First things, first

 I'm not a political person. I find politics and such to be a dirty and confusing business. Except when it comes to dirty politics. That isn't confusing at all. That's just double dirty. Math. Ta da!

But I do like discussing laws. Maybe it is my religious leaning, or my fascination with the precision of wording or maybe it is because I find comfort and predictability in a legal system because then I can be a rule follower and know what I'm following.

One law (and there are different types of laws including rules, actions in equity, precedents etc) or category of laws can be traced back to the bill of rights, the first of 10 amendments appended to the Constitution of the US before all those other johnny come lately amendments snuck in (like proposition 305). The relevant portion for today's rant is (and I'm ellipsisising the parts not relevant), "Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press"

In the U.S. people (I'm not using the word "citizen" intentionally) have the right to say things without the government's restraining them. This, of course, has exception. There are categories of speech that are subject to prior restrain -- laws can be made that stop the speech from coming in to the world. Hate speech is still protected, though. So are lies. If I choose to stand on the street and spout vicious lies and hateful comments, I cannot be stopped.

So one might think that, knowing this, Macklemore, Miss Rachel and so many others are within their rights to say what they feel. And you would be right, sort of.

Back in the day, I was an ardent civil libertarian. I believed that the truth would set us all free so if the IHR wanted to speak at a college, that would be fine but I would encourage the school and its students to provide the opportunity for pre-education and rebuttal. The open marketplace of ideas has to include all the ideas, right? The obligation of the majority is to protect the rights (including of speech) of the minority. Even unpopular statements can be expressed. This is freedom, right? Again, sort of.

Thing is, when people throw around the term "freedom of speech" and support it by invoking the 1st Amendment (henceforth to be abbreviated as "the 1st Amendment") they are usually in error. There is very little in what has been on the news which is subject to any laws. Removing someone from a job, a role or some other context is a consequence, not a legal estopping of any estatements. Is that unfair? maybe, but it is a consequence in the same marketplace of ideas. If you work for me and you say something hateful, I can fire you because your presence will affect my bottom line since people might buy my product or service from someone else if I am associated with hate. So I say "you are poison for my business. Go away" and I make sure the public knows that those views aren't mine. Buy my stuff, please.

So first point -- you don't have freedom from consequence, and if this isn't about laws being passed to gag you before you speak, this isn't about the 1st Amendment. This is about capitalism -- I want to make money by convincing you to spend it. If I am not a persuasive salesman because I am seen with haters and the marketplace isn't into hate and its standing-byproducts, then I lose money. I am allowed to choose my friends an spokespeople. That's my freedom.

Next, speech is not protected in all places or at all times. If you step into my house and say "I hate you and you are evil" I have the right to say "I hear that, now get out" and you get no yummy brownies that I just made. [full disclosure, I made them last night and then ate the whole pan so let's put this in the theoretical pile until I make more] I can protect my space and my reputation by telling you to leave. Let's take that a step further.  Certain kinds of speech are not appropriate for all ages. We have ratings which establish age cut offs. In that vein, I would suggest that going into a school and using certain language or discussing certain subjects in front of the class would be wrong. Do kindergartners need to be read to from Penthouse Letters? Personally, I don't think so. But hey, I never thought it would happen to me but...

And remember, lies are protected so when a news outlet says something it knows to be untrue (or hasn't done a good job of checking) it is within its rights. Damn the canons, full speed ahead. Do we champion that right to lie? 

Now, as to what constitutes the kind of speech that some want want to react to. The answer is "any." We put the power in the hands of the hearers, or more precisely, their ears. If I am offended by something you say, you can put your hands over your ears and refuse to listen, and then you can choose not to buy the product or service of people who espouse that position or affiliate with the person who champions it. So we have a "my house, my rules" and a "you can't do that on television" mixed in with "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." If you don't like that a comedian makes a joke about balloons because a balloon raped your cattle and stampeded your village, then you walk out and you call the owner of The Chuckle Patch (who by the way is playing with trademark infringement) and say "my friends and I won't be coming back because you put a guy on stage who triggered us." If the owner hears from one person, he might ignore it. If he hears from a thousand paying customers, he might listen and tell balloon-boy to take his jokes elsewhere. That's the free market at work. The comedian says what he wants and the market decides if his opinions should be rewarded. Or if a venue that hosts him is a place in which customers will laugh or not. I can always go the He Guffaws right down the street and drink my minimum there.

The owner can also walk over to the comedian and say "your material is great but the balloon thing isn't playing for my audience -- if you want to play again, remove the stuff that my audience hates." The comedian can change, walk away, or do what he wants and face consequences. This isn't a matter of law, but of the owner's control over his place of business. He can get on stage in a fake nose and side-locks until someone tells him not to. He can do his entire routine in blackface until someone tells him not to. He stand on stage and do nothing but read Tropic of Cancer until someone tells him not to. And if no one tells him not to, because the act is selling and receiving no negative backlash, then so be it.

People attend events for the event. I used to go to concerts and when I did, it was because I wanted to hear music. I don't care what my favorite band thinks about immigration, fracking or space based weapons. When a performer uses a bully pulpit to profess ideas I find abhorrent I am offended not by the ideas, but by the misuse of the spotlight. Honestly, why do I assume that the opinions of a Hollywood actor are any more valid or informed than those of more personally prepared or invested parties? I don't. I look at the ignorant and say "stay in your lane -- do what you did to become famous and don't mix in other stuff." The fact that Mel Gibson (maybe) is an antisemite doesn't interest me. Don't ask, don't tell. I still want to see him in movies. He's dreamy. But when he signs a letter with 300 of his friends accusing Jews of controlling the weather, I'll get irritated. The abuse of the microphone to mix messages into an intersectional symphony isn't why I paid too much for this ticket. A linguist's opinion on world events is as useful as my opinion on the great vowel shift, so I keep my mouth shut about it when people come to my house to discuss baked ziti. And, yes -- they do.

And we also have to consider how consistent we want to be in the application of the marketplace's strength. Are we offended when someone uses the middle of an Ibsen play to stop and lecture the audience about the perils of processed foods (unless it is Hedda Gabler*...interrupt that one as much as you want)? Do we want our money to go to someone whose cooking show is about the best preparation of fugu for the home cook, as explained by a twenty-year old who is blind? Is it a problem if the brass section of the Boston Philharmonic gets up on stage in the middle of some rondeau to wave a Confederate Flag and yell "the south shall rise again!"? Can Macklemore do his set in blackface? Can he shout "I just want you all to know that 9/11 never happened -- the twin towers never actually existed and all those people didn't die, they were all just crisis actors, paid by the Protestant mafia" and expect no response? What is offensive to whom and are we equally offended by all things? More importantly, do we protect anyone else's right to be offended even when we aren't?

If Miss Rachel chose to teach young children "The Dalai Lama is the devil incarnate" would we let our kids keep watching? And if we knew she posted this sentiment on social media would we still think her fit to teach our children ANYTHING? Again, this isn't about the freedom of speech, but about the freedom to respond to speech.

So the take aways? Invoking the 1st Amendment is generally inappropriate unless you are talking about particular laws in particular contexts. Freedom to speak your mind isn't guaranteed in places you or the government doesn't own, or at times when the audience is wrong. Expressing your opinion doesn't shield you from the consequences of expressing your opinion.

And if you find yourself offended that there are certain consequences when someone in the public sphere says something you agree with, imagine if that someone had said the opposite. Would you be equally as offended if a band at Burning Man held up a Russian flag and sang the Russian anthem as a Ukrainian flag and sang its anthem? [Do they have bands at Burning Man? I have no idea. If not, not. My B] What if someone used his position at the center of 50,000 adoring fans to say "All Hindus need to be removed" or "Left-handedness is sinister and left-handed people are baby killers!" Or if a black politician makes public statements wearing a dǒulì using pidgin, wearing Coolie Attire and sporting a clipped on queue.

If your outrage is selective then maybe you aren't all about freedom of speech.

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*I have never read Hedda Gabler but I had to choose an Ibsen and that was the third one I thought of.

Some sumamrizing

I'm sitting here at work, reflecting on the last month plus and I'm compelled to write things up. Not because I have much new to say, but because I'm compelled. It's like a compulsion so, there we go.

This morning I had my first experience in planned laziness. I think that that is an important part of anyone's day -- the choice to be lazy, and I made the choice. So let's start with a quick anecdote, an ode, you might say, to my laziness. You also might not say that, but if you are not saying it because you are lazy then aren't you actually saying it?

