A moral of a story

I live in a lovely first floor apartment and right outside my window, there is a courtyard with trees, chairs and grills so residents can go out there, grill up a dinner and relax outside. It is very nice. I even go out there sometimes and just read in the quiet of the courtyard since it is under utilized.

A couple of days ago, the weather was wonderful so I opened up the shades and windows and took it all in. At about 4PM, I noticed people outside getting ready to grill. Fine by me. Then more people and more and eventually the courtyard was full of people having a grand ol’ time. Yes, they were (and probably still are) black but I didn’t really care about that. Some surreptitiously looked in to my apartment and saw me watching television. No one shouted in, but I heard the comments about how weird it is that I was just sitting there watching TV. Fact is, I was watching a football game and folding laundry. It’s what I do. Then I put on Olympic Trials for swimming. But I ignored them and they ignored me for the most part.

Had I closed my windows, I feared that would be offensive. Had I engaged, it would have been intrusive. They were whooping it up (plenty loud, with profanity and children yelling – the sounds of life) and I just ignored it and went on with my life. At one point I did hear them wondering about whether there were cameras out there. I don’t know what they were doing wrong but I didn’t butt in to talk about cameras or anything. This is their event and I’m not involved.

Then I saw a message on the building chat that said that a large contingent of police officers had just pulled up. Now, I didn’t see the people outside my living room window do anything wrong, but while they were partying, a visibly Jewish couple came out to use the kosher grill, sat around for five minutes and then disappeared while I was answering an email. I looked up and they were gone. I didn’t see any friction or confrontation so maybe they had a fine reason to leave. Or maybe they felt out of place, or like they were intruding, or maybe they felt (unfounded) fear or intimidation. I just know that I wouldn’t put it past anyone to call the cops. Clearly, not everyone there was a resident (I don’t know if ANYONE was actually a resident but I assume someone in the group was) and, yes, they were spread out over the entire of the courtyard so there would have been little space had the Jews wanted to eat out there, and it certainly wouldn’t be a quiet meal. So if the cops were there for them and I didn’t know of anything they did wrong, I wondered whether I should let them know that the cops had arrived.

Had I said something to them, I would have been doing them a service by warning them, but I would have done that because I was being a racist and assuming that they were doing something wrong. Or maybe I was assuming that the cops and residents who called were racist and I wanted to keep them from being victimized by the Man. But if I didn’t say anything was I being a non-racist, not assuming they did anything wrong or was I being racist letting them be victimized or letting them get what they “deserve”? Would tipping them off be a favor or a condescension? Would it be traitorous to either the individuals who called the cops and wanted accountability that officialdom and authority would bring, or to the entire of the building, as I would be undermining the power of the police in general by tipping off the party-goers.

My indecision froze me and ate away at my insides. I didn’t know if I was a bigger heel if I did or did not say anything, a real life Buridan’s Ass.  I said nothing but not because I had resolved the moral dilemma; I said nothing because I was still torturing myself with indecision and while I was still in the midst of said wonderment, I saw a message on the chat which indicated that the police were going to a different courtyard for a different party. So I still don’t know what I should have done and don't know how what I did or did not do speaks about me as a reflection of my attitudes towards others. My morals remain intact only because I couldn’t find them at all.