Friday, April 6, 2012

and then what am I?

Being on line in a supermarket affords me the opportunity to people watch. It also allows me to imagine that I am the subject of other people's watching so I try to buy my food in combinations which will confuse them. I imagine that people are looking at my food and wondering "what the hell is he going to make out of that??" So when I buy things like a pack of chicken, lima beans and instant chocolate pudding I know that somewhere, someone is going home with more questions than answers.

For the most part, though, I find that people are generally straight forward. The women with 15 cans of cat food either has a cat or has very particular tastes in her dinner of chicken and tuna. The man with 4 boxes of macaroni, a can of sauce and some cheese is obviously making filet mignon.

Today I got stumped.

There I was, on the express line, silently cursing the person up ahead who obviously had 13 items and then I saw what the gentleman in front of me had.

1. two pre-cooked turkey legs. They were the size of Delaware and, by law, had to be consumed while wearing some medieval clothing.
2. 1 container of ricotta cheese. For the midnight snack, I'm guessing.
3. 2 containers of mixed olives. Gross, yes, but sometimes, different colored olives are just what the doctor ordered. If you are suffering from a lack of taste buds.
4. Four, count 'em, four containers of chopped liver.

OK, the combination had me guessing but I couldn't really even get past item number 4. Chopped liver? I looked more carefully -- this was not some kosher brand, but a "from the deli counter, fresh from the cow" chopped liver. I didn't even know that anyone other than the kosher people MADE chopped liver and I certainly didn't expect that anyone ate it. Remember, I love chopped liver. But I always assumed that was a genetic thing: along with gefilte fish, celery soda and borscht came the dna-based predilection for chopped liver. This guy's other purchases seemed to put him, how should I say it, out of the fold of the Jewish minority. And, remember, he bought FOUR of them. What kind of a party was this guy throwing? This was NOT some hoity-toity "pate". I was clearly labeled Chopped Liver. And this guy bought it.

I am hoping he did so just for the joke, and to that I say "Well played sir. Well played."

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