Thursday, April 12, 2012

What I ate on my Pesach vacation

Short answer, everything.

For an 8 day holiday, I tend to buy 72 days' worth of stuff. And then eat it all in 8 days. Not my fault, really. I think that somewhere in the various codes of Jewish law is a small commentary which says (in Aramaic, no doubt) "one who has not gained 31 pounds over the Passover holiday has not fulfilled his obligation to remember the weight we gained during the exodus from Egypt."

So I eat because one should take on all sorts of stringencies for Passover. And eat them.

But I also had time to read over this holiday. I leafed through the many magazines which my wife receives. They are about women but not in the objectifying way so please, don't pelt me with rotten veggies over my choice of reading material. I might have to eat them. And you know how I feel about veggies.

I have recognized that during this holiday, my paunchier has become, well, paunchier. My spare tire now has a spare tire. And jumper cables. My love handles are more lovely than ever. My beer belly now has a more pronounced head. All that and more. So while I was reading, I took special care to focus on all the articles which advise how to remove belly fat. I read articles, I clicked on links, I learned everything there is to know about losing belly fat. And yet, somehow, I haven't lost an ounce.

I find this unfair.

I took the time and expended the energy necessary to read those articles and look at the recommended websites. I paid close attention to the recommendations and advice. For god's sake, there were VERBS involved and yet, nothing. I didn't skim or skip. I pored over the articles and it is as if I hadn't done anything at all. I turned pages, I nodded knowingly. I even half-heartedly mimicked some of the movements I saw recommended, so that I could truly understand what was being shown. Come on! Half-heartedly! It isn't like I did it with no heart! And still, nothing. This is unacceptable.

Therefore, as of now, we are ending our free subscriptions to all these magazines. No longer will I put myself through the torture of reading these articles when there is no positive benefit of having done so.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Feel free to comment and understand that no matter what you type, I still think you are a robot.