Old Soldiers

OK, so here's an idea and, as my daughter is wont to say, "Hear me out." That's kidspeak for "this is ridiculous but before you dismiss it, listen so you can mock it appropriately."

Fact -- in days of yore, when men were men and women weren't, there were rules for war. The big one, rule not war, (if Hamlet can be trusted) was that there was no fighting on Sunday. To make war prep or such then was a big no-no. Like "NO-NO" which is, clearly, bigger. So if we can accept that there are rules, and that even today, with the Geneva Convention (or, GenevaCon as those cosplayers like to call it) people want to play war need only a deck of cards and a respect for rules, I am advancing a new rule:

Soldiers must be over 45.

Brilliant, right? Yes, right, thanks for asking.

Let's work this through -- first, no one wants to sacrifice our youth. We need youth. Without it, we have trouble having oldth. Next, 18 year olds are generally disaffected and generally childish. Do we really want them to have guns? I vote "no." The young people have so much to live for and often try to evade the draft. Old people are convinced that there is ALWAYS a draft and we all just need to buck up and deal with it because when I was a boy it was always cold. Always.

Basic training seems to be obsessed with doing things late at night and early in the morning -- and as we age we need less sleep. I know that after I hit the mid to late 40's, I tended to fall asleep earlier but then I was up in the middle of the night frequently, and I find myself (when I look) awake at hours that I used to joke about -- 5AM who the hell wakes up at...oh.

Also, as we age, we lose interest in fighting. Unless the enemy is choosing to walk on our lawn or mess with our shed, I don't see why we wouldn't just say "oh, whatever...my knee hurts and the sun is really bright so I'm just gonna go lie down on the couch." Voila, no more war. Most men of this relatively advanced age would be happy to sit and talk through our problems with each other while drinking a beer or a Metamucil. By "our problems" I don't mean those "with each other." We would end up talking with each other about our problems, bonding while seeing the similarities in our complaints about life in general. We also wouldn't be able to carry really heavy guns because, you know, our back hurts, and there would be frequent bathroom breaks.

No fighting after, say, 7:30 and don't touch the thermostat. Damn kids, we PAY for that heat.