Happy Trailers to You!

I spent a bunch of time last night working on a new business idea. I'm gonna pitch it to you so I hope you invest all you have in this.

So there I am, scrolling through the various movie options on all the streaming platforms that followed the binary brick road into my house. As I move through them, I says to myself, I says, "Hey, self" and then I says "What?" cuz what would you say? Then Howie Mandel shows up and punches me for stealing his line so I, in an attempt to defend myself, try to suffocate him by putting a rubber glove over his head but he just inflates the glove! It was hilarious. Classic Howie, amirite? So I channeled my inner Gallagher and got a sledgehammer and sued my brother. But that's not my idea. Or even anyone else's. (and if these references are lost on you, tough nerts, bucko) 

But anyway, it certainly does happen then I see thousands of images for movies that I am not sure about and I just don't have the interest in watching a 2 minute trailer for each to figure out what story is being told and whether I want to watch. So here's my service:

For a nominal fee (nom nom nom) I will watch and summarize/review the movie based only on the trailer available on my TV. For example, the movie "Double Trouble" from 1992. I watched the trailer. It is about two guys who are either brothers or at least go to the same barber who punch things and stuff. Viscerally engrossing and experimental in its use of camera angles and color scheme. And effing weird because there are two guys saying stuff and then other stuff gets punched. I recommend it fifth-heartedly.

If you have any concerns over the quality of my reviews, find the movie and sit through the trailer yourself! I know that once you have validated my opinion, you will know you can rely on it in the future and you will happily pay me money to slog through the crud so you don't have to.

I'll vet anything that my TV reports has a viewer score of 4.4 or under -- sign up for the premium package and you get coverage up to 5.0 out of 10. So all those also-ran movies. The Vertical Entertainments and the Asylum movies with fire and ice age tornado earthquakes (now with extra terrorists!). With foreign spies saving the world from estranged children, aliens and animated frogs. I sit on the couch for you!

If a trailer is too wacky even for me, I will get someone on my crack team of subcontractors to watch also and provide a second opinion of the movie. Just last night, after watching the trailer for "City Hunter" (1993) I felt at such a loss that I had to phone-a-frond and called my brother (he's a plant in the audience) and his wife (they put the Love in H.P. Lovecraft). They watched it and agreed that I was not actually hallucinating and Jackie Chan is, indeed, dressed in blue as a female anime character and then it gets strange. One thing is for sure and that's that the trailer definitely exists.

This is a million dollar idea in that I will let you buy it from me for a million dollars (OBO).