A Grave Diss Service

 I write the following to my sister not because anything in specific has to do with her but because she, by geographic virtue (and chronological vice?) is closest so these things will fall within her purview.

Dear Nomi,

You have done such a fine job setting up and taking care of mom and dad's graves so I have some ideas I wanted to pass by you. Please take care of these things at my convenience.

First, I noticed that at the cemetary, and at others, there is a lot of sunlight and in many graveyards, there aren't sublevels and overhangs, meaning even more sunlight. Can you please start selling solar panels that be affixed to graves so that the deceased can help us generate more electricity?

Next, I would like it if you could set up a Ring doorbell on mom and dad's gravestone. I would like to be able to watch and see who visits -- I suspect that when my kids say that they are going to visit the grave, they are actually at home, throwing a party. Also, it would be neat to speak to someone who comes to visit the grave. I might even throw that person for a loop! Maybe an Echo Dot or the equivalent would be good also. I am not sure how or why but I like saying "Echo Dot" because it means "echo law/religion" in Hebrew.

Can you arrange to attach a dry erase marker to the grave so people can write notes? You might have to install a dry erase board also. Get er done.

For my grave (which I shan't need for quite some time) I'd like to eschew the traditional mausoleum and just have some animatronics installed. 

Thanks,

Dan

scraps

 I have been starting a number of different things and then losing interest and moving on so I will just dump 3 separate entries here. If they inspire you to keep writing about any of these, then that's great. If not, that's great also.

1. I wanted to go on record as stating that AI is not writing any of this. A longer discussion of the plusses and minusses of chat-apps writing or revising work, making images or composing music needs to be composed but these days, I am so sidetracked with work that I am not doing it. Just be aware, though -- I'm real and I'm really writing this.

2. I am working on a wikipedia entry. I want to create a new historical event so this is what I have so far:

The Farmers' Rebellion of 1871

The Farmers' Rebellion helped galvanize congress to subsidize less capable farmers so that they could be guaranteed a living wage despite gross incompetence. 

The movement, unofficially considered to have begun with the destruction of half empty solos in 1871 (see "the Granary Murders") signaled the spread of unionization beyond urban centers, 30 plus years before it even existed. 

Driven by the work of local Kansan Fred "Hero" Israel the work stoppage which was participated in by upwards of 2 farmers convinced the government that it was 1871 and really, nothing much else was going on. The resolution, sponsored by Badadiah L. Brown (R, Illinois) passed by a vote of 4 to 3 with an unknown number of votes for "confused." 

Sporadic violence against a variety of inanimate objects inspired Americans to rally around the cause, singing anthems such as "Don't corn me no Corn" and "Till til we till again."

3. A musing on the cult of celebrity surrounding football players:

Football players are working to cultivate a brand and commercial identity so much so and so distinct of their position as teammate that teams tend to draw attraction, yes by a won lost record primarily but following a close second, as the extension of a media personality. Less successful teams are measured by a lack of a face pervasive in the consumers' collective eye. Thus the less successful teams are not unknown despite having statistically significant athletes but because their local base does not actually watch football.