Petty, please

 I used to be good at some stuff. In fact, there are probably things that I'm still good at. I taught myself to juggle and I'm pretty OK at that. I play a few instruments, some better than others. And though I never god "great" at any, there are some that I actually became reasonable at. I can do some basic cooking and baking (and eating...) and have a mind made for remembering trivia. I sometimes can generate Torah thoughts, and I can do basic math without a calculator. Sometimes, I even get the answer.

But there is always someone better.

I recall watching Dwight Gooden pitch for the Mets right around the time that I saw barely-teens being called over the hill as they competed in Olympic gymnastics. Yup. Better, younger and even better. And even now, I watch videos on the interwebz showcasing people who play musical instruments, write comedy bits, bake cakes, and change lightbulbs, all better than I ever could hope to. Part of me wants to yell "that's not fair" and stamp my feet and hold my breath until I turn blue. But I'm sure that there is someone who could do that better than I could anyway.

There will always be someone better, or someone aiming to be better. Someone working harder because he's number two and you can't keep a good cliché down. So if you think you're the tops, then watch out because there's a new tower of Pisa gunning for you. And we are all, therefore, tempted to live our lives running race after race, looking over our shoulders or at the back of the person in front of us, competing for some phantom of fame and fortune (alliteration is a strength of mine). We end up feeling a combination of jealous and resentful of anyone better and angry and afraid of anyone on our heels.

You want to know what the 9th of Av means to me? It means that we, as a people are so focused on the getting and having, and not as much on the being. It means that there was baseless hatred in the temple days -- what is baseless hatred? It is that same petty jealousy and resentment that drives us today to knock each other down in an effort to get ahead. The Ethics of the Fathers teaches that someone is rich if he is happy with what he has. But what is that "richness"? Are we really supposed to be measuring our success by richness?

No. In Tanach there are plenty examples of the "rich" person being portrayed negatively (just look up עשיר in a concordance...there's a lot). So why would being happy with what I have make me rich if being rich is a bad thing? Well, the Ethics of the Fathers clarifies by citing evidence for its claim of happiness -- it points out that we should equate עשיר (rich) with אשר (happiness). Think about the word as used in Psalms (ashrei, happy are they). When that word is used, it is in the context of happiness spiritually. 

Take a look at that selection from Ethics (chapt 4, mishna 1) -- Ben Zoma establishes the definition of 4 words, but they aren't random, nor is their order capricious: wise, strong, rich, honored.

Ben Zoma lived in the first and second centuries CE, so right after the destruction of the second temple. I believe that he was giving his understanding of what happened so that we could reverse the loss and establish a new temple. He starts by saying that we need not to be jealous of others, and see every encounter as an opportunity for growth and improvement. Who is wise? One who learns from others. I shouldn't get jealous -- I should see how I can get better, or at least understand better by watching others. Who is strong? Not one who defeats enemies or knocks down his opponents, but one who can conquer his own impulse to circle the wagons and resent others. It is difficult to accept that others are better but instead of lashing out, we have to accept that the world is what it is. Then we can become rich, because we can learn to be happy with what we have. And what do we have? Once we see learning as paramount and can conquer our evil inclination, we can see clearly that we have a connection to the divine. And how can you be any richer than that. After all that, we can see each other person as worthy of our respect because each person is struggling to be the best version of him or herself and we need to recognize that struggle. When we honor others, then we are deserving of being honored.

I may only be good at things, but I'm sure I'm better than others. Do I want them to resent me? Do I want them to try and knock me off my relative podium to make them feel better? If they can see that I accept that there is always room for growth and I don't begrudge anyone else his or her success, then maybe that will be passed along, and others will respect my struggles and decisions.

If we want to rebuild the temple, we need to be wise' we need to be strong; we need to be full of the richness of life, and we need to respect others.

Ben Zoma laid out that path for us. So watch those videos and be impressed. Clap for the person who gets the question right when you got it wrong. Accept that you are who you are and each of us is a link in a very special chain - we are not competitors but teammates. Give respect instead of demanding it from others. Then we might be on the path to redemption.

Have a meaningful fast.