True strength

 I was driving in my car last week, headed to the airport to pick up a child and a spouse. Newark airport has redesigned terminal A so I'm still getting used to the new layout. Here's a weird detail -- as you approach the terminal there is an entrance onto the road from the left side and it isn't one of those long ramps that allows cars to merge; it is a 90 degree left turn into the fast lane. I was unaware of its existence until a large car decided to inform me by lurching all the way across my lane and half of the next lane over before beginning his left turn. I swerved to the right, hoping that, early in the morning, there would be precious few cars alongside me. I also hit the horn (which I rarely do) and slammed on my brakes. This adventure in multi-tasking had a number of effects. First, I (AFAIK) did not die, so there's that. But I also found my right hand splayed across the passenger seat. I had no conscious thought of doing this, but the instinct to protect a passenger is very strong in this one. Had there been a porcupine in that seat, he or she would have been safe but I would have become a pin cushion.

A similar instinct kicked in when I walked my kids outside. I would hold a daughter's hand simply because, heck, I happen to like my kids. But if she were to stumble at all, I somehow (possibly magically) instantly squeeze her hand to keep her from falling. No one taught me to do this. I don't think about it, I just do it.

So when I was reading the haftarah from yesterday, and I encountered the story of Uzzah, I became, shall I say, "perturbed." Yes. Yes, I shall.

Perturbed.

In the story (2 Samuel 6:6), the ark of the covenant (cue Indiana Jones music) was being transported via wagon to a new resting place. Uzzah, son of Avinadav, walked along side it, and when, at one moment, an ox moved in a way that caused it to shift, Uzzah instinctively reached out his hand to stop the ark from falling. But, by touching what he was not allowed to touch, he incurred the death penalty. It doesn't seem fair. All he was trying to do was protect God's honor - you can't let something so holy fall on the ground. And on top of that, he probably didn't stop and think; he just acted. Why should he get punished for something out of his control, and something driven by the holiest and purest of desires, to safeguard the ark?

I did a little digging and found that I wasn't the only person troubled by this. And each person, sometimes citing some sage or another, sometimes speaking on his own, tried to explain what it really going on. Here is one example https://forums.dansdeals.com/index.php?topic=60155.20. And I get it. After a bunch of reading and thinking, I can derive a nice homiletic explanation which applies to our daily lives et cetera, et cetera. But I still don't like it.

First, a piece of background (and I'm getting foundational info from the Artscroll Chumash, page 1168. There are more formal citations on other webpages so feel free to check them out, but I'm not waiting for you).  The ark was not supposed to be transported via wagon. The commandment was for it to be carried. In fact, the medrash learns out that the ark carries itself and sustains those who carry it, so they do not need to worry that it is too difficult. It does the heavy lifting. Putting it in a wagon might seem more efficient, or simpler, but it isn't what was commanded. Uzzah let that happen. He didn't defend God's honor by championing the actual obligation of carrying. He stepped up to "protect" only after he had shown that he wanted to be next to God but only on his own terms.

So in this moment, Uzzah forgot that the ark didn't "need" him and he felt that he, as a human, was essential in keeping God "safe" (as it were). That's a message that I have seen on websites. But I think it goes beyond that. I think that the underlying message is about the need for awareness and intentionality, even when it seems that instinct is just as effective.

When I pray, am I aware of the words that I say? Each moment? Every time? Or do I say them because "that's what we are up to" and I have said them so often that it happens automatically? When the chazzan says kaddish, do I respond "yehei sh'mei..." because I am thinking, at that second, about actively and consciously praising God's name, or because I click into automatic and respond? This doesn't mean that I don't mean the words as I say them. It means my decision to do it has stopped being a decision. And when it comes to protecting my little baby as she takes her steps, or my passenger as I drive to the airport, that automatic response is perfectly appropriate. But in our approach to the divine it isn't enough. Uzzah wasn't wrong in his motivation, but he also wasn't acting from within an intentional schema. He lunged because he saw God's ark just like anything of value and we act without thinking to protect anything valuable. Admirable but not what God wants. God doesn't even want us to do things pro forma -- with conscious intention to do them but without the thoughts surrounding our actions as a proper decision to express a specific and unique emotional connection at that moment. Think of Shmu'el statement to Sha'ul in 1 Sam 15:22 -- does God desire sacrifices? He wants you to listen to what he actually commands. Don't do it because YOU think that that is what is necessary. We should do what GOD says is necessary.

Uzzah, consciously or not, was doing what HE thought was right. Now, maybe it is hard to blame him. It is tough to defeat instinct. It requires a level of personal awareness which is really (really) hard to achieve. Some huge percentage of our actions are either purely instinct (try NOT flinching when the ball comes straight back behind home plate, even though you know there is a net to protect you) or learned responses which eventually border on instinct. And there is a reason that the major league catcher is such a prized commodity -- he can control his responses so that he doesn't flinch in that crucial moment. Uzzah was acting like a guy in the stands. That's great if all you aspire to is being a guy in the stands. But if you want to be a major leaguer, you have to be aware in that moment to such a degree that nothing you do is instinct even though it seems to be.

