Horses

We had an interesting shabbat in Efrat and I want to reflect on it in a bit, but first, I want to talk about what irritates me. Shocking, I know.

I am a creature not necessarily of habit, but of pattern. I like to set up a plan and stick with it. So when, during the course of our stay, everybody says "oh, you HAVE to go to XX" I tend to tune it out. i have a plan. I have been working on and living with the plan for months now and have made it available for public comment repeatedly. Last minute changes are a real bother to me. The plan is rock solid and changes mean rippling effects which only I, it seems, worry about. Names of places to visit "along the way" take time, planning and money. When are they open? What time do we have to be any where else? Where will we eat? How much gas will it take. I'm skittish enough about driving on a clearly marked route. Spontaneous side trips drive me batty. If people care enough about a trip, they will plan well in advance so we can relax and just DO without thinking. Tomorrow, we will be driving up north to Tiberias (not by my choice, but I was told that this was a trip we "had" to take so I set it up). Driving in a foreign country is rattling enough. I need to focus on that and remove other concerns. Having names of places to stop, or side roads to try will not work out well for me. I don't change anything midstream if I can help it.

The central point of our trip to Israel was to stop off at the orphanage for which Talia raised money in order to have her meet people there. I emailed and called the local representative to set this up. And when it turned out that this date was during the orphanage group vacation, I took it in stride and asked if we could stop by anyway to meet with someone. Sure, they said, and took down the date. When I called last week to confirm I thought of it as a courtesy. Imagine my surprise when the director acted like she didn't know what I was talking about and said that she will not be in the office on the date that we were supposed to come. This is not a good way to settle my nerves. And it made Talia sad. So, executive decision time. The route north is changing and instead of swinging out west to go to the coast, we are heading east and north and staying on the interior. I hope I can do that and not end up in Afghanistan or something. I am worried about the walk to get the car from the rental place...I will be a wreck when I see a sign pointing to Arab controlled villages.

Another thing which irks me is being a guest. I don't like unfamiliar surroundings because I am worried that I am getting something wrong. Going in to a synagogue at which I am a guest drives me crazy. Am I dressed wrong? In what order do they say things? What tunes will they sing? Where should I sit. I am better sitting in my own house. Agoraphobia has a romantic allure. Hotels are OK because there, EVERYONE is a guest and a stranger. But sitting amongst locals makes me feel like I stick out. Driving a rental car will be the same.

So shabbat in Efrat had its nice side. we saw friends who moved and the kids had a real blast. But during the afternoon, when 30 people all got together I realized that had I been amongst this group in Teaneck, I would walk away. All the more so when I don't know a bunch of people. I also felt freaked out at night in a "settlement" -- it was dark and my imagination got the better of me. Who knew who or what was creeping in the darkness. I enjoyed seeing friends but wanted to get the heck out. One important point -- we are not moving to Israel any time soon. So when the conversations are all about moving in, and adjusting, we (and by we I mean us) don't react well. I respect the people who move to Israel, I really do. But there are myriad things holding us back and we have too much of an insight into the demands and tribulations and our own limitations to decide to move. Not everyone cares that we think this and insists that we move. Not cool.

So tomorrow, we drive, and where we end up and what time we get there is totally confusing for me. We may have one of Talia's friends as a guest so the child isn't bored. We may be meeting people up there. We may go to a water park, a crocodile refuge, a kangaroo encounter (for realsies, even) or a cave. The kids may be bored or may have a blast. I'm all a tumult not knowing what will be thrown my way but everyone else seems to be in a wonderful mood.

Bah, humbug.