 15 reveal what America wants to see happen to this particular couple, slickly produced etc. Note -- this is not a reality show -- both options are scripted, well written and acted. No trick endings, and no surprises. America wants to see them together, they end up together. Separate, fine.

That's what I got. Now start sending me money you crazy fools.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The poor FLies

I have been thinking about flies -- summer is coming and I see them around and I guess I feel sort of bad. We keep saying "dropping like flies", "dropping like flies" but the thing is, the flies do that because they don't have pockets. If flies had pockets, they wouldn't drop nearly as much and wouldn't be known as the quintessenital klutzes of the natural world.

Also, I actually had a great conceit for a song using the current vernacular -- a guy writing about how he expected that when the girl he likes broke up with her current boyfriend (maybe because the singer, as a friend, recommended it) she would naturally end up with him. But instead she finds someone else. He sings "but I shot that spot".

I have learned about that phrase as the the "I called dibs" of the new generation.