I needed to return to the Maccabi central building to drop off some papers at the lab, and while there, I figured I would pop into the dental office. I chipped a tooth yesterday (blast you, delicious pretzels!) and I have been trying to figure out if I have dental coverage. I tried making an appointment using the various web based services but my limited skills seemed to point to the repeated response of "you can't do that." I didn't know if that meant that I didn't have dental coverage or I was just doing something wrong. Even odds on those options. I tried calling various numbers but got no information or live person. I did some digging and it seems that my medical plan is supposed to include some measure of dental so this means I was doing something wrong. Not shocked.

So while I was in the building, I decided to walk in and ask. The building is a quick walk of about 15 minutes from my building. Straight and a couple of quick turns. Very convenient. BNut I also learned that once you pay for a ride on certain public transport, you can have free transfers for a particular time span. My last step for this morning was going to be to get to work and that would require a bus trip so I worked backwards and figured that I could use the light rail to and from the medical building and then walk over to the bus, all for a single fee (8 NIS). So why should I walk extra and sweat like a monkey (h/t Ben Stiller) if I didn't have to. Planned laziness. It worked! So kudos to the free transfers. While I rode, I thought about some summing up that I could do. These are highlights of what I have learned thus far about the culture and people of Israel. I have no doubt that I will keep learning new stuff, but this is what I have right now.

First, the national religion is 2FA.

The practice of that religion requires one live and breath the holy binity of SMS and Whatsapp. And much like some religions, you might end up chatting with an AI that isn't really there and doesn't make any sense.

Take a number -- the country runs like a deli or a take-out counter. You show up someplace, odds are you will have to take a number just to speak with the secretary. I still haven't figured out some of the subtleties here (like in my bank).

You get a natinal ID number which I considered like a SSN except you throw yours around here with alarming frequency. It's safe because of the almighty 2FA I guess.

Next, people are very comfortable with each other. The "one big family" sense is true as long as you remember that in most families, there is as much arguing as anything else and sometimes, people forget your birthday or wear your sweater without asking. Underneath it all, they put up with you because they have to, but don't expect them to be polite. I get phone calls from numbers I don't recognize (I mean, I understand individual numbers but the combinations are unfamiliar) and when I pick up, whoever is on the other end starts by addressing me by my name (more later) and jumping right into whatever has to be said. No "Is Mr. Rosen there?" or Even "Hi, I'm calling from ______ and trying to reach _____." Just zero to conversation in no seconds flat. I'm trying to catch up before I even get started.

People assume competence or familiarity. This makes sense. If you call someone who shares your understanding of cultural norms, then all is well. But if you call me, I'm going to be so lost that I won't be able to tell Snarth from Woots.

This familiarity bleeds into text messages. Let's forget about the language barrier. I'm just talking the assumption that a text makes sense. This comes up most often in terms of deliveries. I get text messages telling me that my delivery is on its way. What delivery? I didn't order anything that I was expecting. But the third party deliverer doesn't know either -- it just says "give us more information about your address and be ready for a delivery." No "what" or "from whom" or even "approximately when." Just be ready and when the delivery guy calls you, be there.

You know all those jokes about civil servants and places like the DMV? Well, imagine an entire country that runs like that. So much stuff runs through governmental-type offices so the people who work there have that same laid back attitude until they don't. The brusqueness is real but it is supposed to be bilateral. Those of us who are nicer by nature don't get ahead in life. If you call, you will speak to a series of phone trees (similar to the US) but if you "press 3 for English" you might not get someone who speaks English. And if you ask for a call back in English, you might not get a call back, let alone one in English, or one during the same week. Or one that is familiar with why you called or is able to help you. So, yeah. And email? Send in English and it might get answered (by a non-English speaker sometimes) or maybe not. What they don't have in efficiency, they make up for in inefficiency.

As for the language, there is so much technical vocabulary that we take for granted. Learning how to ask where the bathroom is won't ensure that you can understand the recommendation to restart your router, or answer whether you have ever taken a prescription medicine for your liver, or set up your various pension options. You just get dropped in. I'm sure it is the same for non-English speakers in the U.S. but I'm just becoming sensitive to that now because I am the HFL learner and most people aren't trained HFL teachers.

The real heroes are the bus drivers. They take large buses onto 2 way streets that were built for donkeys. One-way donkeys. I'm surprised car makers haven't found ways to move side mirrors IN TO the car and I'm even more surprised that there aren't more accidents. The roads are winding, narrow and confusing, much like the ovens, the cans of shaving cream and the A4 paper. I have driven here and I don't look forward to doing it again. I'm working on getting a license just so that I have an extra form of ID. And all the cool kids are doing it, so...

People really do care. Under the gruff exterior, people really do want to help -- you just have to preface every conversation with "I'm a new immigrant and I'm lost." They can then feel sorry for you, talk about you in Hebrew with their friends, and give you advice in halting English. It is probably wrong, but they're trying.

No matter who tells you a process, there are steps missing. I found out that to use my dental coverage, I had to open a file; my lack of an open file explains why I couldn't make an appointment but the nice Russian lady who spoke a little English took the time to open a file for me and help me get an appointment for Monday morning. I'm hoping that my chipped tooth doesn't further crack until then, but I didn't feel like it was an emergency (for which I could have gotten a sooner evening appointment). The point is, no one mentioned having to do this (or if someone did, it was amidst the flurry of "first things" that were dumped on me on day 1 and in Hebrew). I work in steps so giving me all the parts in one big blob up front doesn't help.

Honestly, I don't know the cause and effect which might explain thigs. Are the drivers crazy because the roads are or are the roads seem crazy because the drivers are out of their minds? Does familiarity breed contempt, or is there contempt in the water already?

There is more to learn, and more to write, but that's enough for this morning. At some point I have to get to the library, find out why my updated citizenship card hasn't arrived, and find an activity to help my 8th graders learn about the value of studying a word's etymology.

Even here, Mondays are horrible

 I'm still on the "get your degrees approved" merry-go-round. I have noticed a few things. First, people assume way too much about my ability. They forget that every step requires my translating a substantial amount of stuff and possibly getting it wrong. This isn't something that an Ulpan would solve. The Ulpan doesn't review the legal language or government terms. You just have to know them and I don't.

Idea for a service -- absorption valet. Each person who signs up is assigned a single point person who shepherds the newbie through the process and all of its 2000 parts. That person is a proper Israeli who will make the calls, argue the arguments, follow the ups and be a point person who can see the big picture and is aware of each step and how it gets done. Some can be specialists who can negotiate one aspect (not one department, but all departments and steps required for an entire goal) and some might be wild cards who can step up for isolated issues. Hello, I'd like to hire an Israeli extrovert who will pave the way for me please. They can get the equivalent of tour-guide licenses so that when they call up, they can identify themselves as official representatives. I'll take one for banking, one for utilities, one for ID and Passport and one for professional. Charge me what you want but I'm not paying until all the chiriks or dotted and the ayins are crossed.

I was emailing a person asking for guidance in one area and she said she would pass along my info to someone else. The other person called (without identifying herself or from where she was calling) and asked how she could help me. That's a nice offer, but if I don't know who you are, I can't tell you how to help. It was also clear that she had not read the emails that led to her being included. Had she, she would have been able to address my need, not ask me to start from scratch. She proceeded to tell me that I had to do a completely different task first. I tried explain that I have been working on it, but have been getting no where so that's why I emailed in the first place. She recommended I go to the office which I have visited twice, or call the help line because surely they can figure it out. Surely. I admire her certainty. I mentioned that I already worked with someone on a help line who said it wasn't working and recommended I email...

I went through the process, taking screenshots of each step and explaining the difficulty I was having. I showed the limitations of their system. I explained what was not responding or not allowing me to move forward. Nothing. Then I said "I'll call the help line tomorrow." Instant response -- "I'm sure they can help you." She feels off the hook, like she has moved me forward in some way. Nope.

In the midst of all this, I got a text telling me to expect a package which arrived 4 hours ago. You see, 4 hours ago, I went to take a walk. I got 5 minutes from my place and my phone rang. I said "hello" and a guy addressed me by name. No idea. He eventually explained that he was delivering a package and I had to be there to get it. He said he would wait the 5 minutes but that's it. I checked my texts and found one that reported that the item had been delivered, but nothing telling me to be ready for a delivery. So the warning came 4 hours after delivery.

And did I mention that I got my PIN from American express but their website had the wrong phone number for me listed? Weird thing is, they said they were sending an SMS to that number, but I received it at my number. I would suggest that that reflects a serious database problem.

