Thank me very much

I figure that, at this point in my career, I'm clearly never going to be someone's inspiration. No giver of life-changing advice or an unintentional pep talk from the heart, I'm not going to be the teacher named from the podium at some awards show as "the reason I became a ___________."

So in anticipation of this, I present my suggestion as to how I can be incorporated into a "thank you" speech, relying only on my continued mediocrity:

"I remember, I had a teacher...high school, I think it was...I forget his name but I know, and life has shown, that he had no specific negative impact on my growth, maturation and success. I am where I am today because had no effect on my life! Thank you for being irrelevant, Mr. Whatever-your-name-is!