Sunday, February 15, 2009

In case you aren't already depressed

Another day, another funeral so I guess that I should put some not-so-random thoughts down.

The deceased was described as highly spiritual, brilliant, loving, brilliant, driven, strong and brilliant. The speakers mentioned his education, his love of family, his knack for beating up muggers and growing a nice garden, and his connection to his religion. All very nice. I was very touched, but as is my tendency, i got to thinking about what anyone would say about me if ever I choose to die. I thought about my, long time readers know that I have blogged my Death Wishes so the world knows to expect a rollicking good time at the service and burial, but I thought of a few more necessities. View this as a valid codicil to the aforementioned Death Wishes post.

1. Julie has agreed to the opening joke which focuses on my time/schedule based neurosis, and she has also said that she will use the joke "My husband was a Rennaisance mand, and we were surprised that he lived the whole 600 years" though she is free to mess with the wording.

2. I want the Facebook status of all my friends to be changed to "______ Can't believe that Daniel is dead" and mine changed to "Daniel Can't believe that he is dead." I empower my wife to continue my online presence for at least six months after my passing, and I also allow her to play my hand it the next poker game.

3. On the headstone, I want that little thing affixed which says "Endowed" but next to it I want one of these ;)

4. Bullet-proof hearse. I expect that I both have, and will continue to make the kinds of enemies who will want to make sure I'm dead.

5. If you come to visit the grave, I know the tradition is to place rocks on the grave, but could I ask for Pop Tarts?

6. Please pay to ensure the continued manscaping of my grave.

7. Please give out New York Times Crossword puzzles at the funeral and race to see if you can finish it before me.

And when you speak of me...and you gentle.

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