Anyway, the woman on the phone told me I also had to start a different process (one which no one has heretofore mentioned) and I ran into (you guessed it) a difficulty with that one. So I pfumferred my way through and I probably broke their system. They deserve it. It is annoying having people insist "it is easy" when clearly, they haven't tried it. Remember, the most important skill is empathy, recognizing that what is easy for one person may not be so for another but the answer isn't simply to say "it's easy."

I refuse to believe that I am the first person to go through this process. It is amazing that the various branches operate in a vacuum and seem to be confused about their own processes but experts about who should be in charge of everyone else's. Yes, I am frustrated. And people wonder why I am reluctant to ask questions. It is because I get no useful answers but the person whom I ask is convinced that he or she has solved everything so when I press, that person gets testy with me.

As we all know, this is only one small dimension of the many directions in which I am currently lost. Yes, I complain a lot. But that's just so that you don't have to.

You're welcome.

A Month in

 There have been good days and bad, and they are often the same day.

But one month in to my aliyah journey, I can confidently say, "what the hell?"

Last week, a family knocked on my door because they thought my apartment still housed their dentist. It doesn't. My knowledge of teeth is limited to my own, and even those are mostly strangers to me. But the people seemed nice I guess. I wish I had lollipops to give them.

Yesterday, a guy knocked on my door to tell me that my AC is dripping so he wanted to add some tubing to channel the water away from wherever it was dripping. I don't know who he is so I invited him into my home. Would a psycho murderer be carrying plastic tubing? I think not. He wanted to work on the one AC which I have used least, so I don't know that it was the offending drip-source but whatever. It is nice to have guests.

While I negotiate the issues with my US credit report, I am still trying to figure out who is supposed to be reviewing all sorts of my documents (that are not uploaded because the various websites don't let me upload them). I have found that my phone is not sending emails that I thought I sent. I don't know whose fault that is, but then my printer refused to print also and the website for the Ministry of Absorption and Squeegees froze up every time I tried to update my personal information. Maybe it is just a me problem. That possibility does wonders for my self confidence.

People encourage me to get out more and interact. Why would I want to do that? I get enough frustration without having to put on shoes. I should also walk to my bank and be ignored or misunderstood in person? I already have that!

So the short list of the moment:

Israel --

has the water company fully resolved all the billing issues? No.

has the ministry of absorption responded to my sending in my documents? No.

has the ministry website acknowledge my repeated attempts to update banking details? No.

has the ministry of education acknowledged my submitted licenses? No.

Is my credit card working properly yet? No.

Do I have the PIN for my card so I can use it at an ATM? No.

US --

has Experian resolved all the problems with my credit report? Dunno (nor can I as the responses can't be accessed from outside the US)

has my bank fixed details it got from Experian that were wrong? No

Have all my bank accounts been transferred properly? No.

Has Verizon contacted me to discuss why their system isn't working properly? No.

Free floating (Israel):

Do I know when I'm getting my stuff, and how much extra it will cost me? No.

Do I have a clue about what I'm teaching, how or where? No.

Am I getting paid at all? No idea.

Is my AC still spitting out black stuff? Yes.

What scares me is that these are just the things I can recall off the top of my head.

Amiss is as good as a quote

One of the things I do in my spare time is write. In fact, right now, I am writing. Well, by "right now" I mean "when I'm writing" but not necessarily the "right now" when you are reading. That's a different "right now" which I like to call "then."

My writing is often presented online, or at least saved in clouds and takes a few different forms: these free-wheeling streams of semi-consciousness; poetry; mad random statements, jokes, and musings; notes I leave for myself to remind me to do stuff or remember stuff; and shopping lists. Especially shopping lists. Oxford semi-colon ftw.

My writing is generally rife with what people think of as "errors." Often, yes, typos creep in on little cat feet. I don't often copyread or proofedit what spills out of my brain. But sometimes, those "errors" are just me being my voice (and voice versa).

I was scrolling through The Facebook recently and saw my feed littered with ads encouraging me to sue someone if my content has been scraped and used for training AI. For a split moment, I considered taking the click-rage-greed-bait and seeing if I could get something for the nothings I post in various places. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't want to cash in on something which took little effort and has little inherent value to anyone? Sign me up and give me my money, right?

No. Wrong. That's dumb and I'll tell you why (and AI can misquote me on this). We set words free into the universe all the time and we hope (and pray for those theists out there) that they have an effect on others that smacks of training. I speak to people using proper grammar because the more people hear things said properly, the more chance there is that they will start using proper structure in their own speech (a guy can dream, can't he? Did I mention "dream"? No? OK, hope, pray, dream. Now make me a shirt and send me money).

Surely, I pity the AI that tries to learn a durn thing about English by reading my poetry. But what about one that uses these blog posts to hone its mastery of English and human-speak? Still a fairly bad idea. Sort of.

If my friendly neighborhood LLM is looking at combinations of words, then, sure, use my combinations to muck up your algorithm. I'm fine with that. Do you really want an LLM to use the phrase "you can misquote me on that"? Cuz that's what I wrote. And if the AI sees it enough, its token value will increase making it more likely (even if still unlikely) that it will appear in an AI written piece and an actual human will say "um...dude, that's not how that works." And you can misquote me on that.

Just for the record, my English skills are not bad. When I want to, I can speak and write coherently and properly. It isn't nearly as much fun, but I can put on my brave teacher face and check my work and come out with a cogent and well-phrased argument. Boring but true.

So if the AI is being trained on the basics of sentence structure, then, hey, go right ahead and scrape away. I WANT you to scrape me (baby). Bend me, scrape me any way you want me (h/t The American Breed). That's how people learn when you speak to them in person. They scrape what you say and use it to train themselves in how people speak. The descriptive sense is very important. So why would I mind? If I don't mind when people listen to me speak and improve their speaking or writing (and, dare I say, critical thinking) because of what I said, why should I care that the learner is not human? I tried to train my cat and she was not even totally human either.

What I have written does have a form of implicit copyright, but the words don't. The particular order of them does but most of the combinations of phrases are common. And the uncommon ones won't be of use to anyone else. Also, please remember that many people out there don't have the command of English that I have, so anything scraping their writing is drinking poisoned water (I was going to write "poissoned water" but my reference to statistics would be fishy). Learning from everyone will lead to learning wrong things as well as right. Not the best choice IMHO.

So attention all AI types. Come on, use me more, I like it (h/t Silverchair and a heckuva song btw). Real humans can incorporate voice and also judge, based on the vagaries of the moment, when NOT to incorporate a distinctive voice. That's called judgment and that's what the AI doesn't have yet -- discernment.

And you can misquote me on that.

Week three and the anecdotes

1. Today's tasks centered around uploading documents. There are 2 separate places in which I have found an interface for uploading certain documents. Neither one works very well. Consistency! I also shared my screen with my aliyah coordinator who isn't the same as my aliyah advisor. Or the third person with whom I have a mystery appointment this week. But even then, I might have to fold in an entirely separate government office because, hey, why shouldn't I?

2. Confession time -- last week I had to be passive aggressive and I felt sick about it for the rest of the day and into the next day. I isn't my style and while it might have gotten stuff done, it isn't who I am and I don't want to be someone who routinely uses it to negotiate the ebb and flow of business around here. The real problem is that the same people to whom I was P/A last week are still (maybe) playing me this week. Is it possible that my appointment was cancelled 10 minutes after it was to start for purely innocent reasons? Maybe. Or maybe it is all just another power play. So now I'm busy judging people and that can't be good for me either.

3. Nothing is parallel to anything, at least in terms of streets. Occasionally streets run next to each other but that's just a capricious exigency. Don't count on it to help you get your bearings. Remember, everything is close to everything, but nothing is close to anything.

4. Israel's favorite shape is the circle. Person one refers you to person two, who says that the real expert is person three. Person three says that you need to ask person 1. Repeat. and using the required form on a website, I filed a paper with a company to show I was eligible for something. They respond by saying "what are you talking about." When I reply, they say, "oh, ok -- but you have to file the paper through this email." And now we wait.

5. After my time in Israel, my body is changing and I feel like a kid again - acne is breaking out, my lactose intolerance is back and I'm covered in mosquito bites.

