Why I hate the internet. A novella

I like the internet. I really do. I often use it when I have to do things like read angry blog posts or find pictures of Iranian cuisine in order to finish my child's homework. But I find that the internet in its current form is getting on my nerves. Allow me to clarify that. I haven't seen the internet lately, just the bits of it that I call forth and that's pretty neat. I assume the whole thing is shaped like a fritata or maybe LaGuardia Airport. And one of the neatest things has been the use of tabs in my browser in order to keep multiple things going simultaneously.

I like to have access to a lot of stuff and this is one of the strengths of the internet as it appears on my computer. Instead of having to close a page whenever I want to go somewhere else, or open a new browser (which then soaks up more memory) I have been advised to use the tabs on my (Opera/Safari/Firefox/IExplorer/Chrome) browser. I do that, keeping between 4 and 40 tabs open depending on where I am. And what I'm about to say has nothing to do with the computer I am on -- this is a function of the internet itself.

There is too much stuff being thrown at me and it is getting on my nerves.

Look, I understand about feature rich content and ad driven sales and click throughs and multimedia and all sorts of other words which are codes for "suck the money from my pocket" but this is getting ridiculous. When I try to open up a series of tabs which I am browsing through the news, I should not have to wait 5 minutes until my computer unfreezes. Too much stuff is being attempted and the computer just can't do it all, in the background, the foreground, uptown and downtown. Between the ads, frames, forms, videos, slide shows, applets and plug-ins, I end up losing interest in the actual stuff I wanted to read! When I say 5 minutes, by the way, I am exaggerating -- today, and this is truth time, the computer froze for 3 minutes while it attempted to open a window and access all the stuff around the article I wanted to read. This is while I'm working on a fancy computer on a fancy work network, not some netbook with 16k of RAM and a dial up connection. Some sites don't work at all and I just give up. This can't be what they are going for. And then, in teh corner it says "Done" but it isn't done! That little progress bar reappears and then I get "done but with error on page" or "waiting for..." something or other. Then "done" and then not. All while I am frozen out of anything I have been trying to work on.

I don't want all that junk. I know that ads and linked videos and sharing apps are all so important to the economy of the future, but they end up frustrating me and making me resent (and thus ignore) all those other bells and whistles and accoutrements to a web page. Just give me the content and move on. I'll appreciate it more, I promise.

And here is a website I stumbled on while I was checking my spelling http://www.accoutrements.com/shop/ .

And that's why the internet is a computer's best friend. About the title? I didn't write that. Blame the internet.