Word to your mother and father

A watchword for a new generation. 

By: A. Dad

For a long time I have taught people that empathy is an essential watchword in how we lead our lives and how we teach our students/children. I don't back down from that.

I also have spent a while trying to teach the young people that one of the most important skills is time management, and to an only slightly lesser degree, internal motivation.

But I have decided to add something to the pantheon of words to live by. I am adding "appreciation."

Many years ago, I made the pronouncement that a parent's success is measured by his grandchildren. But I'd like to amend that -- a parent feel his or her success through the expressed appreciation of his children.

And kids, you might not want to consider this (but trust me, many of your parents are thinking this), but at some point, your parent(s) will be gone and the time for appreciation will be gone. I wouldn't call it stroking a parent's ego (not that that doesn't feel good also) but a "thank you" for a measure of hard-work and relative professionalism.

We make all sorts of difficult decisions. We say things and do things that we know will cause you pain or sadness. But we do these things because we think it is the path towards a more successful adulthood for YOU so we bite back our own discomfort and do what we think we are supposed to. There is no parenting manual (or womanual) and no chance for a do-over so we worry that we have messed you up permanently or that you will rise despite, not because of our actions. So we apologize but we hope against hope that we didn't completely screw up and that you will be happy, healthy, safe and well-adjusted. Your appearance as a contributing member of society serves as that silent testament to your parents' not having kileld and eaten you and that has to count for something.

OK, maybe that last point was a bit extreme and I'm not expecting texts from my kids with little hearts on them, saying "Hey, thanks for not killing and eating me" but it would be nice to have them show the critical-analytic skills of adulthood and can look back at their experiences growing up and say "I now understand why you did that and I appreciate that you were thinking of me and my well-being." You can leave out the "no matter how ham-fisted and wrong-headed it was."

So, yeah, I want to be appreciated -- as a parent, a relative, a friend, coworker and teaching professional because I value myself by measuring my positive impact on others. So hearing that I have had a positive impact and that others recognize my effort feels really good. I try to express my thanks, gratitude and appreciation to the people around me because I hope it reflects well on them.

Keep the chain going and show some appreciation for people today.