Why I'm still on Earth this morning

The voices were like the heavenly choir. Harmonies so rich that they had their own harmonies filled my head as a blue light bathed me in radiance. Alone, walking home that night, I hadn't considered aliens or any sort of visitation which was ironic as that was usually what filled my thoughts.

I have always been interested in outer space -- the stars, planets, galaxies and the vast expanse that begs comprehension. I look up at the night sky and imagine myself spending any number of lifetimes crossing the distances and seeing wondrous miracles, life forms, explosions and things unimaginable. I'm often lost in thought as I gaze into the inky past, dreaming, wishing, even hoping that some force, some intelligence would somehow descend and pick me, yes me, to be the one to travel to the stars and represent humanity in this contact. This is why it was so unusual that at the moment when the beings finally made their presence known, I was not thinking of traveling to the out there which is out there.

"Come with us..."

The sound was as much in my head as around it. I was awash in sound, full and tangible. I looked up, realizing that, though the light was bright, it didn't need to shield my eyes. I both saw its center and was at its center.

"Come with us..." the voice repeated. I was stunned, too shocked even to respond. The light beckoned me, it drew me in and I found myself walking in it and reaching.

"Come with us..." again, the pull. Everything I had yearned for, within my grasp.

"Hold on," I said, pulling out my phone, "I just have to tell the wife that I won't be home for...how long?"

"What?" Even in their confusion the aliens' music lifted my soul.

"I want to let her know that she shouldn't expect me home for dinner and, maybe also breakfast?"

"Of course..."

"Hey -- I should probably let my boss know. He'll have to arrange some sort of coverage while I...what will I be doing again? I need to know so I can take the right kind of day."

The choir responded with a lushness that sang to my core."Come with us and explore the mysteries of the universe."

"OK, so vacation day. Go it. Hold on." I started to dial and then put the phone down. "Like how long are we talking. The universe is big but I only get 6 personal days."

"We have worlds to discover together, and we wish to share the secrets of civilizations beyond your understanding, dimensions of which you cannot conceive -- we want you to-"

"Right, so I'll probably need to take the whole bunch. That means I can't take one in March for my kid's recital. Hmmmmm."

"Come with us..." Its lure, irresistible.

"Yes...with you. Um...how does time work?"

"What?"

"I mean, will it seem like a long time, but we will be traveling so fast that the experience will be over really quickly? I haven't davened shacharis yet, so am I going to need to grab my tefillin before we go, or will we be back soon?"

"You will see the face of god in all things, and worship with an honesty and nearness you cannot even begin to imagine..."

"Right, but do I need my tefillin? And how are you people fixed on snacks? I have a gluten thing, so I'd appreciate if you had some vegetables or maybe rice crackers. I'm a bear to be around if I have gluten."

"We can give you the ambrosia, nectar of the stars, to fill you up in ways that -"

"I can't imagine, yeah, but under whose hashgacha? Do you guys have wi-fi up there?"

"You will be one with the cosmos, communing with nebulae and touching the heavens...come with us..."

"Yeah, but wi-fi? I will want to update my status, and live tweet this whole trip thing. Damn, I'm at 14%. I need to grab a charger, and maybe a change of clothes. What should I dress for -- cold? Hot? Do I need a sweater? Will we be meeting anyone so I should be maybe formal?" You meet some nice aliens and begin talking like your grandparents.

"Do you want to come or not?" The harmonies rang and I could almost feel myself lifted up by a power beyond my body.

"Am I going to be on my feet a lot? I have PT this afternoon and my foot is really aching. Do you have a guy? I need heat and massage and someone to work on joint strengthening. Also, can we stop by CVS on the way? I need to get more migraine medicine. Ooooh, also a magazine. You like People?"

"We love people and wish to usher humanity into a new age of -"

"No, the magazine. I'll get you an Us Weekly. I just have to stop off an grab some cash. Can you guys wait here? I'll just be a sec."

And, as I turned to make a quick withdrawal of, like, forty bucks, they left. The bastards.

