As I thumbed through the detritus that passes for television, with the championship spud, and the reality shows about swapping your spouse with a bear on a remote island, and the soap doctors, I fell upon the 5th installment of the Die Hard chain, "A Good Day to Die Hard." It was just starting and I, never having seen it, felt that this was an opportunity heaven sent for me to brush up on my cultural knowledge.
This movie, the final installment (since the 6th one was canceled) of the Die Hard franchise has Bruce Willis' John McLane running through Moscow, making a mess of things and whining about being on vacation. While there were a few moments in the 4th movie that strained credulity, this movie choked the life out of credulity and then sat on its corpse after eating beans. Lots of beans. Everything about this movie is bad -- from the acting and dialogue to the incidental music and the effects. The story didn't really exist.
The movie was actually offensively bad. Why offensively? Because someone or ones, somewhere thought that the audiences were so stupid that they would not notice how bad this movie is. Shame on you, media gatekeepers, and how dare you think that I am that dim.
I enjoyed the first 3 movies and didn't hate the fourth. This 5th one was beneath contempt. Fortunately, I keep extra contempt under there so I was OK.
I do have an idea, though -- I'd like them to take the first part of the movie, culminating in the three protagonists driving off together, and then reshoot the rest so that it plays like Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, and make it a travel film. Think "To Wong Fu..."
I had the misfortune to see this in the theater, and I admit that merely in the context of being able to state that I saw ALL of them in the theater. Upon leaving the theater I commented "A Good Day to Stay Home"
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