When we pray, when we put on tefillin, or when we give tzedaka or do any other mitzvah, are we doing it

a) automatically because that's what we do

b) as a learned response because we figure that's what we are supposed to do

c) because in that moment, we have slowed time down, considered all the options, and realized that this is what we are commanded to do

Uzzah acted according to A or even B. He needed to act under scenario C. No, it isn't easy. No, it isn't fair. But if we want to merit walking carryng the ark, then we have to be ready to shoulder that burden and take every step consciously.

Jocks, each

I wasn't planning on getting angry today. I was planning on spending some quality Passover time eating too much and avoiding my work. These are time honored traditions.

And I also have tried real hard to avoid commenting on some stuff I have seen going on in the Jewish community because, hey, I wanna be good, so I wanna keep my mouth shut. So far, so good. But not today and not now.

There has been some hubbub within the Jewish community over the last few years because of a couple of young gentlemen who are rising stars in certain athletic fields. If I recall correctly, one is a baseball player and one is a basketball player and aren't we all SO proud of them for holding on to their Jewish heritage while climbing the ranks and maybe, one day, breaking the glesseleh ceiling that has kept religious Jews from the elite ranks of professional athletes.

Note - I am not dealing with the young woman who plays ping pong*, or the basketball team in Texas or anyone who runs any marathons. I'm talking about these two, and then one other, individuals because they are what's in my head right now.

In the case of these two gentlemen, much has been said about all the accommodations they make to minimize any potential desecration of the sabbath so that they can continue their upward movement without having to compromise their adherence to halacha. Sort of.

Listen, I like sports as much as the next guy, or at least the guy next to him. But it just seems to me that competing is not what Shabbat is about. Finding ways around the laws so that one can continue to compete doesn't seem right to me. Call me crazy, or fundamentalist or a Martian, but in my ever so humble opinion, Shabbat is not for hard-core competition. I recall, years ago, when a student in my class asked the rebbe if there was anything wrong with playing basketball on Shabbat if there is an eruv. The rabbi cautioned that it could lead to score keeping and writing things down, and it might lead to driving to games or who knows what else, but at the least, it would lead to a cheapening of what Shabbat is. And, yes, I'm being hypocritical because I have been known to play games on the Sabbath so there is certainly some measure of competition going on here. But I think that there has to be some halachic distinction between playing a 48 minute, semi-pro basketball game at an arena and trying to win a game of casino at my dining room table.

So, yeah, I'm sickened by this hero worship. But I have held my tongue so that everyone can suck at the existential teat of fame by group-affiliation. Look...he's a religious Jew and he is playing minor league ball so my identity as a religious Jew doesn't have to inevitably indicate that there is no chance for my proving to the world that I got game.

Today, however, I saw an article on the ESPN website about a student at what is called a "Jewish Day School" (it is a pluralistic school with which I have no personal affiliation). He runs. I'm not saying I understand why, but he runs. And he developed a connection to his religiosity and decided that it was inappropriate for him to engage in competitive running on Shabbat. In fact, according to the article, he researched it and cited a well known and respected Jewish authority (the Ta"Z) to support his decision. So he wasn't going to run. Kudos to him.

But then the coach of his team was quoted as not understanding the decision, and trying to convince him to run ("Oliver's coach showed him, using numbers, how his absence would impact the team's chance to win") Imagine that. At a Jewish school, the coach was trying to guilt a student who was expressing his Judaism into doing something that went against that student's Jewish ideals. Disgusting, if you ask me. The kid could have found a way out but he wanted to live his convictions and the AUTHORITY FIGURE tried to push him away from being his authentic self. The other kids on the team froze him out (""If you're not going to race, don't show up. No one wants to see your face."). His mother tried to push him into it saying he "owed" it to his team. Not that he owed anything to a few thousand years of tradition, just to a bunch of high school kids who wear shorts and run o that they can get a medal. Good job supporting your son, ma. His own cousin questioned the decision.

How are we not shaming THEM? How are we not teaching the middot that celebrate adherence to halacha? Why are we so fixated on winning and proving to the non-Jews that we are like them, so much so that we sacrifice some aspect of our own actual beliefs? Why didn't the school hold this runner up as a model of something incredible and special? How could they let this peer pressure and bullying go on?

Why do we look up to those who justify their pushing the envelope and not those who say "I'm happier following the rules as they are, not as I need them to be?" Maybe orthodox Jews aren't meant to be professional athletes. Maybe we are meant to be orthodox Jews for whom Sabbath observance is more important. I admire this one student not because he represents the Jewish community, because, sadly, the community has become corrupted. I admire him because he represents what the community SHOULD be.




*yes, I should be lauding the young woman for her decision to default rather than play on Shabbat but I haven't seen an article which says that she was pressured by her Jewish community to abandon her spiritual identity.

A clearinghouse of ideas.

