the Pacekeeper

I pace. A lot. I find myself just wandering back and forth, possessed by some manic energy which manifests as a slow shuffle back and forth, not active enough to burn any calories, but not slow enough to sit down. It's a lose-lose, as long as "it" isn't "weight."

I come by this pacing habit honestly. No stealer of paces, I. It is genetic. I first noticed that my uncle was a pacer a long time ago. He was over at our house and he paced. And I noticed it. Sort of hard to hide, but I am still proud of my observational skills. Therefore, since he paces, and he is my uncle, science demands that I pace as well. Quads erat demonstratum, baby. Amirite?

By the way, when I say that my uncle is a pacer, I refer neither to the car, nor the basketball team, for as far as I know, he is neither of those. There might be other things he isn't, but I'm going to start by being sure he isn't an auto or professional athlete. I'm pretty sure he isn't a horse, but who knows? Call that indications for further research.

I actually believe that the canals on Mars were created by a couple of neurotic people full of nervous energy, pacing back and forth waiting for something. Just over millions of years.

So I was standing in the shower this morning and I realized that the water drains, because it does. Then, when I turned the water off, I noticed that it still dribbled and moved towards the drain. You see, a bathtub has a slight pitch, a shallow down-angle which encourages the water to roll down, overcoming the pull of gravity and geting water to flow. Amazing.

What that means is that if I walk from one end of the tub to the other, I am walking downhill! And, more importantly, if I turn around and walk back, I'm walking UPHILL! So now, if I pace while I taking a shower then half of my steps are uphill. I'm guaranteed to get in shape as long as i walk in the shower. Genius, I say.

Next, I have to find a way to get my bicycle into the tub so I can work on my hill climbing skills as I prep for the Tour de France.