6. My doctors appointment was at 10.45. I showed up early. The confirmation page said that the clinic was in the first floor, room 207. I came in and went up to the first floor. I didn't see room 207 but I was early. Do I check in with someone? So I took a number (popular in many offices, not just delis). It confirmed the appointment time. At 10.45 I worked up the nerve to ask if I should just walk into the Dr's office. The woman looked at the slip and said, "oh you have an appointment with a doctor!" I said yes and she then threw a Dr's name at me -- a name which I had not memorized and practiced saying a thousand times. I said, no, Dr Beilin. She didn't seem to understand. We went back and forth until she finally understood (I have a very strong non-Israeli accent so I actually pronounce words clearly...that must have thrown her off) and said I had to go to the office on the second floor, room 218. I said, the web page said 207 but by then she had lost interest. I went upstairs and was told to go to room 218. Yay, webpage confirmation. I walked to 218 and knocked. The Dr was in there with someone else so I sat in the chairs out side. At 10.58, the person with the ticket number before me was called in so maybe he is running 15 minutes late. The woman walked out only 5 minutes later but then the person with the ticket number after mine was called in. But he didn't move. I sat there, wondering what to do but then my number was called so I went in before the other guy had second thoughts. The doctor was very nice, asked good questions and explained a lot. Of course, most zoomed right out of my head, but he took down my prescriptions. By the end of our conversation (and it wasn't short, so that's nice) I had a prescription for my medicine and a prescription for routine blood work.  Down to the pharmacy I went, and I took a number. I was called and I handed over the prescription paper. She asked for my card (Arabic tinged Hebrew is even harder for me) and then filled my prescription while I waited. Instead of a bottle of pills, counted out to match the prescription, she filled a bag with boxes and containers which should add up to the number of pills I need. I don't know, but it is a lot of little boxes (11, in fact). She explained that one of them could only be filled for a month and I would have to come back to get the rest. I think that's ok, but I'm not 100% sure. I'll find out in the month. And I don't know how to refill the prescriptions. I also (finally) was able to buy calamine lotion (behind the counter...the only stuff not behind the counter seemed to be skin care, feminine hygiene and nursing stuff). I got home via an overly expensive coffee ($6.66 for a large black decaf which wasn't especially large) and painted the town pink. Maybe I can sleep tonight.

7. Very often, you (well, I) don't know how much things cost. I just put my credit card in and then take it out. No receipt, no confirmation of cost. I can see how people go in to debt.

8. I have done something I told myself I wouldn't do -- I bought something that I know I have coming on the lift because I need it sooner. I am aware that my sneakers are falling apart but so far, I have been able to avoid the expense of new ones with a judicious application of super glue. Is this a long term solution? Clearly not but I'll keep trying to avoid doubling up on stuff and spending money for the privilege. However, super glue, the answer to many of life's difficulties, can't clean my floors. So now I will have 2 broom/dustpan combos. Milchig and Fleishig maybe.

9. My foray back to the absorption office was quick and confusing. The woman who stamps documents agreed to stamp my BA and transcript (which, if you recall, she had said she didn't need). I asked her whereto submit my licenses which she stamped. Her response was two fold. First, she explained that she only stamped them in case it might help me get a job, and that she explained this to me last week. To quote the ever quotable Gary Gulman, "yeah...no." That's the kind of detail I would remember, and she didn't say it. This also ignores the fact that there is an entire department supposedly checking licenses (though they haven't answered my email inquiry about the process). Second, se said I could go back to the offices across the street from me and they will upload everything. I'm not so sure, as they told me to go to you, and when I worked with my rep over zoom she conceded that she had no solution for how to upload certain documents. The runaround is so substantial that I get my daily steps without ever having to leave my apartment.

Stay tuned for upcoming adventures like "A/C repair, episode 2" and "I have to buy a step stool" and, of course, "The whole job thing."

week 2, advice

 continued

1. Just because the road is one way doesn't mean there won't be cars coming from the other way

2. Just because an area is a pedestrian walkway doesn't mean there won't be cars

3. Yeah, no, that road is closed today and maybe tomorrow. Or not.

4. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- Israelis don't know how to set up properly laid out/constructed websites

5. Here's a quick guide for dealing with the US (East Coast) while trying to get things done here: You have (at best) between 3PM and 4:30PM (IST) to get things done. Before that, it isn't yet 8AM in the US. After that it is generally not business hours in Israel. There is a little flexibility as some offices in the US open earlier and some businesses here (depending on the day) might close earlier or later. Sapiens sat.

6. Hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol are behind the pharmacy counter. My sister warned me of this but I, being a dutiful older brother, did not heed her wise words.

7. the plugs in your place are all the Type C (2 prong) or H (3 prong) but it looks like small digital clocks no longer use either of those and if they plug in at all, it is to a USB A wall plug. Maybe a USB C but I'm not sure about that. So unless you are in a place that has integrated USB into the wall plugs, you will need to buy an adapter. Or battery power, which I hate.

8. What they call a credit card (from whomever you get it) isn't a credit card. It is a bank-debit card, but it removes the money from your bank account at the end of the billing cycle. You might end up spending a lot more and you won't run out of "credit" because they don't add it up and compare it to your account balance until the end of the month. If you have multiple cards, they draw directly from the bank. Sure, you don't have to worry about paying a bill because the money is applied directly, but you have no way of knowing how "close" you are to your account balance until the end of the month.

9. You don't need as many clothes as you think you do -- washing machines are smaller so you will do loads more often. 

10. Bring twist ties. When I collected all the assorted twist ties I had lying around it numbered in the hundreds. So I threw them out. Huge mistake. Trust me. If you don't need them, I do.

11. This item will be discussed in a separate post which will be posted before this one. So if you are reading this, go back in time and read the other post, then come back here. Thanks.

12, If you go to a catered event, you still have to tip your waiter. Really. 

13. I don't know where you grew up, but I am used to having access to a car or not needing to go anywhere. a walk of a mile or two is considered no big deal so looking for some place "close" might mean something very different. And the hills. Everywhere is up. 

14. Building numbers are not always apparent and even less often, logical.

15. To pay for public transport, you need to get a Rav kav card or set up the moovit app to charge your credit card. I have a card but just set up the app and haven't tested it yet. Once I fail at that, I shall report back.

16. A4 is the paper size. Get used to slight longer and slightly thinner. Like life.

17. Even if you give a particular address, if your building has 2 different addresses, the delivery guy will go to the other, less convenient one.

18. Arnona is a neighborhood and also your "property tax". And a dessert topping, no doubt. Did I mention that neighborhoods have more than one name? Well they do. Renters pay an arnona even though they don't own property. It isn't cheap. So when you figure out your rent, realize that your monthly cost will be larger because you have to pay the arnona. It can be paid in a lump sum or in monthly installments.

19. I have yet to find anything that resembles a dry cleaner. Just saying.

20. Here's a good one -- I usually (clearly, "used to") send my shirts to be laundered at the dry cleaners and they were returned on hangars. I accumulated so many hangars and worked hard to get rid of them. Well, since no dry cleaners here I'll launder my own shirts. But I have no hangars on which to dry them. So, yeah. Hangars. Bam.

21. I don't know where you live but there is construction there. 

This one goes to 11

 Sometimes when I'm trying to get a handle on the whole aliyah thing, I reach levels of self awareness which should be saved for a therapist appointment. But as I, as of yet, don't have a therapist, you all will have to do.

I think that an important part of growing up is reaching an understanding of the self. This isn't about giving up, but about working within reasonable limits and being aware enough of one's own strengths and weaknesses. I'm very much aware of those. So let's discuss the implications, shall we.

When I was a just a little boy, I, as part of a larger family unit, lived in Jerusalem. I was 7-ish and trusted that the world made sense. Then one day, through no fault of anyone's I found out that there were more rules than I knew and I ended up on a public bus headed for Tel Aviv. That was not my plan, but the bus and I diverged on other important points, so this makes sense. Eventually, I was returned to my parents but I have been skittish about public transportation ever since. And truth be told, I probably was before hand also. I think that others, faced with the same fact pattern might have responded differently but since I was already predisposed to living life in fear, this just made it all seem so much worse. In the US, I rarely took trains, and almost never took buses. I get nervous. Heck, I get nervous when the timer goes off on the microwave, but this was on another level. So was it caused by my childhood experience of just exacerbated by it?

That fear/anxiety is a pervasive characteristic. I fear getting lost, I fear the judgment of all people who look at me as lost and see another idiot. I fear ending up somewhere unknown. Now my kids are fearless and maybe this is a function of the ubiquitous phone service but I just never was the type to go explore the unknown. It isn't a singular concept -- I don't have a brain for math, or geography or spatial relations (as it applies to geography) and I have never been good about remembering names and details and learning a language has always been a chore that I found it easier to fail at than not. I was just never wired for that. As an adult, these same issues shadow me constantly but instead of totally freezing up, I live within my limits and accommodate them when I over-plan. Spontaneity has never been my thing because I like to have control over situations and to prepare for the worst. I don't think this has put too much of a hold on the important things I have wanted to do. I just approach them differently and process them differently.  I do have strengths but part of being a good teacher is realizing that I can't expect others to agree that some things are easy just because they are easy for me.