Over the last few days, my randomly firing brain has spewed out a few separate ideas. None is especially fleshed out - some have major plot gaps, and I haven't found a way to connect them all. I am posting a couple here that I was able to commit to words before each flew away. All rights to these ideas are reserved by me so if any strikes your fancy and you want to develop it, please contact me so we can discuss licensing and royalties. Daddy gots to get paid, y'all.

1. We start, flashing back to a small area in the deserts of Arizona. A group of wandering pioneers decides to establish a town.

A few years down the road, the town founders, worried about [and here I don't know what threat to create] so they set up a doomsday/failsafe plan. This would be triggered by the presence of the word "drowned" in a death report. Unlikely for a town in the desert so they thought it cunning and [for some reason inherently related to the "threat" drowning would be an important indicator].

Cut to modern day. Guy watering his lawn. The spigot handle breaks. He takes out a screwdriver and unscrews it. Towards the end, water pressure shoots the screw up into his forehead, knocking him out. He falls back onto his lawn as the water keeps shooting out like a fountain into his face, drowning him.

Police come, the body is taken to the morgue where the coroner confirms that, in the middle of a desert, a guy died of drowning. This sets off the doomsday device which drives the plot to save the town (or, if one were to imagine that this drowning in fact IS what the founders were worried about, to avoid the threat the founders first imagine].




2. In which a man discovers a horrible conspiracy!

A guy realizes that in this artificial existence that we call life, the "overseers" [whoever is really in charge] have been giving us hints about the fake nature of our world, and yet we never see them. Every celebrity or politician is an actor playing a role of playing a role. The names are structured using literary and psychological devices.

Consider the names of the supposed "bad" guys according to the scripted drama sometimes called world War 2
HITler
MUSSolini
Names start with a verb indicating violence or disorder. [Hero-hito was considered a God by his people, a clear example of Hero worship, which is a bad thing]
And after the war, STALL In, CRUSHchev
The names betray the characters ' evil.
And the good guys?
CHURCHill
TRU MAN
names designed to evoke or trigger a sympathetic response in the audience.
Other characters exist, like the leader who wanted a SDI (Star Wars defense) named Ray-gun.
The guy tries to convince everyone that the world is a scripted set of lies. Cut to chase scenes.




3. The thought keepers. In the future scientists have dealt with the issue of forgetfulness. People were missing memories and having more thoughts than they can possibly juggle and recall. So science created human computers. These organic machines serve as cloud storage for every single thought. They shadow their human counterparts, connected by a neural net that outsources the brain in real time. Every thought and idea is filed and catalogued and each is available for recall at any time. When a person dies, his heir get access to all his experiences and ideas.
But what happens when some of the walking, talking, and telepathically connected new humans get kidnapped
Or
when someone starts hacking into the neural net, stealing ideas?
Or
the thought-keepers try to develop thoughts of their own

The four Sons

 Yes, the following will be sexist in that it plays into stereotypes (and sad truths) about the household, but I feel that it is honest and responsible to its source material and the cultural norms of the time in which it was written.

I believe that there is a different way of understanding the discussion of the four sons in the Haggadah. We read this on Passover and myriad commentators have tried to look at the spiritual and esoteric possibilities but I shall now advance a more straightforward reading:

It was the day before the Passover. The mother was hard at work, scrubbing, moving, checking, and cleaning. It was difficult work but she was not alone. She had her daughters with her and all were slaving away.

In walks child #1 -- he is respectful and curious. Not so great around the house, but he will make a great lawyer. Or maybe a doctor. That's OK too.

He approaches his mother and asks "What are all the laws that are guiding you in all of this work?" The mother smiles sweetly and says "the laws of Passover, dear. Now hush or I won't have time to make you dessert."

The second son walks in. He could care less about anyone but himself and looks down (literally and figuratively) on his mother and sisters in their cleaning. He asks "What's the point of your doing all of this?" 'Your" not "our" -- he wants no part of the cleaning. His mother says "Zip it, kiddo -- I cleaned your room so I know where you stash your girlie magazines. You are just lucky that your father hasn't found out yet, or else nothing would save you."

In comes the next child, the quiet contemplative one. He is so wrapped up in thought that he almost stumbles over his sister who is on her hands and knees washing the dirt floor so the dirt will be K for P. "Watcha doing?" he asks. The mom comes over and says "We are using our elbow grease to clean up. Big changes like getting ready for Passover need hard work, from everyone, including you, me, and even God."

Meanwhile another child has been standing in the corner, totally confused. He has been watching the women in amazement and has heard everything his mother has said. He is at a complete loss. He still doesn't know the rules that mom sent son #1 to study. He wants to be involved so his mom won't go through his drawers, like the second son. But he has been watching so asking "what are you doing" like his brother did seems a dumb idea. So he just stands there. His mother notices. She comes over and whispers "I'll tell you a secret, one that mothers teach their sons: I'm doing this for all of you because I love you. If you help, you can show me how much that means to you."

That last child picks up a rag and starts wiping. Yes, he does a poor job of it and, after he leaves, his mom has to undo and redo everything he "helped" with, but he has developed the right attitude about helping and that will help in the future.