Thursday, May 18, 2017

A good, old fashioned rant

Warning -- this is just a rant. An absolute and angry rant aimed at nameless people (I assume they have names, but since I don't know who they are, I can't name those names so I use the shorthand "nameless" -- work with me) who have offended my sensitivities.

I'm at work right now (right now being when I am typing this, not any random time when I or you read this) and there is a platter which has leftover food from an event held here last night. The kitchen prepared these mini-muffin things: corn, chocolate chip, bran and like that. There were 4 left. Now, understand -- I wasn't going to eat them. I am on a strict diet of not eating anything which would make me happy so I was staying far away. But when I walked by, I noticed that someone (some nameless one) had taken the tops off the muffins and left the bottoms, in their little paper cups, sitting on the platter.

Before you start referencing Seinfeld episodes, please be aware that this is real life. In real life, someone walked by and broke the tops off for consumption and left the rest just sitting there as if he or she was doing the rest of humanity a favor by, after mangling food, leaving it for others to pick at. That is simply disgusting. Who does that? [note -- not rhetorical. Please tell me who does that so I can smack that person in the head]

Sure, I felt bad about throwing them out because I don't like wasting food. So I didn't. But fortunately, someone else did, after we commiserated about how horrible a behavior it was of that nameless person to break the tops off and leave the rest behind. Offensive and horrible.

So I turned the corner and walked into the local kitchenette to try and recover from the shock and there I saw a platter of double chocolate chip cookies. Again, I wasn't going to eat them because I might crack a smile, but I did look at them very intensely. I noticed that a bunch of them had pieces broken off of them. THIS IS EXACTLY THE SAME THING! Don't break a piece off of a whole cookie so you can eat your little bit and then leave the rest just sitting there! Here's what bothers me -- who doesn't eat a whole cookie? When I want a snack, I limit myself to only 7 or 8 cookies. In a pinch, I can survive with only 3 cookies. But fractions? Bad enough I am confronted with cookies that have some random fingerprints on them, but apparently I am surrounded by people who are unable to eat cookies in units of "1" and that's really offensive. What's up with just having a bite or a piece? Not everyone agrees with my sense that the one pound bag of peanut M+M's is a single serving but a cookie? A little, 2-inch in diameter (yes, I actually measured for the sake of accuracy) cookie needs to be broken in pieces and eaten incrementally? And if you have to break off a piece, break from a cookie that already has a piece taken out, not from another whole cookie! You all make me sick

So stop touching my food, eat like a human being and make sure to measure your cookies before you get angry about them.

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