And now, as I approach my 50-somethingth year, I also know that any neuroplasticity which I might have had as a youngster has long since hardened. I am working hard to maintain my failing grasp on the things I know how to do. Adding in more just isn't in the cards and I'm ok with that. Does this mean I can't learn something new? Well, this old dog has no interest in new tricks but I can form new habits as long as I'm mindful and aware of what I'm doing all the time. It is a grind, but I have to create new pathways and burn them in via constant repetition. This takes work. So I need to be very conscious about what new things I am focusing on. Gone are the days of passive absorption. Any "growing" at this age is really intentional and not by osmosis.

Moving, as you could well imagine, is a big deal for anyone, but moreso for someone with my limitations. But moving to Israel includes any number of triggering challenges. My language acquisition is for the birds (uhmerikin birds, thankyouverymuch), and learning where things are and how they are connected to other places is a double problem. Mix those together and add in that bus routes change at the drop of a jackhammer and street names change on the fly (and buildings have more than one address?) and you have a whole lotta mental shaking going on. Also, my temperament guides me away from human interaction in order to protect my fragile ego. I don't like looking the fool by not being able to communicate. And don't get me started on confrontation. Please. I just want to sit back and expect that things will go forward in a predictable fashion and in a proper way. These are also traits often absent from the "live in Israel" experience.

Change and growth are a process and I grant that I cannot blunder blindly ahead using my American standards and privilege and expect the world to bow to my whim. I would like it if there was a bit more of a less severe learning curve, and more explanation of various steps along the way. (take classes to learn the language but to do so, fill out forms that require you know the language already) It seems that people expect me automatically to know things as some sort of common sense even though there is no rational reason to expect that I would. And maybe people who are more "go with it" types can pick up stuff quickly but that's not my strength and it isn't suddenly andmiraculously going to become my strength. It isn't that I don't want to know all the things but that the volume of unwritten rules is rather extensive and until I know them, I just don't, and in the meanwhile, life goes on, expecting me to know all those things.

There are things to do and ways to do them. Knowing either of those is a challenge but knowing both is the kind of combination that isn't happening for me. In a culture which expresses frustration freely and rewards aggressiveness in communication, I'm cooked. 

There are groups and publications that give out info and help and such and I'm not decrying them. I'm just saying that in addition to each person's experience's being different, each person is different and what makes sense or is easy for one person is a very big ask for someone else. This is not a cop out, or a sign of complete resignation, but an admission of who I am and what I am capable of, each step of the way.

So, at the tender age of mid to late 50's, I accept that I understand spoken Hebrew to some degree, but I don't have the vocabulary or mental quickness to respond in kind, and my brain, while it will eventually pick up some more words and phrases, is not going to learn the language the way it did in 1976. And while I'm learning, I'm still going to have to use various translation methods to make the most mundane spam (or it might be a necessary document for my job) become intelligible, and that will slow me down by a factor of about a million (I just spent 10 minutes figuring out how to get some AI thing to translate an image/sign I got in my mail. Finally I found out that there is no reason it was sent to me; it often takes time for me to understand the email header so every email in Hebrew seems vitally important and I can't reflexively delete any).

I now return you to item 12 on my list.

The Wording Way

 I enjoy sleeping but sometimes I forget how and these last few days have 12 to 13 of these times. The good thing about not sleeping is that my brain has all those extra hours to just keep scraping the bottom of the barrel so I end up with thoughts that maybe would have been better served being forgotten. But no, I unlock the back rooms of my brain when I lack the sleep that my brain needs to exercise any judgment or self-control. So don't say I didn't warn you. OK, say it. Who cares? I'm practically a zombie at this point except I can't stomach brains, or vice versa.

I was thinking about a phrase I hear bandied about -- history doesn't repeat itself but it rhymes (attributed variously to Mark Twain and y'know, that guy who wrote about Tom Sawyer, whatever his name is). So I got to thinking, sure, it rhymes, but with what? Mystery? Blistery? Are these things that history should be proud of? And so what if it rhymes with "blistery"? What does that get anyone?

But then I started considering that category of words that do not have rhymes. I felt bad about that -- why deprive them? All those words like month, purple, silver, orange, ninth, pint, wolf, opus, dangerous, marathon and discombobulate, they must be lonely. I bet they have some sort of support group to help them cope. And then, when someone comes up with a potential rhyme, the word feels seen, and doesn't show up to the next meeting. Invariably he comes back when the public decides that nurple isn't really a word; purple slinks back to the group session with all the other words saying nothing but silently scolding him for holding out that phantom hope, secretly glad he came back in a jealous way. And he knows. He knows.

Do words with rhymes (the "benefits" of the dictionary set include rhyming groups) bully words without rhymes? That seems mean. What lesson are we teaching our kids? Check your privilege!

Those words, as I see it, are the prime numbers of the rhyming world. They rhyme with nothing but themselves and the number one. I wonder if there is a similar formula so that scientists can compute  then next prime word in the sequence. If there isn't, someone should invent that and win the Nobel Prize for lexical mathematics (a sadly under-rated field usually only represented by Gematria nerds).

Learning by doing

 So today was another opportunity for me to assess local culture an practices while spending a lot of money at the same time. Like doing psychology field work by buying expensive perfumes and seeing their effect on teen aged boys. Or something like that. My head is a bit fuzzy and for a bald guy, that's a thing to think about. The jet lag, mixed well with some free floating anxiety and who knows what else inspired me (by lack of choice) to pull an all-nighter last night. I used to do that weekly in college but I sense something in me has changed and pulling an all-nighter has an impact on me which makes me even more unfit for human interaction.

So, first, an addendum to the previous post about what I learned. Here is a new one:

I don't know where you live but there is construction right by you. And there will be at least one, if not twelve road closures unadvertised, prompting cars to make K turns in a country in which people clearly don't know the shape of the letter K.

But I gress. It isn't a hill I'll di on.

My sister in law and my niece came over today for a tour of the apartment. That took the whole 2 minutes (we saw one room twice) and then they took me on an outing. First we went to a very local patisserie where I got a cup of cold decaf (2nd time's a charm...first time they put milk in it) and there were cheeses, cappuccino, rolls and eggs and olives and caramel and some sort of spreadable cheese. Heidi added some pepper to her eggs, and an insane woman came by (we were eating outside) and said unspeakable things about me and my family, but always with a smile. So that was fun.

Then we went to Osher Ad, the supermarket.  Step one was to walk to the car and leave the parking lot. We had to wait as the woman in front of us was clearly having an extended relationship with the computer system that controlled the gate. Eventually it was our turn to get frustrated at an inanimate object. Then off to the land of make bereave. The cultural differences started appearing. First, there is so much construction going on and the roads, congested 2.5 lane roads, are everywhere making all driving, and especially left turns, harrowing. If you don't know what .5 of a lane is, you haven't watched Israeli drivers. Next, parking -- the underground lot wasn't a "rows and aisles" kind of place. In the same way that the streets of Jerusalem are winding and interwoven, the passages in the lot were seemingly random. Next, the shopping carts have all four wheels that can turn, so that's neat. But for each step of shopping, you need to be on the lookout for pitfalls and obstacles. My niece was adept and the prep, knowing to get a scanner and a cart with a scanner-holder. I wouldn't have had any idea about scanners, but here is the dealio: Most (younger?) scan each item as it goes into the cart, and take the scanner up with the cart to the self-checkout area, place the cart on the scale and somehow mind-meld the scanner with the scale so see if the weight corresponds to the receipt. We were off by 1 liter of milk which I had forgotten to scan in. It is a very different set of muscle movements -- you don't just find something and put it in your cart -- you have to stop and scan it first, and let me tell you, that if you aren't used to doing it, you forget really easily. My niece had to keep reminding me and I felt like a tool most of the time because I had no idea what I was doing. I pestered them with questions.

Side note, older people use the regular check out but the cashiers are not always focused on the job and the older people get preference on line so if you are waiting and a senior citizen shows up, you get pushed back.