To Brag

Allow me to brag. Allow me to bask in the glory, and brag. Not about me. Well, at least not directly about me. And please, don't judge me as a braggart just because I brag. I spill over with pride and I wish to share it. With all my complaining, you'd think you people would be happy that I'm happy. Sheesh.

Anyway, there are milestones by which we judge "growing up." I recall a TV show in which a son's maturity was marked by his ability to beat his father in a basketball game. Maybe it was an arm wrestling match. I watch them both with the same level of enthusiasm so I can't much tell the difference. But I'm no athlete. I'm what scientists like to call "a lazy good for nuthin'" Then they spit. It's Latin -- sorry if you don't get it. In my house, we value pursuits of the mind. So when your mind wanders, you can say it is just out doing research. I have tried to be the bedrock of information, intellectual method and curiosity for my kids and have tried to engage them in the process of discovery and debate so that they become better thinkers and communicators. So what could signify that they have reached a particular plateau and become kings of that particular trapezoidal mountain? When they knock me off. Intellectually. Not like dead, but bettered.

They know that to be conceded to when making cogent points is a feat and a great moment. Ever since they started presenting powerpoints to justify a trip to Florida, and assembling lists of pros and cons about why we should get a dog, they have both appreciated the systematic assembling of argument. That's plenty to get a dad's proud revving. But they weren't ready yet to challenge me on an issue of current concern and argue me into rethinking a position. Until now.

I don't often get my opinion changed. I think most of us, when we have thought through a position and firmly entrenched ourselves don't get jostled too much - not because of stubbornness and the fear of instability, but because if we are ready to declare a position, it is the result of deep and sincere thought and consideration. So when I had my mind changed due to a conversation I watched on line between strangers in a discussion forum, that was pretty big news for me. My underlying understanding didn't change, but I was able to recontextualize my position so that it effected a different outward expression. I saw things differently so I didn't oppose what I had opposed -- not because I changed the baseline belief about its rectitude (or lack) but because the milieu in which it existed was explained in a way where I saw that my opposition was unnecessary. It was a grand start. That was about 10 years ago. Then there was 2 days ago. I was driving my younger child into The City (if you have to ask which then you aren't paying attention -- The City) and, knowing that she is a passionate social justice warrior with a heart of gold, I asked her how she felt about a particular issue. I pushed and challenged and then presented my position which was, in many ways, opposite hers. We are able, you see, to disagree on major social issues and still relate together because we respect that positions don't define one's humanity; they are simply expressions of understanding. People should try that.

So there we are, driving down the FDR and chatting. I lay out my feelings and ask difficult questions and she responds. I was pretty sure that I would be able to cite enough statistics and anecdotes to justify why I felt the way I did and that, though she would make a fine showing, ultimately, she would have to accept that my position is valid. And that I could smile and nod at youthful exuberance and idealism while making sure that she was exposed to my, no doubt more worldly and informed statements. I pointed out that her position was inconsistent. She granted me that and we tried to explore the parameters which would define when she felt one way and when the other. I admitted my inconsistency and tried to express where I drew various lines. She pushed back. Everything was going well. Then she took a tack for which I was not prepared. She pointed out (through both anecdote and logic, coupled with common sense) that my baseline statistic was simply wrong. Now I'm no fan of statistics and I know that they are the tools of manipulators and liars, plus I don't understand them so much, but in general, big numbers that are commonly accepted seem safe -- basic correlations like "people with guns are more likely to shoot people than people without guns" and "if you don't eat, you gonna die." She questioned one of my big numbers: if I rely on a particular trend in order to predict future behavior, but that trend was established through improper thinking which would have been the result of using that trend, then my statistic is circular and baseless.

Here's an analog (and I'm working very hard not to bring up the specific topic we discussed so that any reader's thinking about this isn't clouded by his or her own preconceived notions):

I say we can predict tomorrow's weather by looking at the statistics of how much it rained on days after a football game.
She points out that those statistics were generated by people who ignored when it rained on days after no-football because they expected a correlation so they found it, and the later statistics which purport to show an effect are actually just pointing out the cause -- there is a higher correlation because those are the ones we counted in the past! Yes, it is more complex than that and without showing the actual topic of discussion, it is hard to explain fully and clearly, but trust me - she made me rethink what I knew and believed about relying on a particular trend's value. I fell into a sullen silence which masked a true admiration, which was covering a sullen silence. I'm complex like that.

