A comedy skit I wrote

 

[Note -- with each "but" Joe's voice should creep higher in pitch]

Mike and Joe are sharing a beer and chatting in Mike's house.

Mike: and then the UN guy said that the Hamas attack on the music festival had to be considered in a context of how the Arabs have been treated. Can you believe it?

Joe: Well, it is important to consider the historical-

Mike: No. Stop right there. Hundreds were murdered. Any attempt to find a justification is wrongheaded and hateful.

Joe: But it is-

Mike: Nope. You can't try to find a way for the behavior of the invading terrorists to make any sort of sense.

Joe: OK, I get it. Hamas invaded and killed civilians and that's bad.

Mike: Exactly.

Joe: But you can't forget --

Mike: Again, stop. Are you going to bring up the "open air prison" thing? Ignoring the inaccuracy of the characterization, are you saying that if you live confined to place 1 then you are justified in going to place 2 and killing babies?

Joe: No, I'm just saying that...um...ok, I see your point. Killing babies can't be defended.

Mike: Good.

Joe: Buuut there-

Mike: Nothing! Are you going to talk about that phantom apartheid? Does that legal subtlety of non-citizens not being allowed the same rights as actual citizens rationalize murdering senior citizens?

Joe: Well, no. I see what you mean.

Mike: OK then.

Joe: Buuuuuuuut you -

Mike: Argh! What, are you going to do the whole "occupation" thing? Gaza isn't occupied. It hasn't been since 2005. There is a border between it and 2 other countries. Does the existence of a border explain why it is OK to throw grenades into shelters where civilians are hiding?

Joe: No, no. You're right. That's bad. Ca't support that.

Mike: Agreed.

[Pause]

Joe: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut there --

Mike: No, No, No! There is nothing that can give a context where kidnapping people and torturing them is allowable. If you bring up the words "war crimes" (which can't be applied to the IDF, let alone to the individuals who were kidnapped) you end up giving prophylactic excuses to the next batch of murderers!

Joe: That's true. I don't want to give anyone an out which might allow future massacres.

Mike: Exactly.

[Longer Pause]

Joe: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut if you --

Mike: WRONG. You can't start bringing up things like the war in 1948 and the supposed "nakba" (Arabs left for many reasons and an equal number of Jews were expelled from their countries) because that sets an arbitrary start date and ignores the rest of history.

Joe: Oh, I see that now. You can't claim that one moment in history is significant as a causal factor and discount the rest.

Mike: That's what I'm saying. Anyway, I have to go. Thanks for the beer.

Joe: No problem, and you're right -- an armed incursion, overrunning a humanitarian crossing, in which over a thousand people, including the elderly and infants, Muslims and Jews and Christians, civilians at a festival, people in their beds, children hiding are massacred and mutilated and in which over 200 people are kidnapped and deprived of all rights and humane treatment can't be given any "context" which might try to explain it as the result of rational behavior.

Mike: I'm glad we agree! Have a great day.

[Mike gets up, collects his things and leaves. The two shake hands at the door and Mike goes. Joe waits at the door for 5 seconds and closes and locks it. He goes to the window and peeks out. We hear a car start and drive off. A pause.]

Joe: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut-

[BLACKOUT]