Then you go through the store which seems more like a Target (in terms of the breadth of things available and the layout of aisles) than a Shop Rite. Thing is, I really, really understand Shop Rite. I know what are good prices and preferred products. Here, the sizes are different, the currency is worth a different amount and the price-per 100 ml, or 1 kg or 100 g or whatever is unfamiliar. [I asked a student to make an app which would allow me to compare across units of measure and currencies. I didn't use it in the store because there was too much demanding my attention. But here it is.] So the task is to figure out you would have bought in the US, find what is the closest equivalent is to it (some times and some stores have American items available but those often cost more) and then compare prices per unit. This requires reading the signs and  figuring out what I'm looking for. There is an entirely new set of words that I will need n order to buy the basics and I don't know most of those words. So the shopping is very slow and I have to consider if I want to buy something now or next week, if I want to have to carry that in and up the stairs, or if a difference in quality is worth the difference in price. Each is a unique decision. In many areas, the aisles feel a little closer together and people will scoot around you, cut you off and bump into you (with shopping carts). And also with their cars. Just saying.

I'm the sensitive sort, willing to defer, willing to help and make others' live easier. Which makes me the national mascot, the Door Mat.  Every decision is involved in a game of chicken. I feel I hyperventilated only 3 times so that's make "before." Let's see if, in a year, I do so less often.

And if you buy meat, you have to choose it, put it on a scale, scan it with the special meat scanner, then print up a receipt and scan it with your shopping cart-scanner. Had they not have been there to save my facon, I don't know how I would have figured most of this out. They warned me that buying fresh vegetables would lead to a separate process so I made the sacrifice of not buying produce that was not in cube or powder form. Gosh I'm altruistic.

The general avoidance of things that smack of courtesy made me want to overcompensate by being more amenable an forgiving. This causes me frustration but, I hope, reduces it for others. That attitude is why I was voted "Most likely to shut the hell up" 6 years running, and running fast.

Heidi and B-7 were invaluable in knowing whether the prices are reasonable and whether certain brands or products were desirable or junk. I took their various advices seriously because I really do know that I don't know. I don't know WHAT I don't know, but there is definitely a lot of somethings. More sage niece advice about needing to go through a post-checkout payment at a kiosk that has space for your scanner or else you get stuck. After the maze of the store and the guys checking receipts and people stopping mid aisle to pack their carts (sorry about that to everyone behind me) you go up these magnetic ramps with your cart held in place and go to your car (making your parking choice important) and you pack up and return the cart so you get your money back. I'm glad they had change for the cart. If I remember correctly, you get the first 2 hours of parking free and then costs accrue. On the way out, more construction, more horrible traffic and wild drivers and closed roads (plus one that was one lane wide (with cars parked on both sides) and 2 directional traffic. Just getting back seemed like a nightmare. But my niece helped me move my bags up and then I started my list of things I still need:

decaf tea bags

hydrogen peroxide

rubbing alcohol

bedside digital clocks

plus I need to go to the bank and pick up my Israeli credit card. You can tell it is Israeli because the card asks you if you packed your own shopping cart.

It is overwhelming and on no sleep, over that. I ended up spending a reasonable amount of money for what turned out to be 4 bags worth of food and food stuffs.

I am indebted to my SIL and niece for shepherding me through the experience, and now I feel comfortable never going back. I call that a success, at least until I get hungry again.

Things I have learned -- week one

1. Everything is smaller here. The oven is smaller. The streets are smaller. The sizes of foods are smaller. It reflects one's paycheck which is also smaller.

2. pride in workmanship is less stressed here. Even a very nice and updated apartment shows signs of corner cutting -- things that don't quite fit, or close or make sense. Here a punch list is the things you will have to live with going forward.

3. The attitude in bureaucratic situations is "this is the answer and if you have a follow up question, I will repeat my answer as I yell at you."

4. People in offices assume you know what to do next even when you have said you don't. I explained that I needed to register with the HMO so they said "ok, go over there" -- that was the language: "over there". Not exactly where or what I was going to do there. I wandered over to an area included in "over there" and so no sign telling me if I was supposed to do something or if I was in the wrong place. The screens that were supposed to give information weren't. Maybe I'm just too needy, but if they see I'm lost, someone should provide assistance. I ended up being directed by another patient.

5. There are a lot of cooks working on the broth, often from different cook books.

6. This is more of a selfish point, but if you are going to offer study materials to help people learn the language, put them on a web page which can appear in OTHER languages. If I need help to study it means I don't know enough to negotiate the webpage.

7. There is a LOT of 2-Factor authentication. 

8. Different people have different terms for the same thing/document so when someone asks you for something, you might have it but not know it. I was asked for a document proving X. I didn't have anything like that but I eventually found the document which stated Y, and Y was different from X so the woman said, "yes that's it!"

9. Everyone thinks he knows how to do everyone else's job. Often, while sitting at a meeting, I am asked for document X. I say "the other person didn't give me that document." The answer is "that person SHOULD have..."

10. Just because you have a US phone number doesn't mean that you can necessarily call the US and just because you have your American phone on local wifi doesn't mean you can access all the US websites (Verizon, I'm looking at you). As of now, I can't get in touch with Verizon or look at my account online or on the app. Audacy and IheartRadio don't work here for radio stations (even with VPN) but go to the WQXR website and you can stream classical music.

10a. So far, FM 88 is the only station worth listening to.

11. Keep a log of every meeting and phone interaction including action points, remaining issues and next steps. I did not do that -- I left myself a note saying I needed to get a particular document. I got it but now don't remember why I needed it and for whom I got it.

12. For a country with such a strong ethic of not jaywalking, people really misbehave in a movie theater. Talking, laughing and such, walking in late and standing in the middle, looking around, plus not only using the phone but having that light-flashing notification on the phones which keeps flashing throughout the movie. Also, just because your tickets says you are in seat 6, if you don't get there early enough, someone is going to sit in your seat and not move.

13. The English version of a website (not just a translation on your computer, but the English version offered by the source) is not always (read "rarely") the same as the Hebrew one so if you get directions from an Israeli they might not be possible to follow on the English site. This seems like a problem to me.

14. You get a LOT of filler text messages in some cases (buying a movie ticket leads to many texts and emails but not just ads -- reminders of the upcoming film start time) but no communication or updates on important things.

15. You know how you were squished on the flight? Get used to it. Everything is smaller (including stores) so forget about personal space (and baseline courtesy). This is difficult for me as I was brought up deferring to others until it was my turn. It will never be my turn.

16. When you walk into a building, there is a reasonable chance that you are on Floor 0. Not floor 1, but floor zero. Go downstairs to floor -1. People in the basement really do live in minus.

17. For the Ministry of the Interior, you can make an appointment for an exact time or you can get an appointment made for you by a Jerusalem municipality rep with whom you will meet. A 3PM appointment means that you are in the 3PM group. The doors won't open until three and then you go up 2 flights and wait with the 3PM people until you are called. You can't arrive early and you don't have anything more than a group appointment and then whichever cubicle you are sent to.

18. The Ministry of the Interior wants originals AND COPIES. I don't have a copy machine. Advice -- take all your important documents (apostille'd ones) and make photocopies and bring them.

19. You will need 2 passport pictures for the Temporary booklet at the airport but you can't use more of those pictures at the ministry -- they take their own.

20. For some reason, I was asked for 2 "security documents." I had the apostille'd FBI background check and I know nothing of any other but the woman seemed certain that I was supposed to have another. She got up to go "check." This brings up a different point -- even though people are sincere in wanting to help, they aren't always flexible or able to pivot, or show any empathy for the fact that you (well, I) are new to all this, nervous and just following a list given to me elsewhere. None mentioned 2 security documents. There are other documents you will get at the airport. Save and bring everything because they will ask for other documents and tell you you don't need the ones you brought.

20a. As soon as anything presents a bump, even if it is something which you were not told to be ready for, people act like it is the newest and worst thing, ever. I can't have been the first immigrant to sit in that chair with only 1 security document but she seemed perplexed as to why I only had 1 and troubled by it so she had to get up and check.

21. Everything takes two tries but sometimes, each try takes 25 tries.

22. Age is no barrier to wearing inappropriate clothing. Both 6 year olds and 75 year olds want to look like 19 year olds.

23. Pack a printer and some paper and lots of manilla folders. This place loves printed documents.

Ulpan Pizza

As I begin to settle in I am confronting my own inability to speak Hebrew. I understand it at the level of a 10 year old (if you speak slowly enough) but I really feel horrible speaking it. Everyone (well, many people) says that you have to feel comfortable making mistakes because that's how you will get better. My concern is grammar and vocabulary. I don't have the lexicon of words to communicate the invariably bizarre  ideas running through my head. I don't know the idioms or the slang so I'm afraid I will say something egregiously wrong. Had my kid not corrected me about the different connotations of various words that we learned to mean "finish" I would have been making lewd comments to everyone simply because in my many years of education, no one accounted for the evolution of normative language.