Now I'm not saying that I am discarding my entire position. I still think that my ideas have merit. But this kid, whom I refer to as "the smart one," shut me down in a way. Now my other kid, whom I refer to as "the smart one" (fortunately, neither reads my blog, so neither knows that I think they are both smart...that's a relief) has argued her points well for many years, but we haven't sparred on questions of politics and the communal conscience. That's why the other one went through the army, her own apartment, moving to another country and becoming a vegetarian. She's smart like that. This one will change the world, one mind at a time. I am the proud dad of two women. Two brilliant, strong and strong willed women who see a better future and are working with their bodies and minds to make that vision a reality. Color me convinced

End brag. We now resume our regularly scheduled complaint. My foot hurts.

a pre-Yom Kippur Ne'ilah thought

A Yom Kippur thought (really about the Ne'ilah service but I'm putting it out there nowbecause the point is not to wait until the gates have closed). Inspired and driven by the words of Rabbi David Sher.

There is a commonly quoted idea about the month of Elul and the days of repentance -- these are days when we can approach God because, as the phrase says, the king is in the field. God is available, not in his palace, guarded by layers of intermediaries, but wandering among us, willing to meet us with a smile whenever and wherever we make any attempt to reach him. It is a nice thought.

I see the metaphor as more than that. We don't just see the king in the field and shout "Hey, Mr. King, I need a ______" or "I'd like to _____" and let him walk away while we go back to our business. We, realizing the unique opportunity, leverage the moment to walk with the king. We are elevated by his presence and we bask in that, hoping to eke out a little more of his glow by increasing our time with him. We pray longer and harder, with words that underscore his position and our realization of it. Daily, for more than a month we meet the king in the field, accompanying him on a long walk during which we relish the chance to discuss our dreams, our fears, successes and failures.

Then we realize that we have wandered with him on his long path back to his palace. By the afternoon of Yom Kippur we have made it all the way to the gates. At this point, the king walks in and we, stopped by his guards, can only address him from across the threshold. We take the last opportunity to make our case, and show who we are, who we have become and who we can still turn in to. The gates are closing -- the Ne'ilah service is that shutting of the gate. God will not be inaccessible but he won't be right there -- we will have to go through channels for the next 11 months. So we take those final moments to shout to the king through the slowly closing gate. We know the gates can be opened through tears and prayer, but the prayers will still have to wend their way to the king. Our walk is over. Time to go home and get back to the way things were before.

So while the king is still in the field, or on the road, or in the driveway, let's take advantage of his availability and pour our hearts into his service so that when the gates begin to close we don't get desperate and fearful, but instead can understand that we will always have the key and we, WE, escorted a king until the very last moment that we were allowed to.

A Higher Level, first

I attended a funeral recently -- not my own, thankfully, but I keep thinking that the odds that I will be able to make that statement go down every time I am at a funeral. The rabbi who ran the proceedings and introduced the family members who spoke, mentioned that we were gathered to give "Kavod Acharon" (the Hebrew phrase translating to "final respects") to the deceased. The children and grandchildren spoke of the example that the beloved man set and how they will emulate him and learn from him. It dawned on me that the words of the rabbi were therefore wrong.

I had never really considered it before, but that notion of "kavod acharon" is simply incorrect.

In Judaism, the issue of "kavod" or respect (gravitas, maybe, as the word is related to a word meaning "weighty") is a really important one. The talmud and the commentators provide many examples of how one gives respect, but I think that maybe they missed a little part. Or maybe some famous people figured this all out already and I'm late to the party and ignorant of the classics. Potayto, potahto.

