No Charge

My phone was still charging -- the screen reads, "52% Slow Charger". I pushed a few virtual buttons and saw the explanation. According to my phone, the new fancy cable I just bought for cheap from a novelty surplus (or suplus novelty, I'm not quite sure) shop might not be the bestest or fanciest.

At fist I thought unsettled and angry thoughts to myself (about, among other things, myself). I worked myself into a healthy lather thinking of my options. First place on the list was to A-Ha myself into the catalogue and find the customer service cartoon. Then I'd Harold and the Purple Crayon the heck out of the guy.

[true side note -- I drafted this by hand and, as I wrote it, I lost my place and stared at the piece of paper, looking for a blinking cursor]

So anyway, I'd be messing with the customer service guy and holding a purple gun to his animated head when I tell him that his cable that he sold me is, well, not so dope, as the young people said like 25 years ago. Maybe I'd demand a refund or a credit (though generally, no one gives me any credit for anything).

Anyway, I decided to go the other way and turn a crsisi into an opportunity and a bug into a feature. I bought 100 cables, rebranded and relabeled them as "Special Overnight Safety Chargin Configuration" cables. I wrote copy boasting their "at least 4 times longer charging time" so you dont have to worry about overcharging the battery while you sleep. This prevents ruined batteries and ensures peace of mind every morning when you wake up. Then I set a price point at double what I paid.