So the solution might be simply to tough it out, make my mistakes, own them, and learn to speak. My other option is to remain pig-headed about it; I will understand what I understand and adamantly refuse to speak, justifying it as more efficient (in an area where Israelis know some English -- more than I know Hebrew) and as an educational experience for THEM -- practicing English with a native speaker. I should be passing out a bill for services rendered when I give them practice time.

However, I have come up with a new method which can benefit the entire community of Hebrew learners (and even of Israeli learners of English). People here go out to eat. That's a thing people do. Some restaurants are more popular with English speaking people than others because of the ease of ordering in a native language. I would suggest that a group which provides Ulpan classes (an immersive Hebrew classroom experience) partners with a restaurant to post signs as follows:

food items (such as on a menu, at a salad bar, or a fixings area) are labeled in English, Hebrew (and possibly transliterated into English as well?) and either posted on/behind the counter, or printed in a menu addendum. There would be properly worded common phrases that an English speaker can use with the confidence that they are vetted by the Israelis so there is little fear of saying them wrong. I am thinking of a sign with the proper and current way of ordering a food ("I would like a ______ with _____..."). Now, remember, different restaurants have different workers who might expect a slang or more "vulgar" wording (eliminating "I want" because when you walk into a pizzeria you just say "one slice" and not the more formal "I would like...") so one would become accustomed to different wordings, all acceptable. These conversational phrases IN USE are much more relevant to invented and sanitized workbook scenarios. A person might return to a restaurant to get more comfortable with ordering so the venue increases traffic, and the Ulpan service gets a reputation for teaching practical Hebrew and being Ulpan friendly.

The signs could be temporary so the restaurant could have "Ulpan night" or the signs could just be part of the decor so that no one has to feel awkward about having to order on any day of the week. We learn by repetition and having these phrases available during the repetition will help engrain them in our heads so after a few meals, we can order (at least at THAT place) comfortably in Hebrew.

Additional idea -- on Ulpan Night, the consumer can expect that the workers will respond in a simplified and slower Hebrew so that one has time to consider and respond properly.

Repentance

 Please let me be the first to usher us all into the high holiday season with a thought about repentance. I have come up with an understanding which strengthens me in my yearly quest to improve and I'd like to share it with you.

I was sitting at my computer while eating a sandwich. My wardrobe was pretty much boring. A worn out, dark blue 3 button polo and black khaki pants of an indeterminate cut, waist or size. Athletic fit with a history of husky, I think. The sandwich was a whole wheat roll with some slices of slow roast turkey topped with yellow mustard. Boring, sure, but I was on the move and had to travel light* so turkey and not much else with a cuppa water on the side. It gave me time to sit, stare off into the dust over the Keurig and let my mind drift and at that moment I felt something end up on my leg, as if my sandwich had somehow released something onto me. Jarred back to reality, I looked down to see a glob of mustard. Big glob. Yellow mustard on my pants. These weren't my old knock around black khakis. Now, these were a recent purchase and I manipulated the wear/laundry cycle so that this particular pair could serve as the "day before" pants -- second place over all but no one was going to catch "traditional khaki" and maybe no one ever should.

So I grab the nearest semi clean paper napkin and smear right across it. Some sticks, some doesn't and some even smears, making it worse. So you wipe some more. You try different things. In similar situations, this worked. Maybe, this. And sometimes one DOES. But the next time and the next, it doesn't. You keep trying.

That's teshuva. We want to get back to that perfect "new" pair of black khakis so we try to fix and we do get a good percentage done on the first pass. But sometimes, fixing one thing has consequences that also have to be considered. And maybe we have stop-gap measures or we cover it up but eventually we are going to have to go to a place with more resources and other people who can help. Expand the time frame  -- immediately after something has happened we take care of most. Is that in the first moment or the first year? Daily repentance might get the spot fully clean or it might get an "it isn't perfect but I appreciate the work you did to get it to this point". But we also have special days at fixed intervals, we use the laundry machine or go to the dry cleaner. Different methods, same goal, all reflect effort. In every prayer and with every prayer we show intent, scratching at some corner before it becomes a stain.

And me? I'm not the same guy. I see the stain everywhere. I regret the decision to eat. I curse how distracted I was -- not that there isn't time for that but this wasn't it. And if the next time I wear clothes, I pay a little more attention, then that might not wipe the stain away, but it will show that you know how to keep yourself clean.

So we wipe ourselves clean after every meal with our prayers and the pants stay almost sort of kind of not unlike the black khakis that I love so much that I named them. I chose the name "Mick". If you were expecting anything else, maybe YOU are the problem. Anyhoo, teshuva is a steps-forward-steps-back kind of thing that we're all always doing, and we get so distracted that we forget that we need to keep our eyes open. It is a process not a place; there is no there there; it's all always here. The pants DO get cleaner on the whole and maybe they even get them back to the closest they can get to new, but what matters is that every attempt was a sincere attempt to get them clean. Maybe there's a stain on them, maybe not. Maybe it is one only I see. But I'll never stop trying to make it better.

Maybe I'm not the perfect Jew I was but I try every day to be as Jewish as I can be.

We can get credit for a job well done, or a job done well, or even a job well, "done." Or even just for showing up for work.

*as those of you who know me and my history know, there are other reasons for the beef based confusion which explains my poorest of poor boys but that's a story for another story 

Religious Kindness

 I have been thinking about kindness recently. How can we raise a generation which will have a normalized sense of kindness? For whom thinking of the feelings of another is second nature? I think that Judaism does something like that by teaching certain strange things.

Should we be kind to people? Sure, but halacha doesn’t start or stop there. Consider the laws of shilu’ach hakein (sending away a mother bird when raiding a nest for its eggs) and even oto v’et b’no, the law forbidding slaughtering a mother and child cow on the same day. These are designed to rein in the cruelty element of our nature and recognize how our actions have impact on other things.

Sure, you say, other things…like cows and birds? Well, if we codify concern over the feelings of animals, then we will become used to considering how our actions might cause pain to other people. Even the notion of shechting (and tza’ar ba’alei Chayim on the whole) is about reducing strain and pain for the animal. Why should we care? Kill the animal and be done with it, right? Some things gotta get et. But then I think back to The Frisco Kid in which the inimitable Gene Wilder says, while chasing a chicken (and I paraphrase) “I don’t want to hurt you, I just want to eat you.” This would be the exact moment when kindness should not matter – when I want to use a resource that God provided, I still have to recognize its inherent soul and feelings and I have to be kind even while do what could easily become a cruel exercise of power.

But Judaism takes it a step further. On Friday nights, when we set the shabbat table, we put the challah on the table first and then we cover it before pouring the wine. Ask any 2^nd grader why, and he or she will probably mention some notion of “so that, when we make the blessing over the wine first, the bread won’t be shamed – placed first but eaten second.” I learned that when I was little and, admittedly, I never looked it up to see if there is a source but as I grew older, I realized that the story is weird. Does my challah have feelings? And not just the basic perception of pain when I cut it, but an embarrassment at a perceived slight or social faux pas!

But if we teach children this lesson before they have the sensibility to look at it and say “wait, what?” then we will accustom them to considering, even in their intentional and proper acts with supposedly inanimate objects, that there is a power we have, a power to hurt even when we don’t want to. We teach care and care leads to kindness. We need to say thank you to automatic doors. We need to avoid knocking over the traffic cone. We need to see that we share our space with “things” and our responsibility to be civil includes these things – not because they need it, but because we need to engrain positive habits into our every moment. Kindness must be intertwined into our being.

That said, I have also been wondering about a potential tension between two halachic mandates.

We have the idea of “dan l’chaf z’chut” – to judge favorably and assume the best, not worst in people or situations. Don’t jump to negative conclusions.

We also have the idea of “lo teetein michshol” don’t place a stumbling block before a blind person (don’t create an unfair challenge or a temptation which might lead someone else to doing something wrong or being unable to do something right).

Don’t they contradict? If I judge everyone favorably, then I will suspect no one a priori as being, for example a thief. But if I put all of the jewelry away before my guest arrives then I have decided that I’m worried she or he will be tempted to steal (which is not judging anyone favorably) so I remove the valuables so as to avoid creating a stumbling block which might entice people to sin.

So which is it? Do I think people are potential thieves or do I believe that people are good and won’t steal?

I’m sure that there are subtleties regarding the implementation of these broad rules and granular discussions about when each one applies and how, but the underlying thinking still lends itself to the question, do we think that the nature of mankind is inherently prone to fail (thus we don’t tempt) or prone to succeed (as we judge all people favorably). Are we being kinder by removing temptation or by assuming that people are good?