In terms of dealing with our parents, the Torah commands us two things -- Kaved et avicha v'et imecha, respect your father and your mother and Ish imo v'aviv tira'u, a man should fear (be in awe) of his mother and father. Citations available upon googling. Do your own homework. The two verbs are kaved, honor/give respect to, and tira'u, fear or be in awe of. I listened to an explanation of the difference between the two online. Apparently, one major split is that honoring has to do with a passive acceptance and fear is a more proactive set of behaviors. Or something like that. Truth is, it didn't get to what I was looking for so I tuned out.

There is a mitzvah/commandment in Judaism which holds a special place, that of participating in the preparation for and the burial of someone. The recipient cannot say "thank you" so the act shows a respect and care without regard to recompense of any sort. This is part of "kavod hamet" -- respecting/honoring the dead. Honor, it seems, is elevated here when there is no one who benefits who can acknowledge the act. In terms of honor vs. fear, it seems to me that fear is about the concern for consequence. I don't want to disappoint, annoy or otherwise fun afoul of my parents, so I fear them and show reverence. But honor is silent and unknown. It is not about what happens afterwards; it is only about how we are supposed to be because that's just how we are supposed to be.

In that sense, when we see that a loved one has passed, and we resolve to emulate that person and incorporate important lessons into our future daily life, even though we know that the deceased can't comment on or provide feedback for our actions, we are intending to live a life dedicated to a continual kavod, honor and respect for that loved one! In fact, then, our presence at the funeral, and our continued existence, keeping in mind the wishes, life and lessons of the one who has passed, is not a Kavod Acharon, (final respect) but the Kavod Rishon, the first respect! Now that the person has passed, that person cannot see what we do, so our actions, being performed with no "thank you" are now a higher level of respect -- we do them because they are the right thing to do, not because we are concerned with the repercussions. Kavod doesn't end. It actually starts at this moment.

The term Kavod Acharon is a few hundred years old. It does capture one aspect of how we relate to the passing of a loved one, but it misses a whole other dimension that I believe we need to focus on. Let us concentrate on respecting the loved one who passed on every day, at every moment and making the funeral an opportunity to begin a new chapter of respect and honor instead of seeing it as a closing, a last respect.

Post Titles

Today, I started writing book titles. I don't really have any books to write, but I was possessed of a drive to compose titles for books that should be written. I have no particular idea of what these books are about, but I like the titles. So do with them what you will.

Screeching Howler Monkeys with Airhorns: The Silent Killers

Margarine Whence?

Mouse, Ahoy

Hip on Pip

Thoughts While Thinking

Should You Buy Your Radio a TV?

Top 10 Scenic Vacation Spots in your House

Poems to go Blind By

Runty, the Smelliest Badger

Drapes, Drapes, Drapes!

If I kick off...

I have been reluctant to write this because I'm afraid of the controversy it would cause, and the potential backlash from the powers that be, but I find myself at the point of the evening where, if I don't procrastinate, I might end up doing some work. So so be it. That being said, I am ready to blow the lid off of this whole thing.

I think, no, I dare say, I believe, or even, I believe I think, that the entire of the NFL is one big put on.

There, I said it.

A put on. It isn't real. it is to soccer what television wrestling is to the Olympic wrestling. It is a mock up of a sham, foisted on the unknowing masses and ignorant slobs who refuse to suspect that this can't be true, and who let blind acceptance rule them for 5 months out of the year. Games are scripted and fairly well rehearsed and American and the world are allowed to root for the good guys, buy the bad boys and get that vicarious catharsis that all good, mindless entertainment provides. Some explosions, some violence, a couple of beer commercials, and I'm good to go.

All fake. All Hollywood. Florida, maybe, but Hollywood nonetheless.

You are probably wondering about my evidence and don't you worry yourself any -- I've got that in spades. Its started when I was a boy, watching the gladiators of Sunday afternoon play. First, I noticed that when the going got tough, strategic players got "hurt" and had to leave the game. Ships abandoning the sinking ship to avoid future injury. They all came back next week, rested and healed. I notice that football players can recover from injury a lot faster than humans. Last week, I saw a quarterback have his ankle turned in a direction which I couldn't find in a 3-D space. I was convinced that MY ankle got snapped. Stunned silence -- I stared at the screen, wincing as I watched repeated replays through slightly splayed fingers. Cut to commercial. Return in 2 minutes and he has miraculously walked off the field. Not possible. I know what I saw. The man had no functional ankle left. Don't tell me that he walked off on his own. There isn't that much adrenaline in a bull elephant. Or an elephant bull. No sir.

