Pure Dribble

Sometimes, even I get thirsty. When I do, I often turn to my good friend "water" to help me out. I was drinking some of the aforementioned water and I noticed a sign on it: "We're 100% sure it is 99.9% pure!"

At first glance I was touched. And then, as is my wont, I thought about it too much and got angry. Blast this temper, I say.

99.9 percent pure. Sure, that sounds good...but I drink a LOT of water. So I figure if there is .1% of impurity and I have ten cups of water, then I have drunk 1% impurity. And if I drink 1000 cups of water, then I have had 100% impurity!! Now, sure, you could say that each cup is actually only .1% impure, but in fact, it works out that 999 of the cups have no impurity and 1 cup has 100% impurity!! If I knew which of the 1000 cups was the one with the impurity in it, then all would be good. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE IT IS. Inevitably, I'm going to drink it.

Why am I not getting water which is 100% pure? You know what -- I don't even care what it is pure. It could be pure monkey urine (prized for generations in the outer provinces of the far east) but at least it is pure. I mean, what is in that .1% that is impure? Is it a spiritual impurity? Is it a lack of chastity? How can I continue drinking water without knowing?

This is patently unacceptable.