Take That

My schoolyard taunting skills were both strong and weak. Because they were more technical and complex than the traditional taunts, they were more involved and took longer, thereby making them witheringly mean but inevitably less effective.

The old stand by of "I'm rubber, you are glue" was delivered as "I'm rubber, like a vulcanized rubber, and you're glue, but a glue that doesn't work on rubber -- it works on words, though, so if you say things, they are repulsed by my elastic surface and adhere to you, thereby being applicable to you and not me."

When I saw two young people near each other, I began the sign-song "I see ____ and _____ sitting in a tree, and this is dangerous enough but they alse are sharing germs and practicing unhygienic behaviors at an age too young to be engaged in such activities."

I was also a master of attacks on parentage -- "Your mother is very large, which, in and of itself shouldn't be something we call attention to, but in her zeal to eat food, she often disregards your emotional needs!"

And let's not forget "U-G-L-Y is what you are and you have no recourse and cannot hide your identity under a presumed name. And your ugliness is more than skin deep. I mean, you are just ugly through and through. Dang. Wow. I mean, really, really ugly."

I like to think that I encouraged good health as people got many steps quickly walking away from me.