I was watching a game and I noticed a few other things -- first is the easy one: calls made by referees that seem capricious and illogical. A penalty here, a judgement call there. Each team has felt the sting at some point or another. Even the announcers occasionally fail to understand. How could that have NOT been flagged? How could they whistle that dead? I saw a fumble recovery for a touchdown called back, but not because it wasn't a fumble. It was called back because, well, just because. The script, it seems, didn't have a touchdown set for that moment. Back to position A, kids. Let's film the big dance scene next.

Next up, replays. You watch the play and it moves unnaturally quickly. A violent ballet of 22 men in tights who swivel, pivot and good naturedly throw each other to the ground and threaten each others' families. The play ends and somehow, in the span of 2 seconds, some color commentator guy (a naming vestige of a cruder time...we should work on that) accurately names the 3 players who moved in some strangely synchronized set of movements to allow the play to develop, and the camera just happened to have exactly that vantage point diagrammed and cued up. Nuh uh. No way he could have seen that, identified the players, gotten the precise moment ready for a replay and a perfectly suited explanation timed to the second. I have seen referees struggle to identify a player and they are RIGHT THERE. You can't tell me that some guy in a booth can track all 22 players and identify, with no notice, which combination of hulking, falling figures, did the one thing which allowed a guy to rumble through a mass of bodies. It can't be done. They must know the plays in advance, and have the cameras all ready to track where the ball WILL be.

And another thing -- when I watch the game, no matter where I am (so no matter what the local game is) they all seem to cut to the exact same halftime show at precisely the right moment. If that halftime show (5 guys exchanging witty banter, never stepping on each others' lines or toes, with exactly the right amount to say about each game to get you back to the action right at kick off? Not a chance that that isn't pre-recorded) is the same one people from all markets watch, then how can they all finish the first half at exactly the same time? At the end of the game, when coverage shifts to the ending of another game, the announcers say "we welcome those of you who were watching X". But at halftime, there is no welcoming staggered audiences. So I vote "fake."

More about half time. This past weekend, before they threw the coverage to their canned "recap" for half time, the two actors pretending to watch a football game chatted about the game. This was, and I'm not making this up, at the half time of a fairly large game. Here is the picture:

Tell me if you notice anything. Remember -- this is during the game. I notice a whole heckuvalot of empty seats, even though the stadium was full for the game. Do 90% of the people go to the bathroom at the same time? Clearly, this is a little Capricorn One action. The discussion was recorded well before people got there and the game was played. Just all lies and we, the sheep, eat it all up.

Look, I know that there are plenty of good conspiracy theories out there, and I even believe a couple of them, But this one is mine. Sure, I think I could take this further and posit that the entire of existence is a Truman Show-esque joke played on me, but for now, I will simply risk life and limb by exposing the NFL cover-up. So if anything happens to me, blame pro football. The truth must be spoken aloud, people!

----------------
MAJOR EDIT!
It is a few weeks later (Oct 6) and I was just watching a game between Pittsburgh and Baltimore. Overtime. A ball was dropped and took an odd bounce. The commentator guy made a statement which repeated 3 times and quickly cut off, as if an audio file has looped! PRE-RECORDED! MORE PROOF that the whole thing is a major scam. Watch the video -- other than replaying it off of my DVR which automatically records things, I have done NO editing to this. Listen to the audio and tell me that this doesn't prove that the whole thing is a put on!

Note -- I can't insert a playable video file so I'm putting a link to the file on my google drive.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zrD-PJgWWQVDX53DP_44ybMBNwgyihZN/view?usp=sharing

and on Youtube
https://youtu.be/Fwaj5R379iI

---------------

Next edit!!

Dec 4, 2022. I am watching the Dallas vs. Colts game on SNF and I also looked at the news and saw this (the game started at 8:30 ish and it is now almost half-time, 9:48):

https://imgur.com/a/nUkTOXF

Note the time on the bottom right corner, 9:46. Note the time on the byline for

the article -- 3 hours ago, or approx 6:45 PM for a game that started at 8:30.

