Why I am Angry at my Television

 So I was watching a wonderfully mediocre Netflix movie which seemed to be designed for old, single guys. Not too much dialogue, some good explosions, poor editing, an illogical and hard to follow story-line which is essentially unnecessary because there are some good explosions. Suddenly and over a period of an hour and a half, I decided that I'd like to have some dinner. This meant standing up and going to the kitchen to make said dinner. A quest if you will, and a nice break from the movie. I made sure to his "pause" so that I didn't miss one godforsaken moment, and off I went, then I walked to the kitchen.

I made me a mess o' food so nice they named it food. When I cook up my special brand of bland I know I'm living right. Fried protein with other fried protein, served with a side of cheese. All the food groups properly represented. While I am finishing up with the cookerie in which I am so engrossed, I glanced over at the TV and see the screen go black. Off. Done. Kaput. Wait, what? EMERGENCY!

I washed my hands properly and ran over to the TV to check its vitals. Screen? Black. Patient is non-responsive. I picked up the remote and pushed a button (while whispering a solemn prayer to all that is good and right in the world) and the TV turned back on! Huzzah. But this is a resolution without a solution and that leads to revolution and madness. So I waddled back to my computer and googled the situation and here's what I learned:

New televisions are very advanced. They collect what are known as "environmental demographic data points" which go well beyond the show that I watch and how long I watched it for. These TV's hack into your very lifestyle and correlate variables like my age, gender, occupation and other readily available public data with my viewing habits and timings to create a comprehensive idea of who I am and what I do. They can interface with my other devices and figure out my daily schedule. So my TV assumes that, based on the use of lighting, the oven, the change in the thermostat and other events, I have a particular sleep/wake cycle so if I hit pause and don't return to the movie within a specific period of time, I have fallen asleep on the toilet again and it behooves my TV to do the equivalent of drinking itself into a black out.

I find this horribly insensitive and judgmental. Are "they" saying that I lack the ability to make a meal and return to a movie? Are they saying that I am so predictable that they can make decisions for me? And who made them the boss of me, demanding that I use a "toilet"?