This does lead to the old medrashic concern about how kindness is not always expressed as niceness (one who is kind to the cruel will end up being cruel the kind). How do we teach that kindness is not in opposition to justice and not always synonymous with mercy?

No title for this one as I don't know what it is about

 for a long time the internet was the ultimate playground with its own social hierarchy and rules. And in it, way back when binary still had only 1, the nerd could be king. The one who was ostracized for playing with technology was unexpectedly ahead of a major curve so he becomes the expert and the role model for his 15 minutes. And in the online communities, the lone gun who can come in and settle a flame war with a single, silver tongued post, the guy so smooth when he sets a trap and shows the other guy is wrong - the virtual beat down. Knowledge rules and this is the nerd's home field. Trivia matters and finding stuff in the early, unsorted cloud was the skill native to growing up with a friend who is a librarian.

Search engines and GUIs tried to level the playing field. Once even the jerks have access to the compendium of all human knowledge that is the interwingle, even jerks can find-a-fact. But the finding isn't easy and the nerds still hold an advantage -- experience in negotiating search terms and communicating with the computer, a most trusted friend. As is always the case, the expert could still reign by knowing things on the assumption that not every analog memory has been digitized somewhere so that knowing defies www. But if something had to be found, it was the webizen who knew how to read the map.

Now AI makes us fake experts not in knowing, but in finding. Instead of pretending we found the facts when wikipedia found the facts, and then writing the paper we are now feeding the teacher's prompt into an AI interface and having the AI spit out the response. We pretend we even made an effort when in truth we didn't. In the earlier case, you walk away without the content knowledge needed to craft the paper. In the later case you walk away with no skill acquisition on any level.

I'm not saying that "no skill on any level" is necessarily bad, but I'd like a representative from the next generation(s) to defend it so I can hear the argument.

Reading right to wrong

 Here's some confusion to chew on. I will have to take a test to measure my proficiency in Hebrew. Fact is, I am very proficient in Hebrew as long as it is translated into English.

Part of any preparation is a review of the structure of a test. Here are some random snippets I have learned while researching the exam (all are quotes from websites and AI summaries but I added color):

"The YAEL test is approximately one and a half hours long and consists of three sections: the first three sections contain multiple-choice questions, and the fourth section is a writing task..."

It is a 3-part exam, each part allocated 20 minutes."

"The computerized YAELnet exam consists of two or three scored multiple-choice parts. Each part contains 22 questions and you are allotted 20 minutes to complete each one. Each question features four answer options."

"Grading the two multiple-choice sections used for scoring (out of three total sections)"

I have yet to figure out the Hebrew because I'm still wrestling with the English.

A Thought Question

 Here is some information about a hypothetical country that has these rules regarding religion.

"_____'s status as the state religion intertwines it directly with the political and legal systems through several key mechanisms:

The senior religious figures hold automatic, unelected seats in the government allowing them to vote on, debate, and amend all national legislation.

The ruling leader serves as the supreme religious figure and must be a ________ connected to the religious establishment, swearing an oath to maintain it.

Government Appointments: The Prime Minister advises the religious leader on the appointment of religious roles, giving the secular government an official role in religious leadership.

The religion's governing body, can pass measures that become national law, but these require formal approval from the secular branches of government "

Opinions about this intertwining? Is this some form of apartheid?

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Can anyone name the country? Mr. Mayor, I'm looking at you. 

The Zoomies

 We are living in an age of unfettered access to the entire compendium of human knowledge. If it is known, we can know it. And this is the problem because if it can't be known, we can also know it.

When knowledge is excised from context it becomes trivia or fiction. Or both.. Lost forests will end up with dead trees.

Context is the ultimate gatekeeper and we're lucky for it. Our brains slurp that up, establishing and testing patterns, strengthening some connections, weakening others. That web of silken thoughts helps hold us together.

But if that fourth Indiana Jones movie taught us anything, it is that without a filter or twelve, the overload of unsorted mass media input laughs at any attempt of a reasonable sense ratio. We are drinking from a fire hose and expecting to emerge somehow better off for the experience. You can't suddenly know the universal everything without your head exploding. Facts.

Judgement, we hope, grows as the temple waxes (h/t Billy S.), but it does so in steps. You can't go from knowing nothing to having any reasonable level of understanding in an instant and you don't have any way to contextualize each of the voices for its agenda so you can't assess validity. You can't go from 0 to 100 in an instant.

So we have instant experts with intellects built on sand and the more we know, the less we can know what is right or wrong.

If you go from 0-60 too quickly, you'll break your own neck. Or so I've heard.

Let's Be Friends

I am approaching my Heinz birthday and I don't have many friends. I don't think that that is unusual -- I have never been especially social or sociable so I never had many to begin with but as I age and forge my path, I find that making friends just doesn't fit in. I was wondering why that was and here is what I have figured out.

When I was young I was relatively simple. My tastes were not yet established and I had fewer experiences and preferences as I was still developing and learning about myself. I was, you could say, like the cockpit of a glider.

There are a few basic controls and a simple readout that lets the pilot know when things are basically level. I grew up with those so they made sense. I could find my happiness with relatively little effort.

I was a piper cub

Meeting someone who is similarly simple then allows two of us to take a flight using both of our simple controls -- like a two person glider

As we grow together and learn about ourselves and the world, new controls are added. We learn them together and add in each one slowly -- there is a process of increase.

Years go by and we don't notice that another button, another routine, another measure is added in because the growth is incremental. By the time we are both in a fancier cockpit, we are familiar with each other and every device.

But then, imagine starting fresh with someone, anyone, in your mid 50's. You introduce yourself to someone and say "come on in!"

"Interesting," the other person says, looking at all there is to learn about me. And then that person introduces him or herself to me and says, "Have a seat!"

To quote Gary Gulman, "Yeah, no."

The Epstein Files

So here it is, my official and public statement about the Epstein files.

I haven't read them. I know very little (in terms of proven fact) about the Epstein case. He either killed himself or he didn't (as I believe the options to be) and he had files. Lots of files that apparently every world leader has and is using to blackmail Pres. Trump. In his spare time he was a monster, and we suspect that anyone who spent any time with him is therefore a monster. I'm not taking a stand on any of this because it is well beyond my ken. But there is another angle to it I would like to discuss.

I spend time online discuss/arguing about Judaism and Israel. I'm found in the "pro" camp. One of the things I see quite often is that people decide to use examples like Epstein to prove something about Jews. Jews, they say, are monsters, because Epstein was a monster and he was Jewish. I see the same thing when it comes to discussing other people (on both sides of various issues) and it is getting annoying. Why must people inject religion into a discussion when it is conspicuously absent.

Let's assume that Epstein is guilty of crimes 1 through 12. Unless his actions when committing those crimes were driven by his religious belief, or he used his religious identity to defend them, then the fact that he happens to be Jewish is as irrelevant as Charles Whitman's interest in coin collecting.

And attribute is relevant when it helps identify or explains a motive. I don't care what Hitler's favorite flavor of ice cream was unless it was that choice of flavor which drove his Final Solution. So if it wasn't, don't give me a headline "Austrian Strawberry Eater commits genocide; the Strawberry Eaters are gonna getcha!"

It works in the other direction as well -- someone shouting down Israel or Judaism finds a supportive quote by someone. That someone happens to be Jewish so the anti- person will point out the Jewishness as if that makes an opinion WHICH IS UNRELATED TO RELIGION somehow more powerful and relevant. It doesn't. So Einstein was against certain aspects of Israel's politics. Why does his Jewishness have any relationship to that? Did he make his statements because of his religion? Does he use the texts and beliefs of his religion to explain his position?

One reason that people get called "anti-semite" isn't because they are posting things that are false, but because they are laying behavior unrelated to religion at the feet of the religious group. Can we try to keep our hatreds in focus, people?

I am not defending Epstein -- he has done the world a disservice on so many levels (not the least of which is that I can't enjoy Welcome Back, Kotter as much anymore) but let's not let the actions of individuals become a reason to hate a group, nor let the hatred of a group impact an approach to the law.

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Trying to fall asleep but another point appeared in my head. 

When you start to accuse someone and draw from that accusation an attack on an entire group, you can pick any aspect of that individual's identity and decide that that's the dimension of identity that you'd like to tar with this particular accusation. So if a some famous person commits a bad act you can look and say oh that's the exactly the kind of thing an Irish person would do, or, for the same person that's such a left-hander's attitude, or the Democrats all think like that. 

You can pick any aspect arbitrarily and that's the one you can decide is participant in the bad act. But mostly, monsters are not monsters as an expression of a singular affiliation but because they are monsters.