Somehow, they knew that, almost 2 hours before the game started, the Cowboys would lead. FAKERS!

Riposte

I know I come up with some fanciful thoughts -- I twist words and interpret text in a way which others might think of as liberal (in terms of meaning, not application). A bunch of years ago, I presented (here? on Facebook? in a file on some computer somewhere? I don't recall) a somewhat strange reading. It went a little like this.

At a certain point in the chumash, Ya'akov avinu says (Bereishit 37:35) כִּֽי־אֵרֵ֧ד אֶל־בְּנִ֛י אָבֵ֖ל שְׁאֹ֑לָה (ki ered el b'ni aveil she'ola) " I will go down mourning to my son in Sheol" (translation from Sefaria). That word, Sheol has been discussed well, to death. Rashi says that it means "the grace" and refers to "Gehenom" (a word/reference with its own interesting etymology). The Ibn Ezra vociferously disagrees and says it simply means "down". I'll let them fight it out. I have other ideas.

Judaism is a question which thrives on intellectual curiosity. Our sages agrued over finer points, challenged each other and (as shown above) disagreed across years and miles. We are driven to ask questions and investigate the answers and not give up. In the talmud, sometimes the answer is illogical but based in fath and sometimes, it is "teiku" (we don't know yet but will in the future) but that's an answer. So what is this "grave" word? She'ola, which has the same letters as she'eilah, a question. It seems that the suffering of death hinges on the torture of an unanswered question. What could be more excruciating than being possessed of questions and problems and having no way of even investigating towards any sort of answer. This is true next-world suffering in my humble opinion.

That's what I came up with years ago. Not so bad, I think.

But that's not what inspired me today. Today, if you aren't keeping score at home, is the 13th of Elul. As such, we are in the midst of preparations for the high holiday season and we are encouraged to explore paths towards repentance. Repentance. An English word that seems to indicate that I pentanced already and it is time to do so again. "Repent" is an ancient word that comes from the Latin penitire (to regret, which requires multiple grets, I guess) plus the intensive re- prefix. To really regret. In Hebrew, though, we don't use a word that has to do with regret -- we say "t'shuva".

T'shuva has to do with going back, returning. In a sense, this overlaps with regret as it indicates a change in thoughts. My mind goes back to the event. I wish I could have the moment back so I could act differently. I have changed my way of thinking about the propriety (or lack thereof) of my actions. There is a lot of "going back" and "returning" for sure. But that's not what the word REALLY means. And I know, because I made up a new meaning.

Teachers use the word t'shuva often, though, generally when speaking or teaching Hebrew. Use it in a French class in a public school in Iowa and it won't really have the same punch. The word is a regular old noun meaning "answer." The meaning develops from the idea of "response" or a rejoinder. A word or message is sent back, returning to the one who asked a question. So why is this the word we use for repentance (or vice versa)?

Maybe, just maybe, I can stitch these two concepts of questions and answers together. Could it be that we, at this time of year, start thinking about the implications and consequences of our behavior on our soul and see that bad behavior will lead us to She'ol, to a state of questions with no answers. So what do we do? We immerse ourselves in the process of answering. We study (I don't understand the laws and have questions), we read (I have questions of faith -- let me see what great thinkers have said) and we come up with solutions to our questions (why did I do that? How can I change?) We realize that there is an ultimate answer and it isn't 42. As in the talmud, sometimes it is an answer of "have faith in God" even if that means "I can't tell you now, but trust me, there is an answer and you will get it in the future." Our soul is then reassured -- the future is not about unanswered questions, but about answers to the things we can't wrap our brains about now. T'shuva saves us from She'ol. Answers will make sure we are not left with only questions.

Let this be a year of understanding -- ourselves and others. Let this be a year in which we find answers, or move towards them, and a year in which our questions drive us towards understanding, not leaving us adrift. Let us return in all ways, to the faith that everything will be answered in the future. Let us do t'shuva.