Mister Anthropy

I hate People.

Notice, I capitalized the letter P in that statement. You should all know by now that I'm not a great fan of people but it is also true that I don't like People. Coincidence? I think not.

People, you see, is a magazine which is not about people. I know because I'm a people and the magazine isn't about me. I guess the original name was "People Who Aren't You" and they shortened it because it didn't fit on the cover. In the past, I have railed at the articles that prove that celebrities are just like me (if I was a celebrities) and photoessay that suggest that a famous person carrying a baby is somehow more significant than anyone else carrying a baby. But I have found a new windmill.

So there I was on a recent evening, trying unsuccessfully to drown my sorrows, and reading a recent issue of People. I stumble upon a set of pictures of Important People at a gala affair celebration Time Magazine's list of the 100 most influential people of the year. Now that may be one of the top 10 dumbest things EVER.

Let's get this straight. One magazine showing pictures of celebrities standing around at an event created to commemorate another magazine's list of celebrities. There they all were...smiling, drinking, playing music and looking fabulous. That same night, I had come home from work, grabbed a quick dinner while helping my kids with homework, watched the news and fell asleep because I had to be up the next day. I, no doubt, looked fabulous, though.

I hate the idea of celebrity to begin with but what were they all standing around and patting themselves on the back for? To celebrate the 100 most influential people. Influential? Let me be blunt: as far as I know, at least half of these people could have been dead for the last 5 years and I wouldn't have noticed. Influential? How. Some musician whose work does nothing but make me change the station. Is that influence? An actor whose movies I haven't seen, standing next to someone whose claim to fame and influence, it seems, is that he's standing next to an actor whose movies I haven't seen. Self-important comedians who forget that their job is to make me laugh and if they aren't doing that then they should get away and write new stuff. And of course, famous people whose fame comes from being famous people. Celebrity will breed itself.

They do not influence me. They do not inspire me. I don't know who most of them are, nor do I care. To label them influential at all is superficial, capricious and unproductive. To call them "most" influential is arrogant and insulting. To have a party for them is only made worse by having the people at the party be the exact audience they are least likely to have influenced.

If you really feel you need to have an event celebrating people who have an influence (one which I can drive under) then you need to call me and have a long talk about what that even means. Because I don't think any of these important people (or People) have any idea.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry